The February One Week Challenge.  

The First Ten Pages Challenge

You must submit the first ten pages of a feature length script.  
Genre: Not Horror
Theme: "Witches in the 20th or 21st Century"

The first ten pages cannot end mid-scene.  

Length: 10 pages (properly formatted)  PDF format

Submit your 10 pages to here

Further clarification, if needed, on the 10 Page challenge can be found here

Sounds pretty cool!  Something different.

Argh...not an OWC, IMO.  Many will be happy to hear that I'm out.

Have fun with it, guys and gals.

I'm cool with the idea. Not sure what "not horror" means, especially when in the world of witches. I will go with the assumption that it means no slash and gore. I assume supernatural is ok, and even spooky supernatural.

Jeff, this is perfect for you. It's time you began a feature.

Quoted from leitskev Jeff, this is perfect for you. It's time you began a feature.

I've more than begun a new feature, Kev.  I have zero interest in this, so as I said, I'm way out.

I do not want to influence anyone else's interest or opinion in this, so I'll try to stay off the thread unless someone directly refers to me or asks something of me.

You guys enjoy it though.

'Not horror' in my eyes means any other genre is fine.

Comedy, sci- fi, etc. Perhaps Don can clarify?

And the writing can technically not make sense - as long as it doesn't end mid-scene - as the entire script will probably not be ever finished?

whew...i was fearing shakespear....

I'm feeling this....

...TO THE BATCAVE!

Just make certain your loglines  are really good - otherwise this is going to be difficult for the readers.  

This kind of has a Movie Poet feel to it to be honest.

After the 10 pages are submitted, then what?

Not to mention, witches have been DONE TO DEATH.

Why is this so vague? Normally Don spells out the exact intent of the challange.

ALSO, ANY REASON WHY 10 PAGES WERE MENTIONED  5 TIMES?

Sorry. Just doesn't seem inspired at all. Have fun everyone.

Shawn.....><

Witches don't have to be horror, Wizard Of Oz had three. One good. One Wicked. One Wicked's sister creamed by the house.

Harry Potter isn't horror...
Doctor Strange - comic book hero.
Broom Hilda - comic book strip character

Films like Witches Of Eastwick... Practical Magic...
Sitcoms like Sabrina, Bewitched...

Now... that said...
I'm a bit bored with witches. I've written too many shorts/ features with witches good and wicked. Some of them from previous OWC...and I still haven't written out a full length Pumpkinseeds yet. I keep putting it off.

And when I think of "20th century" that leaves out early colonial times so much for Salem :(

...but I start thinking of Wicca in general.
...ten pages of a feature leads me to think it could filter into a 7wker in the months to follow.

I'll get back to you on this.

Definitely think this will be a small crowd. Not sure I'd like to read openings to features that will most likely never be finished. There's a thousand ways to go comedy on this, though. I'll try to wrap my brain around something.

James

I'm probably not enough interested in witches to want to write a feature, but I'll come up with 10 pages for the fun of it. Can we do b!tches instead of witches?

Look on the bright side: at least we don't have to research Shakespeare!

Quoted from DarrenJamesSeeley ...ten pages of a feature leads me to think it could filter into a 7wker in the months to follow.

Due to the unexpected nature of this challenge - the 7WC will, of course, contain an option to continue this script.

Witches but not horror?

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz8inkgi0W1qahb6e.jpg
  ;D

Hmmm....I wanted to write a short. Since I'm in the process of writing two features, starting the first ten pages of a third one wasn't really what I was looking for.

I'll try to read some though. Like Michael said, make sure your log lines are good!!

After giving this some thought, I think I might just go for it. Whats to say Don didnt get a call from someone to ask his pool of Simply Script writers to come up with a fantastic new twist to a genre that might otherwise be over exposed.

I think maybe this could serve to really dig into the imiginitation of those who dare to take this on and come up with a completly differient twist to a feature script.

Witches, yeah thay have been done, BUT is there a way to reinvent them?

Mmmmm

I'm in.

Shawn.....><

This should be anonymous to add to the fun!

Witches in the 20th century? I'm thinking big-haired 80s witch with a cell phone the size of a lunch box...

James

Don't forget it can be set anytime in the 20th century - the 40's, sixties, 19 -fucking -01...

I think the theme is fine...even the assignment. I'm just saying it doesn't work for me at this time. I was looking for a short to write while taking a break from features. Not starting another one.  :)

Funny, I'm working on a Witchy, non-horror feature right now but unfortunately it wouldn't fit in the 20th Century theme. It's more like renaissance times...I think.  It's a Shrek type fantasy.  No time or actual place specified but I don't know.

I'm trying so hard NOT to be sidetracked from it right now but part of me thinks this may be a good opportunity to expand the short I have listed here "Witch of the Trees".  No, no, no....no sidetrack!!  NO!!

Quoted from Grandma Bear I think the theme is fine...even the assignment. I'm just saying it doesn't work for me at this time. I was looking for a short to write while taking a break from features. Not starting another one.  :)

I agree, the theme is kind of interesting.  But I'll go out on a limb and guess a lot of people who enter aren't looking to write an actual feature, and instead will just crank out ten hot pages.  

Though the theme is interesting and gives you lots of options. I’m not looking to write a feature about witches. The first 10 pages are always so difficult for a feature; well it has been for me so far. Guess that’s why it’s called a challenge. ;D

May give it a go…not sure? :-/

Quoted from CoopBazinga Though the theme is interesting and gives you lots of options. I�m not looking to write a feature about witches. The first 10 pages are always so difficult for a feature; well it has been for me so far. Guess that�s why it�s called a challenge. ;D May give it a go�not sure? :-/

I always find Page 35 to 50 is the hardest part of writing a feature...

I say this because most people conceive stories in terms of:

1. This is how it starts
2. This is how it ends
3. This is what's going to happen in the middle

Sometimes people conceive like this, though:

1. This is how it ends
2. This is how it starts
3. This is what's going to happen in the middle

But the general feeling is, what goes on in the middle usually comes last.  It's easy to start and end with a bang, but it's not so easy to start with a bang, move into a boom and end with an explosion.

With all that said, interesting topic/theme... Very general and broad.  If I were to do one It'd hafta be an animated/cgi kids bit.

All those hours and all I got was this lousy page...

humm.... Actually I quite like this but I can understand others wanting a short.

However, surely you could have a go as a short, finishing on an including incident which "could" become a feature, but otherwise is a short in itself - not pretty but most OWC aren't, as far as I can tell.

I'm trying to move up to features hence why I have entered the Movie Poet logline and feature comp, which ironically, I could have to start writing the first ten pages whilst this is going on (most likely I won't get through). Clearly, that is similar to this idea, except it doesn't give you a theme.

As to the theme, yeah I'm a little short of ideas at the moment but I feel there are some decent options once I engage brain.

I agree with the comments on the LOGLINE. Many of us, and I include myself, don't do this well enough. Here is a chance to really focus on title, log as well as the first ten. When it comes to the reading I hope reviewers give these extra focus.

Now what do I know about witches in the 20th century, ok maybe its more, what could I know about...

Quoted from Baltis. If I were to do one It'd hafta be an animated/cgi kids bit.

I think I might do an animated one as well, except not for kids. ;D

Ok, silly question time.

Can we set the script in the present day? As I read it this would not be possible as we are in the 21st century.

So, I thought I would ask in case the exclusion of the present day was not the intention.

Otherwise, the research I have undertaken has thrown up some interesting ideas, although I haven't the faintest idea what yet to write about. But at least there are options.

Quoted from Bill Can we set the script in the present day? As I read it this would not be possible as we are in the 21st century. So, I thought I would ask in case the exclusion of the present day was not the intention.

I agree Bill.

Mark

Quoted from Grandma Bear I think the theme is fine...even the assignment. I'm just saying it doesn't work for me at this time. I was looking for a short to write while taking a break from features. Not starting another one.  :)

I'm in the same boat as Pia.
The allure of flexing my noodle on a short was key for me.
I took most of the week off from feature work due to Sherwood Oaks.

And a short would be a nice bridge back into the daily grind.
Shake the rust out and then dig back into my features.

The reality is, I can't spend my time on features I don't intend to put to market.
I have producers and writers counting on me to get projects into shape.
And in turn, they use their talents and contacts to mutually further our careers.
It would be irresponsible of me to use time to manufacture a new feature idea.

That being said, the challenge is a good idea.
And I'll weigh in on some of the saucier loglines.

Let the witching week commence!

Regards,
E.D.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Can we set the script in the present day? As I read it this would not be possible as we are in the 21st century.

I'd like to answer your questions on this OWC but in order to avoid confusion it's probably best if I leave the specifics up to Don.  

However, I will say that there's only been a few scripts that were ever DQ'd from OWCs and generally the reason they were DQ'd wasn't because they strayed a small amount from the genre/theme.  

Backing up Brett and Pia on this one.

I was ready for a short.  I've recently written several feature lengths in a row, and needed something to 'clean the palate' so to speak.  But...witches don't intrigue me particularly as a topic, and I don't want to start a feature length that I'm not looking to finish.  So I'm stepping aside (sigh) - unless inspiration suddenly strikes from the heavens before the deadlne.  Which could, of course, happen.

Though I'm up to reading other's stuff when the submissions go up on the boards.  So, will sit back and see what results....!

Think I'm out as well. Ironically, the feature I've been working on is about a witch, although it is horror. Don't feel at all inspired to start another feature about the nasty bitches.

Guess this will be a small turn out, so I'll try to read any that get posted by avid members...

James

Got the ball rolling already, thanks to a Cornie suggestion!

I think it's easier than a 'normal' short, as you don't have to try and have a decent ending- well, maybe further down the track perhaps.

Looks like my hope for a comedy came through after all...

Quoted from stevie Got the ball rolling already, thanks to a Cornie suggestion! I think it's easier than a 'normal' short, as you don't have to try and have a decent ending- well, maybe further down the track perhaps. Looks like my hope for a comedy came through after all...

Don't tell me, a failing band in Liverpool is visited by a kind witch called Penny Lane....

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Don't tell me, a failing band in Liverpool is visited by a kind witch called Penny Lane....

Probably very close. :-)

Clarification:

1)  There is no reason one couldn't write a 10 page short rather than the first 10 pages.  My initial challenge was going to the be "Cashback" challenge wherein a 18 minute short - Cashback was extended into a feature film Cashback (highly recommend this film if for no other reason than the awesome nudity).

2)

Quoted from leitskev ...Not sure what "not horror" means..., especially when in the world of witches. I will go with the assumption that it means no slash and gore. I assume supernatural is ok, and even spooky supernatural.

"not horror" means any other genre other than horror, e.g., (but not limited to) Comedy, Sci Fi, Drama, Supernatural, Noir, Children's, Documentary, Family, Silent, Mystery, Thriller, Action, Adventure, etc.

3)

Quoted from Ledbetter This kind of has a Movie Poet feel to it to be honest.

Thank you for the compliment.

4)

Quoted from Ledbetter After the 10 pages are submitted, then what?

That is a secret

5)

Quoted from Ledbetter Not to mention, witches have been DONE TO DEATH.

I'd like to see if someone can do something different.

6)

Quoted from Ledbetter Why is this so vague? Normally Don spells out the exact intent of the challange.

I like to try and balance the challenges between narrowly defined themes and genres and more open ended challenges where the writer can use his/her imagination.  

7)

Quoted from Ledbetter ALSO, ANY REASON WHY 10 PAGES WERE MENTIONED  5 TIMES?

Repitition is the key to learning.

