Matt, I'm going to assume that you are in your early teen, if that old. That's the impression I received after reading your script.
I found several problems with your script. The formatting is off quite a bit but it's nothing that can't be fixed. There is some free screenwriting software out there. A number of people, here use Celtix. You may want to look it up; your script looks like it was written in Word. It was a little difficult to read, but not unreadable.
Scriptwriting is meant to be a visual medium. You should describe things as people would see (and hear) them on the screen. A big problem with this script (you repeated this a few times) was that you told us that so-and-so was a zombie. Don't tell us this; show it to us!
Quoted Text However, this is no longer his younger brother. He is a ZOMBIE. |
could be better written as:
Quoted Text His brother stares at him with vacant, cloudy eyes. Veins are visible through his pale and cracked skin. Blood trickles from his mouth and down his chin. |
I strongly recommend that you read some scripts to learn about storytelling and formatting of scripts.
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I didn't understand what the three were using as weapons against the zombies: tennis balls, water balloons, etc.. What was this about? Were these kids just using whatever they had on hand as weapons? With this logic, when the zombies attack, I'll fight them with hair brushes, empty beer bottles and my television remote. Doesn't make sense? Okay, we understand each other.
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Brook spoke way too mature and intelligent for an eight year old. He actually spoke too maturely for a fifteen year old, IMHO. He have to change his character to make him believable.
Hope this helps.
Phil