Crashing by Design by Scott Derechinsky - Drama - The story of one man's journey - from birth to middle-age - his loving, yet mysterious relationship with his grandfather, his passion for music and film, his heartbreaks and shattered dreams, all leading him to his ultimate destiny. 122 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi Scott,
Giving the same name as your character, not sure if this is a true story or just a name.  I'm not much of an expert on screenwriting because I'm also a newby.  Although you do have some grammatical errors, I want really comment on it too much.

Anyways, I read about 15 pages, and the story is a little confusing, to me at least.  And by the way, I like to read the screenplays everyone else
avoids for whatever reason.... possibly the logline.... but I digress.

Page 1-3.  It started out as a comedy, nothing dramatic about it.  I don't think it's necessary to give each and every unimportant character an age.

Page 5.  Scotty is born.

Page 6.   Scotty age 4.  The fish aquarium scene is a little disturbing.  He accidentally knocked it over while being held up by his older cousin.  Then for the reletives to come down hard on him like they did, calling him miserable, and horrible.... to a 4 year old.  What does thay say about their character.

Page 7-8. he's now 6, and in school.  He's being bullied, being call a Jew Boy.  What in this screenplay indicates he's Jewish.  Is he a true Jew, with dark skin... no indication.

Page 11.  Now this is what's really confusing... or not making any sense to me.  We have a 53 yo and a 25 yo Racist.... after a 6 yo Jewish boy.  12-15 yo is a little more believable.     and on page 13-14, they're (the racist) treating the black man just a little bit better....   A racist, is a racist, is a racist, is a racists...

Not sure if this is trying to come off like a Forrest Gump type movie... it's not working.

If the racisim is just a sample of Scotty's struggles, then you need to shorten it.

One more major question.   WHAT HAPPEN TO SCOTTY'S PARENTS; PHYL AND STAN?

Okay, I’m sure you’re not on this board anymore, Scott, but I read the whole script, and I’d be failing as a screenwriter if I did not inform you that this is just not good.

I’ll be blunt, because you probably need to hear it.

Your life story is not that interesting.

I don’t like Scotty. He’s got no redeeming character traits. He’s also presented as perfect.  A genius. A filmmaking, screenwriting genius. A flawless mate, constantly a victim of callous girlfriends. I’m sorry, but nobody is like that. This character is a terrible protagonist. He needs a reality check.

Like Scotty, the story has no direction. No structure. Things happen. Boring things. Scenes begin before anything pertinent happens, and end far after the supposed meat of any scene is presented. Too many characters, too many jumps through time, too many repetitive conversations. Dialogue should not mimic actual speech. It should be more concise. Far from what is presented here.

But the main flaw in the script is that there is never a problem presented in Act One (is there an Act One?). Therefore, there’s no rising action, because there’s nowhere to go. No anticipated climax. No showdown.

And so when your “climax” comes (Suicide? Really? For what?), it’s funny. Because it’s so out of place.

And your resolution? Ridiculous.

Complete re-write. (Really, you need to end up with a completely different script.)

You’re obviously a very green writer. When writing a script, you need to start by asking yourself what the climax should be. Identify your hero and his/her ultimate obstacle [antagonist]. And when you figure that out, work backwards to see how far back in the story you really need to go in order to get to that climax.

I know it’s blunt, but reality is—most readers wouldn’t have bothered after the first 15-20 pages. If that.

If I were you, I would read Robert McKee’s “Story” cover-to-cover before I even considered placing my hands on a keyboard again.

Good luck, sir.

Scott,

I read the whole script, and I have to be honest.  This is so bad you should just start over.

Keep in mind that a movie is always a character going through the toughest moment of their life.  You have decided to give us your whole life, which is not a good idea.  I would guess that over 95% of the scenes you have written have no relevancy at all.  

I would sugget reading some books onscreenwriting and story structure.  There is no 3 Act Structure here, just a collection of stories.

You obviously know how to format a script.  No complaints in that department.

As for dialogue, most of it is on-the-nose and formulaic.  No character has a unique voice.  Also, no characters are likable.  It feels like they are there just to relay information.

Sorry to be so forward, but you need to know.  Keep trying.  It's easy to get better,

INT. AUNT'S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM (1969) - DAY
BENAY(29) looks at fish in fish tank which is enclosed in
wooden case. The tank is about 5 feet high. SCOTTY(4) is
standing at her side, too small to see fish tank.
SCOTTY
I wanna see! I wanna see!
BENAY
Okay. Come here.
5.
She picks him up.
SCOTTY
Cool! Look at that blue one!
He points at tank with left hand while right hand is on
wooden case at base of tank. It collapses. Water, wood, and
flopping fish are strewn all over the floor.
BENAY
Oh my God, Scotty! What did you
do?!
SCOTTY
Huh? I didn't do anything!
AUNT ANNIE(50) runs over.
AUNT ANNIE
Aaaaaahhh! Oh my God! What have you
done?!
SCOTTY
I didn't do anything! I didn't do
anything!
BENAY
Look what you did!
AUNT ANNIE
(crying)
You miserable little boy! You've
destroyed my house!


This scene is meant to create viewer empathy for poor Scotty. But it's all forced. It is not real life. Scotty didn't do anything, he didn't make the table fall even on accident, so the reaction of the adults is way off. Little kids don't merely touch a table and it falls over. If they had super powers, maybe.

Then we have Scotty tied to a fence and he's getting beat up.

You need to have cause and effect, not just effect.

Went and read the end. Wouldn't it be nice for things to happen like that? I read back to find out the cause of this effect, the effect of winning all those oscars because Scotty wrote an awesome screenplay. Couldn't find a cause. It just happened.

The upside is your wrote 122 pages of something. Lots never get that far.