8 )

Quoted from Ledbetter Sorry. Just doesn't seem inspired at all. Have fun everyone.

here is some inspiration (image from actrices.webs.com.)  If you get the reference, please do NOT post it on the boards.  I don't want to sway anyone's interpretation of the challenge.

9)

Quoted from stevie And the writing can technically not make sense - as long as it doesn't end mid-scene - as the entire script will probably not be ever finished?

Dude, it better make sense.  If someone reads the first ten pages of your feature and it doesn't make sense, it'll get tossed an the reader will go onto the next one.

10 )

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Ok, silly question time. Can we set the script in the present day? As I read it this would not be possible as we are in the 21st century.

Not a silly question.  Apologies, I was going to say 21st century and then I thought I'd confuse people.  I've modified the theme to "Witches in the 20th Century or 21st Century"

11)

Quoted from mcornetto Due to the unexpected nature of this challenge - the 7WC will, of course, contain an option to continue this script.

Apologies, Michael.  I completely forgot you were ginning up for a 7WC.  

12)

Quoted from Felipe This should be anonymous to add to the fun!

Yes, anonymous


Don

Quoted from Don Clarification: 1)  There is no reason one couldn't write a 10 page short rather than the first 10 pages.

i think i might have to exorcize that option.

Funny. I've got an idea for a non-horror script about witches in the works. Unfortunately, it's a period piece and wouldn't work translated to a 20th century setting, even if it was 1900.

Regardless, I've got a rough idea I'm toying around with for the OWC at the moment. Unfortunately, it'd probably be a self-contained short. I'd rather not start a new feature with it. I'll see where I get with a short in mind though. If I can come up with something decent, I'm in.

Sorry Don, I didn't mean it wouldn't make sense in that fashion. I meant, well I dunno now!

Am still going with the original concept - hope to have it done today.

Quoted from Penoyer79 i think i might have to exorcize that option.

Was that a pun or did you mean exercise?  Sorry, I can't help but ask.

you got it buddy,.

although even if it wasnt inteded - you gave me such a clean getaway by asking.... i'd never admit otherwise :D

After giving it some thought, I'm in.
In fact, I'm going to base it on a true story, although names will be changed to protect the sane.
But... that said, I'm going to be up front about this.

1 - If it winds up being good, that's great. (subjectivity aside)

2 - Aside from polishes before submission, I won't be rewriting it or turning it into a feature. It is of low priority, I have other things I'm working on. I was *this close* to passing.

Best of luck to all.

Was watching some good old cartoons when finally an idea struck! ;D It strays away from the stereotypical witch but in some cultures, that's the only witch they know of, which has no similarities to an ugly hag on a broom ;D.

Perhaps Don/somebody could clarify if it HAS to be this type of witch?

http://www.printactivities.com/ColoringPages/Witch-Coloring-Pages/Witch-on-broom-01.gif

Quoted from nawazm11 Was watching some good old cartoons when finally an idea struck! ;D It strays away from the stereotypical witch but in some cultures, that's the only witch they know of, which has no similarities to an ugly hag on a broom ;D. Perhaps Don/somebody could clarify if it HAS to be this type of witch? http://www.printactivities.com/ColoringPages/Witch-Coloring-Pages/Witch-on-broom-01.gif

I can safely say with 100% certainty that it does NOT have to be that type of witch.

Made some progress, which is nice as i was going nowhere for a good few hours.

I'm still going to do the beginning of a feature as this suits me at the moment, but i think it is great if others just do a short. However, i will make sure that this is known so they can be compared differently.

So far i have a title, logline and the principle characters - i quite like it! Mind you i"m finding it hard to name them.

The beginnings are usually not a problem but for some reason i need to break into this idea. The first line, first scene is deserting me at the moment.

Time for a coffee.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer So far i have a title, logline and the principle characters - i quite like it! Mind you i"m finding it hard to name them. Time for a coffee.

Good on you, Bill. :) I have absolutely nothing! No title, no logline and definitely no good idea.

Time for a glass of red! ;D

I'm going to write a found footage survival movie about 3 people looking for a witch in the woods. I think it will make millions.

I just started thinking about it an hour ago. Been busy with other stuff. Full plate this week, too. The neat thing about things like this is that it forces your mind to go where it would not have, and that's a good thing. Who knows what can come out of it.

Quoted from Felipe I'm going to write a found footage survival movie about 3 people looking for a witch in the woods. I think it will make millions.

I'd write it from the witches prospective, though... Like, instead of following the 3 idiots in the woods and their footage of finding a witch -- have the witch making her own documentary about finding 3 idiots in the woods and her found footage.

Call it The Blanche Witch Project.

I'd read that.

Quoted from Felipe I'm going to write a found footage survival movie about 3 people looking for a witch in the woods. I think it will make millions.

It`s already been done... It`s called the wizard of oz :)


Mark

Don....

I have yet to ask only ONE MORE QUESTION...

Can one of the witches be a WARLOCK?

Or do they all have to be lady folk?

And please, nobody start with the transgender crap. This is a legit question.

Shawn.....><

Quoted from Ledbetter Can one of the witches be a WARLOCK?

According to the OWC rule book...

The OWC will not discriminate based on age, sex, race, weight or sexual orientation of any magic users during OWCs that are announced in February and end in March but also fall within the same year as the end of the Mayan calendar.

Amazing what you can find in this rule book if you can read the really small print.
  

Quoted from irish eyes It`s already been done... It`s called the wizard of oz :) Mark

that movie wasnt found footage.... and if i remember correctly... they were actually looking for a Wizard... not a Witch.

At the present, I have absolutely NOTHING. I may or may not be able to get into this. If I do, it will be a ODC (one day challenge) for me. This week, family issues will have me on a tight leash. *sigh*

Really hope I can get something up for it though. Will try .....

Finally, after 2 days, I got myself a name I'm happy with ;D. I'm finding it hard to open the story though because I know there is a 95% chance I will change the beginning. Guess time will tell though...

Didn't think coming up with a good idea when the genre and theme are presented on a silver platter would be so hard!  Hopefully inspiration strikes before the deadline, I'd love to participate in my first OWC!

:Duan

I think I'm going to jump on this - it's been a long time since I have submitted something to SS and I'm inbetween drafts at the moment.

Got a couple of ideas for storylines and hope to have it sorted out shortly so I can get the 10 pages done.

Well, I finally got back to my computer today, to look at the OWC. I wish I knew more about the witch sub-genre. Whenever I write about a topic I don't know so well, the end result is pretty awful.

I do have an idea I want to rock, but four days to research witches, formulate it, write it out and make it look presentable is a pretty tall order. Right now, it's 40-60 against.

Used to live in Salem, MA; and there is still plenty of witchery to go around, some real, some not so much.

Although the lines of reality are frequently blurred, we are wicked good up there!

Reminds me of my friend Jon (who was, in fact, a warlock)...One time we...

eh, maybe I'll save it for the OWC...

Grrrrr!!! I only just saw this cuz I've been looking for a 'February 2012 OWC' forum/board/whatever, not a post:p Or, y'know, for it to show up differently. Okay, maybe I just wasn't paying attention:(

Guess I better get to writing...

Sitting this one out as I am fevershly working on my feature. Best of luck to everyone! I'll try my best to check out a few once they're posted

I could have sworn i just saw a post from daren, but, just like that, he disappears.

To answer the question you didn't raise, err, it is anonymous.

I have to say my early optimism is fading. i like my idea but I'm finding the feature implications more challenging.

It was never going to be pretty but at the moment its getting uglier by the hour.

Oh well a few more days and to be fair, it is a decent challenge from which i will learn (he hopes)

Damn, thought I'd got away with it.  Within a few seconds of asking if it is annonymous, I found the answer.

About 4 o'clock this morning an idea came to me for this challenge -- an  idea so preposterous, name and all, that it just might be worth writing.  I am entering The Page Awards contest with 2 scripts this year and am deadlocked on my final re-write for one of those scripts, so I'm not sure if I can make this challenge.  

I've spent way too much on the current script to not make the late entry deadline of April 2nd.

My gears are spinning now though.  Certainly spinning.  The draw, for me, is that it doesn't have to be a complete short, rather 10 pages of a feature.  That works for me to a degree.

I've got this one.

On page 5 and so gonna have a really decent shot at it...

Um...

What ever IT is...

Still not sure why we're doing it but perhaps that's why I dig this one so much.

Shawn.....><

Are multiple entries allowed in this owc?

10 Pages...

DONE!!!!!!

You will beg me for more....

(sinister laugh inserted here)

Shawn.....><

I have nothing directly to offer in return, but is anyone interested in proofreading mine for mistakes? If not, it's cool.

I'll do it for $18 - the cost of a bottle of Jagie...

Even if I had $18, I wouldn't spend it on getting a read or Jager. You gotta have priorities... even if you've got them backwards.

I'm late to the party, just saw this. Not that I need a distraction right now, but I won't turn down a supernatural challenge no matter what genre it falls into. Less than three days to churn out 10 pages, huh? Pressure's on!

Quoted from ReneC I'm late to the party, just saw this. Not that I need a distraction right now, but I won't turn down a supernatural challenge no matter what genre it falls into. Less than three days to churn out 10 pages, huh? Pressure's on!

Good to see you in Rene - i really liked your last one.

It will be interesting to see how reviews go on the 10 page features since there will, be or should be, many answered questions. Very different to a short.

Can't say which i prefer at the moment. The challenge has been good, but the short time for so much has made the head ache a bit. Even the genre of mine has changed as i've gone along.

Humm... Maybe I'll try to write something.

I can't wait to read the scripts though.  ;D

I love the OWC

Cindy

Done and Done... Don`t know how.... Oh yeah, banging my head off a wall for 3 days straight.... Apparently sleep is overrated :)


Mark

You guys are overthinking it.

Ten pages in fifteen hours, including five for sleep. Also, after starting the idea three days late. I just wish I knew more about witches to make it more inventive, though... =(

I'm milling over my idea as we speak -- I'm so wrapped up on meeting my deadline I hate to pull away from my script even for a second, but I've got something pretty good here for this OWC.  I think, even if it ended up sucking, people would check it out for the name alone...

But needless to say, I've got an idea no one has ever really tried with witches.  Hell, I've never even wrote about witches before I don't think??  I need to go back and scroll through my work and see.  10+ years tends to pile up in the stockroom of your computer.  You never know what you got until you find it again.

Anyways, it'll be tough to get this one in on time -- last time I remember writing my entire OWC in the span of 5 hours and sending it to Don like 2 min before deadline.  I hope that this one isn't a repeat if I decide to forgo it.  Luck be with me.

I've tweaked my damn 10 pages over and over - adding and removing characters, sequences and plot points - but I think I've got it to a place that I like.

Will be interesting to see if it's good enough to continue.

Stew

Definitely out here because I need to do my ten pages for the Movie Poet contest.  That will definitely take up all spare thought cycles for the next week or two.

7 pages yesterday means I'm in for sure. Should be a fun read for you all, I managed to creep myself out!

Up to 6, got a couple of ideas for page 10, should be an inciting incident going by certain guidelines (that I agree with) and the fact I want people to want to read more.  Bit wierd just letting it dangle after that though!!
How should we finish our ten pages?  A FADE OUT seems inappropriate, should we just put a CUT TO:  then leave it?  or just... leave it?  How will the reader know we haven't cut the scene off half way through which is against the rules?

Odds are, if it's set up properly, people will know. =)

At least, that's what I'm hoping... Lol.

I'm officially out -- Can't do.  I tried last night after completing some page revisions on my current script to get to page 5.  Just no way I'm gonna be able to give the OWC the attention it needs and I don't wanna do another rush job like the last two.

