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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Romantic Comedy Scripts  /  Fans
Posted by: Don, October 2nd, 2011, 5:23pm
Fans by Steve Burton (steveb) - Short, Romantic Comedy - Walter sits alone in an empty theatre to wait for a Greta Garbo film to begin, and then Carrie, a stranger, sits next to him.  13 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: Dreamscale, October 2nd, 2011, 7:05pm; Reply: 1
Sorry, Steve, but this is formatted completely everything about it.

I recommend you get your hands on some screenwriting software (Celtx is free), and read all the scripts you can to see how to do it correctly.

Good luck.
Posted by: mcornetto (Guest), October 2nd, 2011, 7:12pm; Reply: 2
I have to agree, Steve.  Your formatting is in dire need of assistance.  It's kind of amusing actually because it doesn't seem like you did it by margins, it seems like you did it by eye.  So some margins seem diagonal and some seem just plain random.  

Use Celtx like suggested above. It's free.  There's also which is free and online.  But you really need the software otherwise you'll be dealing with people complaining about this sort of thing - forever - and never reading your scripts.
Posted by: skp1987, October 3rd, 2011, 5:14pm; Reply: 3
I'm guessing this is one of your first screenplays, and that's ok, got to start somewhere. I cringe when I look at the fruit couple of screenplays I ever wrote. The formatting of a script is really important, people just wont take any notice of your writing if the formatting is off. But it's good tat you've copy written it.
Posted by: rc1107, January 19th, 2013, 1:45am; Reply: 4
Hey Steve.

I saw this was a revised draft from 2011.  Unfortunately, the same formatting problems are still there, and you clearly are still using MS Word based on the still-incorrect margins.  ;-)  I'm speaking from experience.  I was a Works and Word user because I hated celtx and the other software, so I used Word until something better came up.

And it did.  Trelby Screenwriting Software.  It's free.  Google it, Bing it, Dogpile it, ... whatever,  but you certainly need it.

So, formatting and over-slugging your scenes aside, I actually muscled through it to see if there was a good story here.

Unfortunately... nothing happened.  It was not interesting at all.  I didn't learn anything about the characters, except their fans of Greta Garbo (and I'm assuming you're one as well.)  Well, I found out their jobs.  And that's all.

This was just weird and not the surreal kind of weird that makes things cool.  It was... well, sorry to be cruel if that's how this sounds...  pointless.

The height of the film is that secondary characters make out and one of them has a film in a festival?

I see you've got a couple scripts posted this week, so I don't know if this is your David Lynch-story or something, but I don't know if I want to find out if the others are any better.

Sorry.  Maybe make the formatting corrections to this one to prove you're trying and for me to see if you're around (I see you've got a screen name), and I might check out another story from you.

- Mark
Posted by: sniper, January 19th, 2013, 4:22am; Reply: 5
Is Steve around? Me thinks not.
Posted by: Fausto, December 28th, 2016, 3:28pm; Reply: 6
I would make the slugs more clear...all those "following" should be replaced by the standard format....keep in mind that each slugline requires a change ...lights, actors, location, cameras etc. and this should be clearly indicated...every change carries a production cost . I like the premise but the script should be revised accordingly.
Happy 2017.
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