Intrepid Code Hero by David Whitehead - Action, Adventure - Joe diced with danger for sixteen years. One day Danger got its own back 136 pages - pdf, format 8)

Top of page 7 - usually JOE (V.O.) would normally be used.

Needs some proofing - inconsistent use of formatting  - con't etc.

Better that the last script (assuming you are the same DW who wrote CFK) - not too sure it can sustain an interest throughout. I did notice that two people are actually credited in the script??

Not too sure about the log-line.

Like the intro straight to action.

I want to know what happens, but I'm not too sure if I want to sit through 136 pages to find out.

Page 9
Joe
Will I getting? TYPO?


Page 21
Joe's VOICE (V.O.)

I'm at page 24. Taking a break.

I like it so far but seems a little slow for my taste. I get the point that he's a young pilot/trainor, just dont know if it needs to be 24 pages to reach this point.

Dave,

pg 25

No CAPS or Italics needed. Underscore the dialog.

pg 24

Does it matter about the colored chalk. -Save the space to help cut down the script.

pg 26

Again, does it matter that he turns to write? could you just cut the scene before?

pg 27

(shouting) just leave it at that - save space. We get he's shouting over the engine.

the lines : Gives thumbs up. He Returns it. - Can you just put them together on same line?  -Space saver.

pg 28
Joe's Voice (V.O.)

Hope it helps, I'm also lost with the language. It seems to be proper english for the times but then I see things like 'spose and d'ya which seem odd for the script langauge that has been given to this point.