Great idea -- fantastic name for the direction I was going with, just got around to it too late.  Also, since this is 20th/21st century I don't know if mine would've been disqualified because the 1st 2 pages are set in 1663 New England.

Maybe I'll post the 10 pages after April 2nd.

Wish everyone the best.  It's a good challenge... It gave me another idea -- that's always a plus.

okay, can't spend any more time on it but it's in.
:)

Okay, I started this thing yesterday arvo and I'm on page 8. Hopefully I can bang out the rest in the next hour or so and submit:)

Quoted from darrentomalin How should we finish our ten pages?  A FADE OUT seems inappropriate, should we just put a CUT TO:  then leave it?  or just... leave it?  How will the reader know we haven't cut the scene off half way through which is against the rules?

I'm actually thinking of just writing 'The End...For Now' or something similar. Gets the point across, I think:)

I'll be putting the finish on this, mynjauana.

It's went through a pile of rip and slash that I've rather enjoyed. Not sure if it will read as my directional intent, but just the same, it conjures to my mind the ache that wrestles inside. With that, all attempts at humour might fail.  ;)

Proofing to send...

Sandra

Quoted from Baltis. I'm officially out -- Can't do.

Balt - I was really looking forward to it!  (Seriously - you described it as a great idea, and got me curious.  Darn it, you can't pull it off with an all-nighter? :'(

I think if people don't make the deadline, they can still enter it the following week for Cornetto's 7WC. Not sure about that, though.

Anyway, I submitted tonight. My usual too many characters, too complicated, too much exposition style. I have to win Sandra back, I didn't get her vote last time. She's usually my only fan.

Nope, not gonna tell her which is mine. You have to guess, Sandra. You better know my writing by now!

So I'm in.

Quoted from rdhay I'm actually thinking of just writing 'The End...For Now' or something similar. Gets the point across, I think:)

Nice touch - wish I'd thought of that!   ;D

Quoted from wonkavite Balt - I was really looking forward to it!  (Seriously - you described it as a great idea, and got me curious.  Darn it, you can't pull it off with an all-nighter? :'(

Meh, I'm milling over finishing it tonight, maybe moving into tomorrow.  

As I said, I don't want a repeat of the last 2 OWC's; where I spent 5 hours rushing through one just to submit it 2 min before deadline -- The other I wrote an an HP mini in the hospital without screenwriting software.  Not desirable results.

I've got some work to do on my Page Award entry and then I'll try to continue where I left off last night on my OWC script... In the mean time, I'm certainly out.  Might change, but I'm probably out.

If all else fails, and we "CAN" enter it into the 7wc -- I'll probably do that.  

I thought about a second entry, but I don't know if I could throw it in by the deadline. It was tough enough getting the first one in. I still don't think I'll be turning my entry into a feature, I might expand a few pages down the road for a longer short, but my heart just wasn't into it. I also hate my logline, but it's the best one I could come up with.

i couldnt get anything going on this one... so i won't be in it. couldnt come up with anything original...

good news is i finished my short....i'll hold off posting it until the OWC madness is over.

Ah, loglines, just when you think you did the best you can, along comes the logline.  Perhaps I should write the logline first.

Finally, finished and sent but totally not happy with the logline... Just needed another hour or so but I really need to get to sleep. ;D

Er, also, to Don, I think I wrote some random gibberish in the comment/question section so if you could ignore that, it would be awesome. :)

Quoted from nawazm11 Finally, finished and sent but totally not happy with the logline...

if that's your biggest issue - i think you'll bo OK  ;)

when i have trouble with loglines... i always find that "less is more" is quite effective.

Got an idea. Sitting poolside. It's 77 degrees. Got beers in the fridge. It's doable!!









I hope/think....  8) :o ;)

Quoted from Grandma Bear Got an idea. Sitting poolside. It's 77 degrees. Got beers in the fridge. It's doable!! I hope/think....  8) :o ;)

77 degrees and chillin by the pool.  ;D You're a lucky lady.

Hope you write something.

Cindy

Quoted from Penoyer79 if that's your biggest issue - i think you'll bo OK  ;)

I lied ;D. My biggest issue was proofreading it a few more times, some of the parts are really over written and sometimes the story jumps from scene to scene cause it's crammed with too much information. Why did it have to be 10 pages? ;D. I should never leave it to the last minute next time.

Anyway, shame you aren't entering though :-/. The more the merrier I say. ;)

Finished one just for the sake of entering...I'm sure it will win a coffee cup for the 'worst' owc script...if Don is giving a prize out for the worst :) Had a two hour window to write(long story) ...so TY to those who get past the first page on mine :)

Happy Happy Weekend to All!

I am going to be struggling for the next few hours to get this done. I was 5 pages in 2 days ago and came down with a terrible cold/flu. Hopefully I can get myself focused in time. Good luck to everyone else!

Quoted from nawazm11 I lied ;D. My biggest issue was proofreading it a few more times, some of the parts are really over written and sometimes the story jumps from scene to scene cause it's crammed with too much information. Why did it have to be 10 pages? ;D. I should never leave it to the last minute next time. Anyway, shame you aren't entering though :-/. The more the merrier I say. ;)

Wasn't without trying... been busy finishing a seperate short. Don't think it will disappoint. Super excited about it

Woohoo! I'm all submitted:) I liked writing this one - it was the right combo of a challenge and a creative tickle:P Hope you guys like it!!

Quoted from Felipe I am going to be struggling for the next few hours to get this done.

Same here...as the evening goes along the slower and slower I'm getting.

Also, I'd like to have someone read it first, but it's usually hard to get someone to read 10 pages on a Friday night and even if you do, it's even harder to make coherent changes in time.

Oh, cheers btw!!!!   ;D :P

I can read if you need. Long as I get it before 10. I'll check back around 9:30.

Quoted from mcornetto Definitely out here because I need to do my ten pages for the Movie Poet contest.  That will definitely take up all spare thought cycles for the next week or two.

SAw your name on the top 30. Congratulations! I look forward to reading it.

Quoted from leitskev I think if people don't make the deadline, they can still enter it the following week for Cornetto's 7WC. Not sure about that, though. Anyway, I submitted tonight. My usual too many characters, too complicated, too much exposition style. I have to win Sandra back, I didn't get her vote last time. She's usually my only fan. Nope, not gonna tell her which is mine. You have to guess, Sandra. You better know my writing by now! So I'm in.

Hello Kevin,

It's been so busy the last six months or so...

I admire what I feel behind your writing. The best compliment you can get, (I think) is that the person on "the other side" feels you. I feel you on the other side of the words.

I'm again looking forward to dedicating my time to the reads as we progress through the challenge. Writing is one thing, but so much connection can happen when we take a lot of time to read.

How far are we from deadline. central time that is...

Shawn.....><

Two hours, I think.

Submitted something!!!!!

Cheers!!!!  ;D

I did not. I opted to use the week to finish up a feature.

I had something in mind for this one but nothing that'd benefit from being thrown together at the last minute. Not to mention it wouldn't have been the start of a feature.

Maybe the next one...

Unfortunately, I couldn't get something together in time.  Which is probably good for all of you, but it still, I wanted to partake in the Witchy goodness!

:Duan

Phew, got it in just under the wire. Not as happy with it as the first one, but it has potential. It's fun, anyway.

I actually submitted something after more than a year away.  
And with 10 minutes to spare. I'm usually right up against the deadline.
Wrote 5 pages last Sunday and the final 3 pages today. That has me worried.

Looks like a few of us submitted a script. Thats good to see. From the post, it seemed that this was going to be a bit of a shallow field.

Best of luck to everyone.

Shawn.....><

Submitted 10 pages - on the nose and without a line to spare.

Looking forward to reading some of the entries.

Submissions are closed.  The scripts will start rolling out at 12:00 noon est 3/4.

Don

I finished right on time. But of course, had some trouble with the PDF. I might have been a little late with the actual upload. =(

I assume that would result in me being DQ'd but I hope it doesn't mean my script won't be posted.

I had a panic moment when I was on the beginning of page 8 and realized I had 15 minutes to finish, so I blasted through the last two pages. I didn't even get a chance to read them until now. I apologize for that. I promise I wouldn't have done it so last minute if I hadn't been extremely sick for the past few days. I'm just glad I was able to finish.

Congratulations to everyone else who got theirs in! I am very excited to read them!

I just finished my 10 --  about 2 min ago, didn't get to turn it in -- I'm reading the 7WC criteria and it seems I can't use this script for that challenge as I did not make the deadline for the OWC.

Meh --  

My screenplay was called:

"Which Witch Is Which"

Log line:  Suspected of practicing the dark art of witchcraft, inseparable twin sisters are burned at the stake, their ashes bottled up and buried separately -- hundreds of years later, two antique hunters pass through in search of the perfect pick... and find it. But which witch is which?

I got the idea coming off my current script around 4 in the morning -- I sat down, turned the tv on and it was on American Pickers and I just kind of left it there... about 5 min into it this idea came to me.  

Anyways, if I can enter it into the 7WC -- you all will probably get a kick out of it.

Quoted from Baltis. Anyways, if I can enter it into the 7WC -- you all will probably get a kick out of it.  If not, Found Footage it is.  I'm already pounding out idea's for that if need be.

Is there a thread going for the 7WC? How do you know it's going to be found footage?

Quoted from Felipe Is there a thread going for the 7WC? How do you know it's going to be found footage?

I'd like to tell you it's all due to the gamma ray's I was exposed to, allowing me to see into the future -- but I thought there was a locked topic on the portal that had some criteria in it.  It might be gone now, I don't know.  I guess I spoke too soon.   ??)  :X

The 7WC thread will be available (for viewing only) in a few days because Don felt it would distract you guys from the OWC.  

Watching you guys talk about it in this thread actually makes me concur.  It was locked for a reason dudes.  

So keep on topic.  

Ok. OWC - read the entries.  Encourage the author to finish writing their script or if you see problems with it give them good notes that will help get them on track.   There's a very real possibility some of these will actually make it to feature length so lets see some really thoughtful comments.

Were we supposed to mention the script was for the OWC in the comments section? I don't think I did that.

Glad to see they are starting to go up. I'll be reading these throughout the day. The loglines are getting me excited!

Quoted from Felipe Were we supposed to mention the script was for the OWC in the comments section? I don't think I did that.

No, as long as you submitted through the owc submission link on time, then it was received.  This is just the first batch.

Cool. Yeah I knew this was just the first 2 batches. But I still got a little nervous that I had messed up. haha

Thanks.

How many entries were there? Trying to make sure I don't get far behind on the reads.

Quoted from leitskev How many entries were there? Trying to make sure I don't get far behind on the reads.

There were 24 entries.  I'll post a message when they are all up.

Don

wow, pretty good turnout.

It's actually really fun to see the different takes on witches, a lot of ideas happening here. Can't wait to read them all.

Any particular reason why this OWC and the last one are listed at the bottom of the one-week challenge  board?

One thing that would have helped make some of these clearer: the task was to write the first 10 pages of a feature, but it was added that shorts were welcome. But we can't tell when we begin a read whether we're looking at a short or the beginning of a feature. I think they all indicates shorts, if I'm not mistaken.

If I can make a general comment on the decision to make this a first 10 challenge. For the most part, I liked this idea, because as OWC's seem to do, they force you to think outside the box. Often good things result.

The problem is that the longer one writes, the more they realize how critical the first 10 pages of a script are. Writing 10 pages is not so much the problem as having to sketch out your story. You have to really think out where you want to take it, and all of that is reflected in the set up. Usually.

