Fradwr (The Traitor) by Paul Gumagay (UnitedCreative) - Short, Film Noir -  A modern interpretation of film noir that talks about family, corruption, domination, and sex. A script for an entry for the Vimeo Weekend Project: Film Noir. 4 pages - pdf, format 8)

I'm sorry Paul but this definitely didnt work for me.

First and foremost, you have several grammatical/spelling errors riddled throughout the script. If you're going to enter a script into a contest, you need to make sure there are no mistakes (lest the judges think you're not serious about your craft).

Onto the story. Unfortunately, its not too great (nor unique for that matter). In fact, it's so mediocre I would abandon the idea entirely. Furthermore, you claim that this script can be categorized as film noir. However there are no motifs in this short which are indicative of film noir. Sure, people are murdered, but that doesn't make it film noir. I'm a huge fan of the genre, so I was a little let down when I read the script.

Overall Paul, please do not take my comments too harshly. If this script was merely an exercise, then you gave it a decent try. Now move on, evolve, and I look forward to reading your next script.

I think you had an idea. I also think that you didn't really think about the idea that you had. I think that if you had thought about the idea that you had it would have been okay, but as you didn't, then it wasn't, and won't be until you give it the attention that it needs.