Prodigium: Chapter 01 "Welcome to San Bartletown, Welcome to Lex Andria" by Ricky Wallace (ricoscript) - Series, Anime, Action -  A mysterious motorcycle riding vigilante crosses paths with the most ruthless street gang of the desolate city of San Bartletown. Meanwhile, on the sunny and peaceful grounds of Lex Andria Academy, social outcast Tabby Tempo has recently discovered that she can hear other people's thoughts. She spends her day interacting with her fellow peers; including her super perky friend, a photo stalker, the girl she despises, and the boy she secretly admirers, who seems to have it out for her absent wayward brother. 33 pages - pdf, format 8)

     Ricky, I made it to about page 12  before I couldn't continue. I'm not going to say that you don't write well or the story is not a good one because you do write well and I liked what I read of the story. However, you need to cut your action lines and descriptions way down. You also do more telling than showing which  clutters up your action scenes.

     Also, cut back on the voice overs. You have way too many. All of my comments are just my opinion and I am far from an expert, so you can take them for what they are worth.

     I think, as I said, you have a good story. You can cut the page total in half by getting rid of the items i mentioned. Good luck with this. Marvin

I'm glad the rider didn't come off like the ghost rider character. I was into the rider scene but when you switched to the academy, I thought you spend to much writing on Tabby which you could chop it up with other scenes. Your action scene need to show more action than telling us what's going on. But over all I like it. I give it 3 outn of 5. Looking forward in reading the next story.