I would humbly suggest if this is attempted again, 2 weeks might allow a better chance to think out a feature outline. But as I said, a great idea, and a good decision to allow shorts. Thanks for running the challenge.

After noticing some small mistakes in a few of the scripts (spelling, punctuation, formatting) I decided to read mine one more time. Just noticed a glaring error on my part. I'm going to get reamed for it. Noooooo!

Quoted from Felipe After noticing some small mistakes in a few of the scripts (spelling, punctuation, formatting) I decided to read mine one more time. Just noticed a glaring error on my part. I'm going to get reamed for it. Noooooo!

I don't see why -- these scripts are written over 7 days; in some cases mere hours.  How can anyone hold you to a set standard of excellence?  How can anyone tell you this is the apex of your entire body of work?  They can't.  Take the reads, soak up the advice and administer it properly or disregard it.  But don't let anyone joust you into a corner because your OWC isn't AAA quality.  I think Joe Eszerthas is the only guy who ever wrote a script in 3 days and had it sell for a million bucks -- so the odds are gonna be in your favor here.

I won't be reading all the scripts, as I didn't meet deadline to post my own -- but if you send me your script link I'll check it out.  I've still gotta finish my review for Jwent this weekend too.  

My Page entry script
My OWC script
My promised reviews I've been putting off

Too busy this week!!

But best of luck to you, man.

Thanks, man. I'm not actually that worried about it. It's just such a silly mistake to overlook that I was forced to slap my forehead when I saw it. It's all good. =D

Don't worry about it. Whenever, I submit something I always find a hundred mistakes with the script and regret ever submitting it. I cringe and can't stand seeing it.

i dont know about you guys but i'm in complete OWC reading OVERLOAD.

i knocked out a few... but my goodness there are so many...

i apologize now if i dont get to your script.. i will try. if i dont get to you - feel free to PM me for a read.  

i also apologize if my reviews seem vague at times.... most of you can write circles around me... so me telling you "what's what" doesnt seem fair

i can only give you my opinion of what i thought and some suggestions if i have any. but i assure you unless i state otherwise - your script was read cover to cover.

if you'd like more details - again, just PM me


cheers
chris

To me the last OWC theme was reflected in the phrase - "Over grown weeds" which seemed to crop in a handful for scripts when describing a run down property where ghosts may reside

This time, i have the feeling it is the 'loner" character that defines this one. No doubt other common ideas will emerge.

It seems when we think of the modern witch archetype, we think of either the standard old hag, or more common now, the "different" young teen. I don't think it's a problem, though. These become archetypal for a reason. People are comfortable with those images.

Quoted from leitskev It seems when we think of the modern witch archetype, we think of either the standard old hag, or more common now, the "different" young teen. I don't think it's a problem, though. These become archetypal for a reason. People are comfortable with those images.

Yeah true. Makes me think i should have written a script about teens trying to be witches when the  colourful one behind them in class is a real one who uses them to do her leg work. Now, what would happen after that...

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Yeah true. Makes me think i should have written a script about teens trying to be witches when the  colourful one behind them in class is a real one who uses them to do her leg work. Now, what would happen after that...

i was working on something similar.
a bullied teen who decides to take up the blackarts to get revenge..... and it backfires as her spells are far more powerful and devestating then she realized.

sounds too much like carrie. blugh...i know nothing about witches. so i passed.

plus i got much better ideas already in the works.

Don't feel bad, Pen. I knew nothing about witches, but I got this idea in my head and had to figure out how to "witch" it up a little bit with help from my brother and Brett. I'm still not satisfied with how it came out, but it's better than my last OWC was.

If I haven't read your OWC script yet, I apologize. I probably won't get to it until later in the week. I have a backload of feature scripts to read, and I have to get to them before I go crazy.  I feel like a kid in high school with term papers do.

Thought i would bump this back onto the portal as there maybe things to discuss. Indeed, discussion during the week is part of the benefit, for me.

Not sure i have said thanks to Don for this, so, well, thanks... Seriously, it is much appreciated.

I like this format, possibly as a once per year idea. If so, i wonder whether two weeks notice may help, on the other hand it may loose some focus.

I like this number of scripts, not as overwhelming as 40 scripts. The 10 page limit also helps.

I haven't written a feature before (other than my first ever writing a while ago and thats best forgotten) so this has been a decent challenge for me.

So far, there have been plenty of lessons to learn not just on my own, but also from others. Its been a good experience all round, even if i kick myself for silly errors and not listening to that niggle in my head that said, 'don't do that" - which others now tell me. I almost listened!

I didn't think i would take this further but...maybe. Once over i think we can benefit further by discussion on whether to do this, how and whats suggestions readers have for taking this further.

I just saw something in a thread about log lines and it made me wonder. Since we were supposed to enter the first 10 pages of a feature, should the log line be about the first ten pages or for the feature? I would think that would be a huge difference. kind of hard to make an intriguing log line if all you have to go by are those first ten.  :)

Pia, this has just been addressed on the Sinister Plans thread.

Interesting point...

Since that conversation about loglines, should really be here - rather than the Sinister Plans thread, thanks Pia for bringing it up.  

You don't need to have everything that happens in a script in a logline - but you should give an indication of how the story will unfold.   This means, protag, antag, goal, irony.  I should be able to play out my version of your script by reading your logline.

This doesn't mean that it has to be long, just that it has to have enough information.  You should definitely avoid the trap of making it so long that the information I need is buried in the words, like a leaf in a forest.

These loglines are especially important during these 10 pager challenges because there's no other way to tell where your "incomplete" story is headed.  

I wrote my logline based on the entire feature. That's why the challenge was... challenging. We had to have an idea of where we was going with the feature (whether we planned to finish it or not) in order to write the first 10 pages.

I guess some people wrote 10 page shorts, rather than the beginning of a feature though.

Cinemachado

Yes, and that is causing confusion. The challenge was first 10 pages, but it was quickly amended to allow for shorts. However, when we read an entry, we have no idea which is the case, a major problem that should be addressed if this type of challenge be done again.

I can say in my case, I had an idea pop into my head the Friday of the challenge, and I wrote a short based on that Sat. I just couldn't get the idea out of my head, and had to write it. Then Monday I began to write a first 10 based on the instructions. So I had to decided which to submit.

Yeah, that does create confusion in reading the scripts. I think if the challenge is to be done again. It should be one or the other. BEcause you also run into problems when someone's script ends with a band and someone else's ends with the beginning of a story. Obviously, it's not a competition, but obviously a 10 page short and the first 10 pages of a feature cannot be reviewed in the exact same way. They don't follow as dramatic of an arc.

Hello everyone!

I'm sending this through to let you all know that my desk top crashed. I'm still able to get on the site with my black berry.

I hope to get my desk top up and running asap.  it has all my scripts on it! On top of that I'm moving  out of my house.

In the mean time I'll read as many I can when possible. Hope to be up and running soon.

The scripts should have either 'short' or 'feature' on the end of the log, near
pdf.

I put for mine: Comedy, feature, 10 pages, pdf, from memory. But i don't think that appeared on the script thread.


Yeah, just checked - it says pdf, format.  No mention of whether its a short of feature.

Okay, so I think I’ve read them all now and was extremely impressed with the standard on show. I personally thought that every single one had something about them worth pursuing, whether it be a short or feature.

It was interesting to see everyone’s take on the genre and on the whole, think it was tackled well.

Also it was good to see so many different styles and techniques in writing, shows that while there is a standard format to follow, people have different ways of portraying it on the page. I also learnt a few new techniques which I would like to practice in my own work.

A big congratulations to everyone who took part and I was thrilled to be involved in my first ever OWC even if my entry was awful...I have no excuses but to say I’ve learnt that you should never leave it so late to start and don’t enter something unless you’ve proofread it more than once. Suffice to say that I’ve learnt my lesson and won’t make the same mistake again.

(On that note, is it okay to critique your own work because I did, thought it would look funny to leave feedback on all but one. Anyway, if it’s not I’ll just delete it, I can do that right?)

Again, a big well done to everyone. It’s been a great experience and I’m really looking forward to find out who wrote what? I have my ideas...

Steve

Quoted from CoopBazinga (On that note, is it okay to critique your own work because I did, thought it would look funny to leave feedback on all but one. Anyway, if it’s not I’ll just delete it, I can do that right?)

Hell yes, it's OK!  Sometimes, this is the best feedback and funniest.  Peeps used to always do this to throw others off the track by bashing their own script.

I sometimes comment on my own as well, but it depends how fast I read them. If I take a week to read them all then I skip commenting on my own.

Quoted from Dreamscale Hell yes, it's OK!  Sometimes, this is the best feedback and funniest.  Peeps used to always do this to throw others off the track by bashing their own script.

Damn!!! I went too easy on myself! ;D ;D I really wanted to bash mine...it deserves it(so many schoolboy errors) but thought it would look really harsh to do so. :)

Next time...

I think it would be funnier to go to your own script and praise it like the writer is the next big thing. Then again, some people might read reviews before reading a script and let their thoughts be influenced by what you wrote.

Quoted from Felipe I think it would be funnier to go to your own script and praise it like the writer is the next big thing. Then again, some people might read reviews before reading a script and let their thoughts be influenced by what you wrote.

I'm sure that's been done before -- And, in these anonymous gigs, it's probably best to do that.  Throw people off.  Praise it or bash it, one of the two.

EDIT:  Jeff outlined exactly what I was talking about.  Should'a read the thread.

Finished them. Nice not to have 40 to go through, yet a decent number to have variety.

It seems worthwhile, to me, to discuss Titles and Loglines. These are not normally discussed in detail on SS, i think, yet if you want to push your script in the real world, they are important tools.

I have commented that many are tag lines, IMO, but i hasten to add i am no expert. Yet, for most, this was a feature challenge so i feel the title and log lines importance were elevated.

Happy to discuss (tomorrow when i wake up)

Maybe useful after the OWC for us to help each other fine tune the loglines as an experience in itself.

I will wait until later in the week before discussing which i thought were the stronger candidates. Maybe a new thread for this would be sensible?

Finished 'em all.  

High quality for such a hard challenge IMO.  

I'll be putting together a list of my favorites.  I also have a few guesses as to who wrote what but I'll wait for the appropriate time.

Nice job everyone!

Greg

Quoted from Felipe I think it would be funnier to go to your own script and praise it like the writer is the next big thing. Then again, some people might read reviews before reading a script and let their thoughts be influenced by what you wrote.

I kinda trashed my last OWC script while it was all still anonymous.
Maybe that's why Cornetto took the fall for my toilet shenanigans! ;D

E.D.

Actually managed to finish them all...

Don't know how some people got through them all so quick -- hefty piece of work.

Standard, overall IMO, was pretty high.

So is anyone putting up lists of their favs???

I thought the writing was generally good. A funny thing, though. There were several that were written well, in the pure sense, with strong writing and formatting, but where the story didn't work well for me, or was hard to follow. And there were others where the writing was full of grammar mistakes and sloppiness, but the story was pretty enjoyable.

I'm a fan of originality, so I appreciated some of the different takes on things. We had a cop witch on a bike, witches hunted by Nazis, and dust bowl witches of the Depression.

And my favorite line: "He FARTS, quietly but it lasts awhile."

That still makes me laugh!

I quite liked the "hair combed with a live chicken", even if it was a bit out of place.

Also, i remember the scene where a man craped his skin and turned into a slug. I didn't feel it was that appropriate but i certainly remember it!

Oh, the mouse in the mouth was good as well.

It seems to me this one is a bit more open than the last OWC.  Even the most favoured scripts seem to split readers. It will be interesting to see. Also we don't know how Don will do the voting.

