How Do You Spell Hemorrhoids? by Brian Howell (reuel51) - Short, Comedy - A girl with OCD is bombarded by a feuding elderly couple who share a bit too much information. 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

Just to let everyone know, this was the second place winner in the Movie Poet comedy comp.  Well done, Brian.

Thank you Michael. And thank you Don for posting this.

You should intro the Receptionist in action before he/she speaks. His/her dialogue came out of nowhere. Or have them be (O.S.)

I don't like curse words in action prose. Yes, i've seen it in pro scripts too. Its just my opinion. I think it cheapens the script.

This was good. I got some chuckles.The characters were pretty well drawn for a five pager. I can see why this was a finalist at MP. I thought your last line coulda used a bit more punch. Overall, I enjoyed it. Good work...

James

Hey Brian,

Congrats on the the finish.
This was pretty damn amusing all the way through.
And I like the set up for the stand by seating, nicely done.
The characters felt pretty natural, quirks and all.

I;m with James in that I don't care for vulgarity in descriptions either.
They tend to stop me in my tracks when I'm reading.
I can see how sometimes it's in service to the story though.

All this really needs is a corker one liner for the finale.
Nice work!

Regards,
E.D.

James and E.D.

Thanks for reading and commenting. I don't usually swear in the action, in fact I'm not one to swear much anyway, but for some reason I was feeling it when I wrote this one.

Thanks again. If you guys have anything you want read (short or feature) just let me know.

Peace,
Brian

  I LAUGHED SO FRIGGIN' HARD!!! :D

Hey Brian, really enjoyed this one. i can certainly relate to skyler considering i'm an avid fan of hand sanitizer and my friends constantly tease me for being borderline OCD when it comes to cleanliness. so i found the humor in the snot nosed kid and the gross discussions.

there were a few descriptors that i felt were unnecessary. for example, the pretty tomboy who grew into a woman doesnt really add much to the script. in fact, the line seems to contradict itself given that she's super clean yet tomboy-ish.

also if you dont find a killer one liner for the end, i would end the script after skyler sees her seat on the plane. sure, we all knew it was going to happen, but having anymore dialogue after this discovery seems to run over (unless, of course, you find one last punchline).

great script and fun read. kudos.

Will, thanks for reading and giving feedback.

This is based on something that happened to my wife. Skyler is based on her. I know the combo of former tomboy and OCD is odd, but that is my wife.

As for the final... you're not the first to mention that it might work better to end sooner. I was going for the one line zinger at the end, but I guess I didn't pull it off so well. I'll take a look at this again.

Thanks again for the read. Do you have anything in particular you want looked at?

gotchya. and my pleasure. not sure if you experience the same, but trying to come up with a punchline for a script that's already written is so fucking difficult for me to do. but im sure you'll come up with something good.

actually i have a script called She Knows Tom coming out in a few days. i'm trying to transition from sketches to stories and its a quick 7 pager. if you wouldnt mind taking a look, it would be greatly appreciated. thanks man!

I'll keep a look out for it.