One thing that i remember every now and then, shortly after a bout of beating myself up, is that, for me, the script was considered, outlined, and written in six days. Every time i leave a script for a few days and pick it up its amazing what you see that you had missed before. This "challenge" doesn't allow you that.

These scripts are particularly good for that reason.

I don't consider myself one of those natural writers so i need time to fine tune. A two week challenge would be much kinder, but less fun.

There does appear to be a few useful topics being raised in this OWC from techniques used/applied, loglines, etc which so far have divided readers.

No doubt the debates will kick off soon.

I wrote mine the day after it began, but didn't intend to enter it. I came up with an idea for a feature that I really wanted to try. But it involved researching something, and I just couldn't get it together in time. So I sent the thing I had written Saturday.

Maybe I'll use the other one for the 7WC. It's up to about 18pgs. Maybe.

Quoted from leitskev I wrote mine the day after it began, but didn't intend to enter it. I came up with an idea for a feature that I really wanted to try. But it involved researching something, and I just couldn't get it together in time. So I sent the thing I had written Saturday. Maybe I'll use the other one for the 7WC. It's up to about 18pgs. Maybe.

One day! I spent most of that day trying to work out what the hell i was going to write about. That came to me late saturday, i think. What time i had on sunday went into planning, research etc

I really tried to think of this as a feature, build characters and where their arc was to go, give it a theme, start to assemble the back story, but with only 10 to play with, out was tricky to know what to include and what not to.

Good experience though.

Sometimes I can't think of anything all week. But once I think of something, it doesn't take long to write. The idea that hit me, hit me so hard that I had to write it, even though I didn't actually plan on ever posting it. It was just something that I had to put down in words once I thought of it.

And then I couldn't come up with a 10 page beginning to a feature, even though I had plenty of time!

By Thurs I only had 4 pages toward the feature, and was still researching a subject I knew next to nothing about. So I just sent the other.

It's tricky starting a feature, because the first 10 pages are the most important. You have to set up your whole story with it.

Yeah, i agree. At first i thought it was fab but i kept on running into holes and needing to do more and more background work, because it was a feature,  and i wanted it all in the right place.

The short scripts have been, on balance, easier.

Is anyone else, sort of gagging to know who wrote what? I'm sad, but it kinda feels like Christmas, and I'm after opening all my prezzies.

Okay. That should be very sad. With bells on.

Quoted from Forgive Is anyone else, sort of gagging to know who wrote what? I'm sad, but it kinda feels like Christmas, and I'm after opening all my prezzies. Okay. That should be very sad. With bells on.

I dunno, but can I sound cool and say PAGAN MAN has legs.  ;D

Can you imagine the fantasy of that? One guy in a coven of witches?!

Who the hell can beat that?  ;D

Sandra

Quoted from Forgive Is anyone else, sort of gagging to know who wrote what? I'm sad, but it kinda feels like Christmas, and I'm after opening all my prezzies. Okay. That should be very sad. With bells on.

I hear ya, pal.
But I'm hoping we'll give it the full week before the reveal.
Work's a swamp and I'm only half way through them.

E.D.

Quoted from Electric Dreamer Work's a swamp and I'm only half way through them.

Strive on, good man - it's worth it!  ;D

I still have ten or so left to read.

I guess I was the only one that had trouble with the Pagan, so it must be me. The switching back and forth and the blended location VOs left me lost and frustrated. That story actually made my blood pressure rise in frustration. The only one that did that. Even though some of the writing was quite excellent at times.

Maybe I am not patient enough as a reader, and that's the problem. When I get to around page 5, I need to have some sense of the basic contour of the story. If I don't, unless the narrative is somehow drawing me in, I start getting frustrated.

Let me compare to Dry Spell. I had no idea what the witch was in London for. So I really didn't know where that story was going. But it never left the cell, so it didn't bother me. It had a straightforward narrative.

Had Dry Spell started jumping around to unconnected or loosely connected locations, I would have been frustrated too.

This happens to me in film also. You take a movie like LOR. Once it gets going, there's a lot of jumping around. But it doesn't bother me, because I'm in the story. I'm captured. I have a sense of the world I am in. The beginning of part one of LOR stays on the hobbits while it captures us. Part II is different, jumps around from the start, but if you saw part I, that's ok. You're involved with the story.

The Nazis in Poland story was done correctly as far as sequencing. The early scenes are all in Poland, so you always know where you are. Once the story is framed, THEN it jumps to London. Had it jumped there earlier, and then used that dreadful VO scene mixing, I would have been frustrated with that story too. So it really was an issue of technique for me. Pagan was probably better written, but the Nazi one used better technique. IMO denseheaded opinion.

Quoted from Grandma Bear I still have ten or so left to read.

So we really are talking Christmas, then?  ;D

Quoted from leitskev I guess I was the only one that had trouble with the Pagan.

No... I had some problems with it as well - it doesn't jump all the time, I think that mainly happened toward the end of the script - I like the first half, and felt it was developing into some fairly interesting, but then went somewhere else.

As such, it does 'set itself' as it spends some time with Gus, then moves to the commune, and then mixes the two, so I didn't have a problem with the structure in that way - it was just the way it blended the two didn't work for me at all.

I hope the writer doesn't mind our discussing it. I have no idea who it is, but obviously a strong writer, no doubt light years better than me, so probably annoyed as he!l.

I did my best to explain the problem I had, hopefully that helps, because obviously it's a supereasy thing to fix. I like Gus as a character, so while the overwhelming majority of entries don't have feature legs, and probably aren't really intended to, this is one of the few that could.

Maybe this will help a little, too. When I was working on my last feature, I realized a problem. The reader/viewer should at some early point be able to describe in a few words what the story is about. All he knows is the title and what he's seen. Assume he's not read a log line or seen a trailer. That's why title is important.

Look at Jaws. If you ask someone what it's about, a film buff might say it's about a man overcoming his fears to do his duty and save his community. Fine. But that could be a thousand movies. Jaws is about a killer shark. Yeah, the other stuff matters, but when you're talking with your friends about what movie to see, you'll say it's about a killer shark.

So you always know what the movies about. As long there are shark scenes, you won't feel lost.

Most stories are a little tougher. You can't usually tell just from the title. So you have to establish that in the movie as early as you can. In The Godfather, people might have gone in thinking it was just a gangster movie, but within minutes they knew it was about family, the role of the crime lord in the Italian community as a leader.

In the Nazi script here(no idea of writer) we know early on that it's about the Nazis hunting someone who's very important to the war effort. We know she's important by connecting it to the title Secret War. That sounds big, important. We see the Nazis killing, so we know the stakes. So certainly within a few pages you have a sense what the story is about. I think giving people that sense is important, and risky when you don't.

Anyone else think the words "Good Effort," while having the best intentions, will always sound like a bad thing? =D

I'm sure there is a thread about this somewhere in the forum, but what are your opinions on FADE IN? I personally see it as wasted space... I would never take "points" off from someone for having it in their script, but I don't really see the point.

I know I'm probably making the veterans groan right now by bringing up a format question... Sorry.

Quoted from Felipe Anyone else think the words "Good Effort," while having the best intentions, will always sound like a bad thing?

yes. as well as congratulations for finishing.....

Had forgotten that one. haha

Negative feedback is great because it helps you see what could be better in your story, but those last words always feel like an added slap in the face.

I'm not saying people shouldn't use them, because I know they are used with the best intentions. I actually get a kick out of it. =D

Carry on.

I do agree. The intentions are good, but it's a form rejection letter.

Quoted from Felipe Anyone else think the words "Good Effort," while having the best intentions, will always sound like a bad thing? =D

Not if it comes from Jeff.  ;D

Sandra

Quoted from Sandra Elstree. Not if it comes from Jeff.

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

I honestly don't know what you people want or expect.  I have gone out of my way to be as positive and nice as humanly possible here and it still doesn't seem to work.

I give up.

I don't actually mind being told "good effort." I just think it's funny every time I see it.

Pretty sure Sandra was kidding.

Quoted from Dreamscale ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D I honestly don't know what you people want or expect.  I have gone out of my way to be as positive and nice as humanly possible here and it still doesn't seem to work. I give up.

I've actually been really impressed by your comments, Jeff. They're quite good, even if you clearly weren't a fan of the script. Huge kudos:)

Quoted from JC Cleveland I honestly don't know what you people want or expect.  I have gone out of my way to be as positive and nice as humanly possible here and it still doesn't seem to work. I give up

Good effort Jeff  :):)

Mark

Quoted from irish eyes Good effort Jeff  :):)

;D ;D ;D ;D

Well played.  I tried.  That's all I can do.

Maybe people would rather hear their writing and scripts are great, and leave it at that.  I personally don't see how that is ever going to help a writer that is making mistakes or just doesn't know or get it.

Quoted from Dreamscale Maybe people would rather hear their writing and scripts are great, and leave it at that.  I personally don't see how that is ever going to help a writer that is making mistakes or just doesn't know or get it.

Well, we all know where this came from don't we?

And the problem is when it becomes a call to dishonesty.

You MUST say something positive, or have an overall positive vibe, or not be negative about a script, so you end up saying 'congrats on entering'. Yes we can read between the lines, so I've generally put it in all of them.

Criticism is a trick (tricky) and should (in its original form) be a balance of good and bad. But sometimes there's very little good to go on, so it's bound to end up 'forced' or somewhat disingenuous.

But I'm not entirely convinced it's a completely bad thing, as has been proved here, the lines inbetween can be exposed for what they are...
;D

Quoted from Dreamscale ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D I honestly don't know what you people want or expect.  I have gone out of my way to be as positive and nice as humanly possible here and it still doesn't seem to work. I give up.

Hey jeff (now known as Mr Cuddles), i thought you got it spot on. You probably know that in previous ones you went too far, but not here. Look if anybody gets wound up by "good effort" or something similar then thats a bit over sensitive. Ok it may jar, but damn it, it could have been worse.

As more OWC's take place reviewers, especially the new ones, will probably find their own way of saying it wasn't for me.

What is really helpful is when someone dips back in with further thoughts or reflection, it shows they tried.

Now to the choices.

Two things to think about [1] which do i prefer and [2] who wrote what etc

In reverse order, i have names in mind (to be revealed when appropriate - does another thread begin for this? should the writers be revealed first without naming scripts?) for;

(in the order i read them)

Three
Blood Root
Sinister Plans
Pagan Man
The Secret war

Real counterfeit witches is a given

a few others may arise when given further thought.

Last time i guessed Eoin for one script and he hadn't even submitted one - woops.

Now to my favourites, which again will follow at a suitable time.

First things first. This was primarily a feature script challenge. There were some decent shorts, but i will have to consider them separately. So the first ten pages will end suddenly and leave many things unexplained, or should do IMO. The questions i want to ask are;

1] can i see this as a feature and then would i want to see it. The second part is less important as i may not be the target audience, but still, could it appeal in the real world?

2] Do i know the protag, what they have to over come etc?

3] can i see the journey and a hint of subplots and themes

4] Well written and paced are obviously important as well but, as i will forgive myself for typos and the odd awkward phrase, i will forgive others bearing in mind the six days given to put everything together.

5] was there an inciting incident to trigger this story? Now if you believe the guru that it is STC (don't shout at me, i'm just saying) this should appear on page 12 - damn two too late. So it will be interesting to hear whether anybody's script had the II to appear later.

Many others, but at its heart, does this feel like the first ten of a feature?

As a final note, you wouldn't want to do this all the time, but i think this has been a great test and a worthy variation.

When I write congrats on finishing the OWC, I'm not trying to be mean.  :-/
I'm happy that the writer had written a script and entered it in the challenge for me to read.

Cindy

Quoted from CindyLKeller When I write congrats on finishing the OWC, I'm not trying to be mean.  :-/

I know Cindy. It was not aimed at you either. I meant that when a review starts with Congratulations for finishing and then it turns out that was the only positive thing that person had to say about the script, then it does feel...condescending maybe.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Real counterfeit witches is a given

Am I the only one who doesn't know who did this? :-/ I haven't been on SS long enough I guess. :)

So I've got my list of favourites ready.

But I've also got another little list of people who I might need to apologise to...

Must be par for the course???

And I'm lost on Real Counterfeit's author as well. I'm just sticking to male/female as far as guessing identity goes. I know. Set the bar low.

Quoted from CoopBazinga Am I the only one who doesn't know who did this? :-/ I haven't been on SS long enough I guess. :)

Quoted from SiColl0007 And I'm lost on Real Counterfeit's author as well. I'm just sticking to male/female as far as guessing identity goes. I know. Set the bar low.

Are you guys frickin' serious?  The writer of this script has a long history of writing such scripts, especially in OWC's.  If you go back to any and every OWC that he or she was a part of, you'll see immediately what I mean.

And I will give you 2 hints - I didn't write it and Stevie didn't write it.  Hope that helps, as I'm sure the two of us were at the top of your list of possible writers.

Here's some of my favorites in no particular order:

Three - Some people didn't like this, but I thought it was a very promising start for a feature.  Three distinctly different personalities blended with a good dose of humor.  I would be interested to see where that one goes.

Of Mice and Monsters - This one had the benefit of having a really good ending so it was a complete story in a batch of feature introductions.  I'm a history buff, especially the WWII era, and I enjoyed the subtle touch of witchcraft/magic/gypsyism/whatever you wanna call it.

The Secret War - Another really interesting start to a feature reminded me a bit of Saving Private Ryan.  However, instead of the intense drama it throws in the fantasy factor.  Should the writer continue with the feature, I'm not sure a witch would be the way to go, but definitely something or someone with powers.  Maybe a Jedi =D

Hellfire - The start of what could be a pretty cool action/thriller.  It also kind of reminded me of End of Days, so...be careful :)

Blood Roots - Liked the direction this one went.  Really reminded me of some corny reality TV show that may air late night on the Sci-Fi channel...except it wasn't corny.  Could be fun to continue with this one.  

Those are my top 5 I'd say.  A couple others on the bubble:

Sinister Plans - I really liked the ideas brought up in the first 10 pages but think they should be rearranged.  I would have liked to see more of the girls and their lives and what they're up to and then would have liked the creepy "uncle" to make his appearance.

Cherry Bomb - Very well written.  Story-wise I didn't think it held up with the direction that some of the others went.

Greg

The only reason I know who wrote Real Counterfeit Witches is because Pia said the name in her review. But then again, I'd probably know who it was if I had been here long enough to learn people's styles.

I'm really having trouble evaluating and listing favorites. I think I still have a few to read, too.

The problem is some of the better written ones have stories that I don't think have market potential, or would even be interesting in film.

Some of the ones that would be interesting are not at all well written. And I'm not talking about formatting or even action writing, that stuff doesn't go in the film. I'm talking about dialogue that has a LONG way to go, or even plot elements that don't work.

Like the Hellfire one. I liked it, but that critical scene in the middle where he calls the girl from the hospital because the men's room door handle breaks and there's a smelly, skinless biker in the room. I just could not understand why he called some woman who gave him a card at the hospital.

Secret War has a great concept, might even be my favorite, but the way things played out in the village did not feel real to me. And it seemed hurried. The German would ask a question, have a bunch of people shot; ask another question, have more shot. That sequence of scenes, especially with the burning of the church, the questioning that came before, the escape...that would take 15 minutes of film, at least. But it was only, what, 6 or 7 pages, maybe 8.

Blood Root was one of the better written ones, but was flat. The characters, the tension, the emotion...kind of flat.

Sinister probably seems like the one that has the best chance to make it. Nothing that's going to change the history of film, but I can see where the tension will rapidly build after page 10, so this one could make it to the finish line.

The bada$$ cop witch has some market appeal.

I'd have to see where Cherry goes next. That one is tough to tell on 10 pages. Written well enough, and creating enough interest to keep the reader reading, which is priority number one as a writer.

Dry Spell could make a fun short. Needs a few more one liners, but would be funny and easy to film. Worth working on.

Witches Flame has a unique and appealing setting, and an intriguing protag. Plus an interesting dynamic with the 3 main characters, one ripe for conflict. The mother witch and her coven needs to be reworked, and without giving the thing away, a better idea of what this is about should be given to the reader.

Witch Hunt could make a great SNL skit. Needs to be washed, rinsed and focused so that things are tight. Less characters, more humor, clearer setting(no court).

Of Mice and Monsters needs a better title. The title almost suggests humor, but it's a serious short, which could perhaps be expanded.

Quoted from Dreamscale Are you guys frickin' serious?  The writer of this script has a long history of writing such scripts, especially in OWC's.  If you go back to any and every OWC that he or she was a part of, you'll see immediately what I mean. And I will give you 2 hints - I didn't write it and Stevie didn't write it.  Hope that helps, as I'm sure the two of us were at the top of your list of possible writers.

I'm absolutely frickin' serious, Jeff! I have no idea and am too lazy to search through old OWC's to find out. Seems the author is well known and all will be revealed soon.

At least I wasn't the only one. That makes me feel better. ;D

2 more clues...

The writer is not of Aussie descent.

The writer does not live in America.

OK, fuck it...3 clues...

The writer just may live in the Great White North...

Read Pia's review and you'll know who wrote it.

Quoted from Dreamscale 2 more clues... The writer is not of Aussie descent. The writer does not live in America. OK, fuck it...3 clues... The writer just may live in the Great White North...

I'm gonna need a fourth clue, Jeff ;D ;D ;D Keep em' coming

The fourth clue is right below Jeff's post...

I think my favourite at the moment is Blood Root.

I need to re read a couple to remind myself where the others lie. However, it is quite clear that all the scripts need some attention so! in some ways, I am looking at this in terms of a concept that could be taken forward.

For that reason, whilst I enjoyed both Of Mice etc and Dry Spell, I feel these are less feature material. Others may not consider the scripts in that way, but to me the challenge was mainly a feature attempt that could be taken forward.

Whilst my own needs a lot of work, and I kick myself for errors and other things, it has been an experience!

Quoted from Felipe The fourth clue is right below Jeff's post...

Eureka! ;D By George, I think he's got it! ;D

Thanks Felipe and Jeff.

"Unless a character does something that virtually no one would actually do in a real life situation, it is foolish for someone to continually question the character's actions.  It just doesn't make any sense at all.  Characters in scripts and movies can do virtually anything their creator wants them to do."__ Jeff

Who is this guy? And what happened to Jeff?

The Jeff I know questions virtually every action of every character in every script. I mean that with no personal disrespect, truly.

Recently, the old Jeff, in a review of a short, could not suspend disbelief that a hot girl would hook up with an ugly guy because he had a good pick up line. He could not accept that a girl in a bar would offer a guy oral sex after just a dance.

The old Jeff could not accept any characters that acted in a way that was outside of his personal experience or expectations.

Again, this is not meant to be disrespectful, and I hope it's not taken that way.

The topic of when an audience can be expected to suspend disbelief is an interesting one, maybe more suited to another thread. There's no correct answer, of course, but it is useful to get different opinions on.

There was a scene in a script we've been discussing: The Disciple Project. It is probably the best and most memorable scene in the story, one which will be most remembered if filmed. And yet it also really did not make sense.

I guy with military training is trying to discover assassins who killed his wife. He knows they will come for him next now that they know he is investigating them. So he sets up in his house.

Next we see the bad guys gas the bedroom so he will sleep, then shoot him in the neck with a knockout dart.

They then take him, unconscious, and his car so they can set it up so that his death looks like a drunk driving accident. As they are setting up the accident, they notice his eyes are open. It creeps them out a second, but they know he is paralyzed by the dart poison and harmless. Then, with a stomach tube, they pour enough alcohol into his system so his corpse will show intoxication.

Now comes the surprise. One of the assassins discovers a metal plate in the guy's neck. He realizes the dart had hit metal, and the guy is not really paralyzed, but is merely waiting for the right moment. At this point, a big fight breaks out, and the protag kills the bad guys.

It's a cool scene, very tense. The idea that he's patiently sitting there allowing these guys get ready to kill him, biding his time, hoping to hear more about his wife's death, is very memorable. It really shows how cool headed this guy is, and how badly he wants to hunt his wife's killers.

And yet the scene is hard to belief. How could he know exactly where in the neck he would be hit by a dart? And would he keep up the act even while they were placing a tube in his stomach and pouting scotch down it? Very unlikely stuff.

And yet I approve the scene, because I feel it will play extremely well with audiences. So I am willing to suspend disbelief.

Suspending disbelief is a tricky thing. It obviously varies depending on the circumstances. I usually try to approach a script prepared to try to meet on its own terms, play by its rules. I want to buy into it. Butt that doesn't mean I always can.

Hey Kevin,

I think the main think that a writer needs to do is tell us who the character is and how he acts in order for us to believe in their actions. If they stray too far from the archetype we've been introduced, it can be jarring and, in some cases, completely take us out of the story.

Obviously this depends on the story, but I feel it is the case most of the time. Actions need to be motivated.

Quoted from leitskev Who is this guy? And what happened to Jeff? The Jeff I know questions virtually every action of every character in every script. I mean that with no personal disrespect, truly. Recently, the old Jeff, in a review of a short, could not suspend disbelief that a hot girl would hook up with an ugly guy because he had a good pick up line. He could not accept that a girl in a bar would offer a guy oral sex after just a dance. The old Jeff could not accept any characters that acted in a way that was outside of his personal experience or expectations. Again, this is not meant to be disrespectful, and I hope it's not taken that way. The topic of when an audience can be expected to suspend disbelief is an interesting one, maybe more suited to another thread. There's no correct answer, of course, but it is useful to get different opinions on.

The old Jeff was an evil robot created to harass talented unproduced writers into becoming even more talented produced writers.  He is not dead, but he's being recharged and retrofitted with some new software.   ;D ;D ;D

Kev, I totally understand your point, and I wish I could articulate my point better, but maybe I need that Jeffbot back...I don't know.

First of all, the example you bring up now from The Chat Up Line is a little out of context, IMO.  Sure, any of that stuff could happen...and does happen on a nightly basis everywhere around the world.  But, in the context of the story, IMO, it was foolish, unbelievable, and completely unnecessary.

So, let's look at a new example and see how this flies...

I'm pretty sure everyone is familiar with the James Bond franchise, right?  Don't worry, I'm not going to go into whether or not it's remotely conceivable that James would be bale to survive even 1% of the shit he gets himself into, as it doesn't matter - it's the classic situation of suspending disbelief within the context of the story and character.

What I do want to bring up is how literally every single James Bond Antag, within every single James Bond novel and movie has the ability to kill James and get back to their dastardly ways, but doesn't immediately, and and instead sets up some elaborate death trap that James escapes every time.

Is this a bad thing?  Is this something that detracts from the movies?

No, it's the way these movies, and others like them work, and without them, we wouldn't have anymore James Bond movies, because he'd be dead.

I think Steve Austin fought the Jeffbots in season 3. One of the Jeffbots did Jamie Sommers though, and old Steve was never the same after that.

Good example with James Bond, and I don't even really have an answer. Cinemachado raises a good point that a character should be consistent with his archetype, which applies perfectly to Bond...and to Jeffbots.

I do think the old Jeff certainly had a VERY low life line when it comes to suspension of disbelief. The Chat Up line was just a recent example. It's not just suspension of disbelief, maybe, but also a set of expectations about what people do or how they act in situations that was limited to his own notions. The new Jeff makes a valid point that characters are unpredictable, or act according to their own inner impulses, not what we might do in their shoes.

Jamie Sommers was hot. I don't blame Steve for losing his bionic mojo.

Movies are just what ifs of life. There are times when it seems plausible and other times it doesn't. People are different. As a writer, you're not going to get everyone to like your work. It's a tough balance.

I think what also makes this tricky - as it pertains to the OWC - is that we, the readers, have only been given the first 10 pages of a feature.

To know how certain situations should play out is tricky, because there may be layers in each scene that are not revealed until after the 10th page.

To know why certain characters do what they do or say what they say may not be revealed until after the 10th page.

Especially if it's a script that has reveals throughout it (ex. thrillers). Not everything needs be revealed in the first 10 pages. The first 10 are there to grab the audience, let them know what they are going to watch and introduce them to some (not all, in some instances) of the major characters.

And also remember, that these are first drafts (for the most part) of the first 10 pages of a feature. These pages would be changed and changed again during re-writes.

Quoted from MacDuff To know how certain situations should play out is tricky, because there may be layers in each scene that are not revealed until after the 10th page. To know why certain characters do what they do or say what they say may not be revealed until after the 10th page. Especially if it's a script that has reveals throughout it (ex. thrillers). Not everything needs be revealed in the first 10 pages. The first 10 are there to grab the audience, let them know what they are going to watch and introduce them to some (not all, in some instances) of the major characters. And also remember, that these are first drafts (for the most part) of the first 10 pages of a feature. These pages would be changed and changed again during re-writes.

I agree. I know, I peppered mine with hints of things to come, but there's no way anyone but me would know that after just the first ten.

And done!

Good work, guys.
These "closed" OWCs tend to be better reads for me.

Top Trio in No Particular Order:

Of Mice and Monsters
Hellfire
The Secret War

Honorable Mention:

Cherry Bomb
Mitch

Diverse genres and time periods kept the reads pretty stout.
My thanks to all the participants!

Regards,
E.D.

OK, I'll throw out my faves along with an honorable mention as well.

Top o' the Heap - IN ORDER

Secret War
Sinister Plans
Madame Laveau
Cherry Bomb
Blood Roots
Pagan Man
Hellfire

Honorable Mentions
Salem Finds Me
Dry Spell

"Good job!" to all who participated!

I get the feeling this one is wide open, myself not included. I have stated my favourite, but its not without issues. Which isn't?

When are the writers revealed?

As Mcduff says above, all these scripts would need to change, then change again  etc etc so it's hard to review now on a first draft.

Which one has legs?

Look forward to the debate over the weekend.

Hello :) I thought I need to write this, but didn't really know where. This is my first OWC and I am very grateful to everyone for posting feedback. I tried writing some feedback for several scripts, but quickly realized that the level of writers over here is way above mine, since I write for only six months or so :) There was not much I could really contribute. I enjoyed reading them all, though. There is always something to learn.

Quoted from VaultMan Hello :) I thought I need to write this, but didn't really know where. This is my first OWC and I am very grateful to everyone for posting feedback. I tried writing some feedback for several scripts, but quickly realized that the level of writers over here is way above mine, since I write for only six months or so :) There was not much I could really contribute. I enjoyed reading them all, though. There is always something to learn.

Congrats on finishing the OWC - this one was quite a challenge. It's also appreciative that you attempted posting some feedback. There are many amazing writers on here that not only post great scripts, but also post great feedback.

The only suggestion I have, is to continue reading, writing and reviewing - it's the greatest way to continue learning the craft.

Also - sometimes critisicm can be hard (and harsh), especially if you are a new writer. Just take it all in stride and learn to take things from each review that you believe will improve your writing and/or the story itself.

Congrats again.

Vault man, never hold back your opinions. They are welcomed and useful, no less so because you are new. And at 6 months, you aren't new!

New writers often bring a purity to their reviews. They are uncontaminated by theory or rules. I love the opinions of new writers, I really do. It's great to have veteran perspective, but it's equally good to get the fresh insight.

Quoted from MacDuff Also - sometimes critisicm can be hard (and harsh), especially if you are a new writer. Just take it all in stride and learn to take things from each review that you believe will improve your writing and/or the story itself.

True, as I found out this week :) Seemed quite devastating at first, but now, I must say, I realize how much there was wrong with my writing and, probably, what to do next. The thing I wrote was very illustrative of what I usually write, so the critique was quite universal for me. As it turns out, what seems to be devastating critique can be very helpful.

Quoted from leitskev New writers often bring a purity to their reviews. They are uncontaminated by theory or rules.

Thank you for your kind words, but I've had too much theory already and I might be too bent on following all that structure stuff :) Which is not bad, I guess, for a new writer. As far as I understood, it can make writing too mechanical, though. Everything has two sides to it :)

I wrote my first OWC a year ago. It was not the first thing I had ever written, but the first thing I had ever received feedback on, as I'd been only writing a couple of months.

You should have seen my format and writing. Among my many blunders, I had some dialogue blocks separated, like paragraphs. Who knew?

But I gave substantial reviews on every entry. I may have had little clue what a script was, I barely have one now, but I didn't hold back. People need feedback to get better.

Quoted from leitskev People need feedback to get better.

Makes sense. I'll try to post some more feedback, a bit later.

Alright, I've read them all and I've looked them over again to make my personal selections.

I want to say that I actually found them all to have interesting qualities that made me once again appreciate the diversity here-- even Madam Laveau. Although, I made my points clear on the thread, there was a certain ability I detected, (if the writer pursues it) to work with indistinct dialogue that for me, would prove highly effective, IF, it's more rounded within the context. So despite any harshness by me on that thread, kudos for that.

Not really in order are the following:

For the best potential in Feature form and best concept:

PAGAN MAN

Even if I think this really is very very drafty material in terms of the way it should or might be constructed, I love it. Really, the name for me even implies a slightly comic tone, but only so much. If it was done right, it could really reach a large audience. As I said before, A single male in a coven of witches has GOT to have serious serious potential.

BLOOD ROOTS

Felt to me the best short in terms of my own personal taste because it had some base in reality with the prize for proof of supernatural power.

A WALK ON THE WICKED SIDE

This one surprised me as I was in the middle of a lot of reads and this one
really excelled I thought in the way the Mobster met with the young, Alana, in the early portion of the story. I definitely think this one could be developed.

For me, the one that was not only the most memorable, but also the one that could be a short or a feature is:

WITCH'S FLAME

Not only do I love the title, but I just thought it had a real serious Pro feel to it.

Note that the imagery of her dancing in the forest was exceptional for me.

Also, I felt that it has a kind of flexible and neutral quality to it where you could play with the time and landscape and characters and still have a marvelous and rich film.

I think overall:

WITCH'S FLAME is my favorite.

Sandra

For me.. the best script was easy... MINE
Why?... Because it was mine :) it had stuff in it and other things and more stuff... yep Mine.

Or Secret war( which isn`t mine)
In order

Mine :)
Secret War
Blood Roots
Wicca Patrol

Overall a great OWC and congrats to everyone who entered and everyone who gave feedback.

Mark

I have more to read and will get to them all by the beggining of the week. Work has kept me pretty busy and  worn out.
I do appreciate the time others have spent reading and commenting on my script.
Cindy

Quoted from VaultMan Hello :) I thought I need to write this, but didn't really know where. This is my first OWC and I am very grateful to everyone for posting feedback. I tried writing some feedback for several scripts, but quickly realized that the level of writers over here is way above mine, since I write for only six months or so :) There was not much I could really contribute. I enjoyed reading them all, though. There is always something to learn.

Vaultman

If you can write one, you can rate one.

There are no experts here. Only writers who look to improve themselves through honest feedback from other writers.

Don't think that because you are a new writer, that your comments are less valueble than anyones here.

Hop in, grab a script and tell 'em what you think.

People here really apperciate that.

Shawn.....><

Hey people, if you would like to join some of us on Skype for an impromptu Simply Radio show to discuss this OWC or anything else for that matter please go on Skype and look up either me "swampmistress" or "cornetto.Michael".

C'mon! It could be fun discussing the last week's scripts!!  :)

Would it be okay to just listen or at least only do the chat? I'm at work and can't really be talking. haha

You can listen if you want.

C'mon you old goats. Rebekah just joined too!!  :)

As I said on Skype...I can't...my mic is inoperable.  Sorry...need a new one...I will take donations...   ;D ;D ;D

Sorry guys - my connection completely died :(

I blame Telstra!!

Hopefully you can keep going without me, cuz it looks like my broadband's done for the day.

Hopefully next time I can do more than chat by text!

No worries.  We did our best to keep it going. Editing it now.

Quoted from Grandma Bear Hey people, if you would like to join some of us on Skype for an impromptu Simply Radio show to discuss this OWC or anything else for that matter please go on Skype and look up either me "swampmistress" or "cornetto.Michael". C'mon! It could be fun discussing the last week's scripts!!  :)

Name the time, Pia.
I'll addd Michael to my contact list.

-DjS

(bTW, folks, DarrenJSeeley87)

Quoted from mcornetto No worries.  We did our best to keep it going. Editing it now.

What! When I see "tommorow" at 11:30 pm I didn't think you meant...
oh well...

Quoted from DarrenJamesSeeley What! When I see "tommorow" at 11:30 pm I didn't think you meant... oh well...

Ok you are added for next time.

Sorry, but I was too passed coherent to make sense. ...does this make sense?

Quoted from Grandma Bear Sorry, but I was too passed coherent to make sense. ...does this make sense?

no.  ;D

Yes it does.
But...I don't.
:P

My three faves in no particular order. May I state that I've judged this on the feature challenge that it original was before shorts was later introduced.

Secret War: This one has huge potential for me, it’s not original by any means but the Nazi’s always make a great antag and although I think it was a wrongly placed scene for a feature, the ending made me want more.

Pagan Man: This one set up the best protag for me, even though I felt he should have had more to do in the first 10 pages. I liked him and wanted to follow his story and the potential of Gus at the wicca commune has so many comedic opportunities.

Hellfire: A good concept with some excellent action in the first 10 pages, I mean you can’t beat that action scene in the toilet with a fart gag in the middle. Lots of potential to go further and also like the witches using modern technology which I felt was a nice touch.

Honourable mentions.

Of Mice and Monsters: Writing wise, this was my favourite as I liked the technique here. Also felt it was a strong story but I couldn’t see it as a feature, more of an excellent short to be honest.

Dry Spell: Again, didn’t think this had the legs for a feature but I truly hope the author gives it a go. This was the kind of comedy I enjoy and I did love the dialogue throughout. I mean, turning someone into a turd was brilliant.

Wicca Patrol: Though it needs a lot of work in the writing department. I just found this very enjoyable with some really funny action going on.

Well done to everyone who participated.

P.S Also a big thank you to Jeff and Kevin for mentioning my short in their recent conversation. I didn’t even pay them an advertisement fee. ;D

I know you've been waiting (not), so here are my favs - no explanations, but for varying reasons:

Blood Roots
A Walk on the Wicked Side
Of Mice and Monsters

...followed by:
The Secret War
A Mother's Legacy

...and Heads Up to:
Sinister Plans
Madam Laveau

And my get-out clause:
Some great scripts, but I don't know if I gave them all justice - I had some hefty reading sessions, and I think script five may suffer opposed to script one, when you end up foggy-minded. If I didn't give your script the respect it was due - my fault & I apologise. But overall a great set of entries.

Re Simply radio.

Quoted from mcornetto No worries.  We did our best to keep it going. Editing it now.

Looking forward to this.

Hearing this made me to open the previous one with Brett talking about his session at the bar, oh I mean his pitching practice. It was weird to hear voices to on line names.

Jeff, I thought you sounded like a cross between Kevin Costner and Jeff bridges!! No doubt others with have different names!

Looking forward to hearing this.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Jeff, I thought you sounded like a cross between Kevin Costner and Jeff bridges!!

Very interesting.  I'll take that cross any day.  Maybe I need to get into voice acting work for high profile animation projects?

I'm looking forward to hearing Stevie's voice, and am wondering if I'll understand a single word that comes out of his arse.

I'm not sure what I ended up saying. I was told I talked too much about the first script and had to cut it down because we had 24 of them to cover. Then my brain got foggy and I couldn't remember which script was what.  ;D

Still fun to talk to SS people every now and then on Friday nights.  :)

How many brews were inside you, Pia?  I'm guessing 12-14.

Glad I didnt join the talks now...

LOL

Shawn.....><

Biggest problem was trying to remember which script was which. To be hones, if you read a lot, it can be hard to remember each story unless they really stick out for some reason. I had to cheat and look at my comments on a couple of them.

When do we get to guess the writers?

Are the real names released beforehand? Worth having a guess just for fun, even if pia gave her script away - arh, you would have to listen to the radio to find that one out!

I would have a real hard time guessing since there are so many new people taking part and I'm not familiar with their styles.

I'll give a hint to mine though. The feature has murder and extortion in it.

Mine has a witch.

Well, that is a hint. It means all the scripts with more than one in it is not yours....right?  :)

Ah so Jeff was able to get his mic working? Awesome:) Sorry again - I'm hassling my hubby to upgrade our internet service:)

Kevin

Since we're talking I had you down for Cherry Bomb.

Rebekah I had you down for what I now know to be Pias! I have Ryan down for Blood Roots.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Rebekah I had you down for what I now know to be Pias! I have Ryan down for Blood Roots.

How do you know which one is mine?

I think Rebekah told us yesterday which one she wrote, but....I can't remember. ;D

Quoted from Grandma Bear I think Rebekah told us yesterday which one she wrote, but....I can't remember. ;D

You can't Pia?  You were all like "I thought you wrote that one" when she told us.

Good job last night, Pia and Rebekah - you did well.  

Quoted from Grandma Bear How do you know which one is mine? I think Rebekah told us yesterday which one she wrote, but....I can't remember. ;D

Well I listened to a great show on SS radio in which a Pia Cook talks about her OWC script....sounds like you had a good night

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Well I listened to a great show on SS radio in which a Pia Cook talks about her OWC script....sounds like you had a good night

WOW....   ;D

Quoted from Grandma Bear WOW....   ;D

Yeah, and I was listening for my script -  you ran out of time. Oh the irony.

But that makes it easier to figure out which one is yours. By process of elimination....except for  I would have to listen to the show first to hear which ones were mentioned.  :)

Reef

You had me down for Cherry Bomb because there was a bar scene, right? Lol.

I do have a lot of bar scenes in my work. But Cherry was not mine. That drink sounded good though!

Quoted from leitskev Reef You had me down for Cherry Bomb because there was a bar scene, right? Lol. I do have a lot of bar scenes in my work. But Cherry was not mine. That drink sounded good though!

Yeah, it was as scientific as that. Mind you there are no awards.

Gary says you can usually tell a script is mine because there's either a bar or a train...or both! Maybe that's how I fooled him this time.

Maybe I should vote for Cherry because it has a bar? Any other scripts with bars this OWC? didn't Madame have one?

I think Pagan Man had a bar scene and the one in the woods they were sure drinking

Oh yeah. Gus from pagan man, cool guy. That script needs a bit more focus, but Gus was cool.

Ok, I have to back and re-read now so I can vote. D@mn it! I read the contenders a week ago, and no clear cut winner for me, so I have to look at again.

I have been too busy to read any, but I have been monitoring the threads to make sure there is no trouble brewing.

You know something funny?  I have several guesses as to the author based upon the reviews alone!

I have already posted on Jeff's, and Sandra was easy to spot.  I'll do another just to show you how good I am at this.

"A Walk and the Wicked Side" is Abe from LA.  I'll bet you a dollar.

Quoted from mcornetto You can't Pia?  You were all like "I thought you wrote that one" when she told us. Good job last night, Pia and Rebekah - you did well.

Funny, I don't recall saying which one was mine... ;)

Quoted from bert I have already posted on Jeff's, and Sandra was easy to spot.  I'll do another just to show you how good I am at this.

Bert, I'll take that dollar bet on the one you think is mine and doobiedoobwa it.  I wrote the one that Don decided not to post. with the 4 orgy scenes...that's it.

Rebekha, my mic is not working, nor did I participate last night...why...did you think you heard my voice, or what?

Quoted from Grandma Bear How do you know which one is mine? I think Rebekah told us yesterday which one she wrote, but....I can't remember. ;D

I think the statement "Of course, I wrote it" was the clearest indication you’re ever going to get.

Great show BTW. I was just happy I got quoted on SS radio but feel kinda sad if that's my 15 minutes of fame. ;D

Just listened to SS radio... Really enjoyed your comments on the OWC.... great job and great show....
Thanks for the nice review Michael.

Mark

I've read many, will get to  more asap, my pc crashed and I'm in the middle of moving from one part of the state to another. at least on my pc  I could write and do  other stuff.

Thanks to everyone that read mine, as with any OWC if I miss yours let me know and I'll do my best given the situation (was going online with my blackberry, now using banged up lap top that is on life support).

Everyone did a fantastic job IMO.

HGW

Come on Don, time to reveal, or is that just me?

I'm having a look at the 7wc but not wholly sure at the moment. One to ponder this week.

Release the Kraken!!!!!

I'll just come out and out myself. How about that?

I haven't got time to turn my script into a feature but am more than willing to hand it off to anyone who's keen to finish it.

I know which one I wrote... I think.


Mark

Mine was a short that I think I might expand into a feature. Not for the 7WC however, as this would be a long term project that I peck away at. I would want the ending to remain the same. The rest I'd have to come up with.

It would be expensive, so it has no chance at seeing the light of a camera as a short, and little chance as a feature. But this feels like a passion project to me, and I can't even explain why, since it was not a topic I was thinking about. It popped into my head that Friday night, and it was written the next day. I wasn't even going to show it to anyone, but then I sent to someone who I share notes with, and she loved it, so I posted.

I still feel a little bit of an inexplicable passion for developing it. This is the second time I've had that kind of passion for a project, where you just feel you need to write something, even though you know it's not likely to be produced. Not an effective method to get work as a writer, I suppose, but an urge I can't resist at times.

Quoted from Dreamscale Release the Kraken!!!!!

Ha!

Jeff...

Yours didnt get a single vote.

Cause it sucked!  :K)

Shawn.....><

Votes?  Where are the votes?  No one voted for mine?  I can't believe that.  What a travesty.

I wrote the first 10 of a feature. At the time I wrote it, I also wrote down the "tent poles" for the rest of the script and based the first ten pages on those milestones so I had some ideas of story and character arcs. The feedback has been pretty good and so I think I will continue working on the script.

Stew

Quoted from stevie I'm keen on anyone willing to use their hand on me.

Post the second ten or 15 pages, Mac, when you have them, if you want. I'll read. I think reading the whole first act gives a better sense than just the first 10. Look at Pia's, for example. Much of what she just explained will be apparent within 25, but you couldn't tell in 10.

Quoted from leitskev Post the second ten or 15 pages, Mac, when you have them, if you want. I'll read. I think reading the whole first act gives a better sense than just the first 10. Look at Pia's, for example. Much of what she just explained will be apparent within 25, but you couldn't tell in 10.

Thanks. Will do. I've spent the weekend working on the beat sheet and will be starting the next set of pages next week.

Excited!
  :D

Quoted from leitskev Mine was a short that I think I might expand into a feature. Not for the 7WC however, as this would be a long term project that I peck away at. I would want the ending to remain the same. The rest I'd have to come up with. It would be expensive, so it has no chance at seeing the light of a camera as a short, and little chance as a feature. But this feels like a passion project to me, and I can't even explain why, since it was not a topic I was thinking about. It popped into my head that Friday night, and it was written the next day. I wasn't even going to show it to anyone, but then I sent to someone who I share notes with, and she loved it, so I posted. I still feel a little bit of an inexplicable passion for developing it. This is the second time I've had that kind of passion for a project, where you just feel you need to write something, even though you know it's not likely to be produced. Not an effective method to get work as a writer, I suppose, but an urge I can't resist at times.

Kev, I'm thinking along the same lines, I may do something with this one here over time, But mIGHT try something different with the 7WC (if Im able to enter). This OWC, could be made into something like The Punisher (MAYBE LOL).

But I,m thinking Sci-Fi with the 7WC.

I'm thinking of doing a found footage. I've been putting together notes, it does present a challenge if the whole thing is found footage.

Sci fi is one of those things, I think, that it can take longer to write depending on what you do, because you have to invent a whole new world. But I guess if things are kept in a limited location, like a space station or something, not much world creation is required.

Lol space station was one of the things I was kicking around as well. Maybe Solaris?

Seriously im having to wrap my wits around the found footage aspect.

HGW

Maybe we just guess who wrote what???

So far we've got

Leitskev
Dreamscale

and urm... I think Pia got mentioned.

A repository required! Leap in anyone...

Jeff actually wrote one? I thought he was out this one.

I thought I was out of this one as well, but it seems some peeps think I did write a script...like Bert.  Which one did I write again?

Let's end the madness and reveal the writers.

I personally do know who wrote 10 of the 24 scripts.

Stevie wrote Dry Spell.  That underscore instead of a hyphen is his calling card.

How long have you known mine, Jeff? And why did Shawn have to apologize? Just out of curiosity.

I don't know yours, Kev.  I also don't know what you're referring to about Shawn apologizing.  I'm out of the loop.

Quoted from Dreamscale ...it seems some peeps think I did write a script...like Bert.  Which one did I write again?

I went back on that thread and reread your posts.

If you did not write that script you at least know who did -- and probably contributed to a certain extent.

I'll do a shot of that vile Jagie concoction if I'm wrong....

Bert's first Jagie? Alright! Fill up his Simplyscripts mug.

Fill'er up, Bert!!!!!!  I did not write an OWC script this go 'round.

An hour before the deadline, I was asked to look the script over, and I did a quick, on the fly editing job, just trying to help to clean it up.  If that equates to "contributing to an extent", then I guess I'm guilty.

Quoted from Dreamscale Which one did I write again?

Coop was winding me up. I'm clearly the victim here.

So now I've Kev. That's all. And that's because he said he wrote it in the thread.

1 out of 24. Mmmmm. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Which one did Kev write?  Did I miss something?  He outed himself?

Do tell...

Pia came out yesterday. She paved the way. I always follow the pretty ladies. And I figured few would see it, since it's in the script thread.

Looks as though Mr. Lee is going to win again...

Seriously, How many SS coffee mugs does this chap have already?

James

Quoted from jwent6688 Looks as though Mr. Lee is going to win again... Seriously, How many SS coffee mugs does this chap have already? James

Everybody wins, James.  It's a challenge - not a contest.

I've still backing Mr. Fication, myself.

Miss Tified runner up.

Is there a voting poll somewhere that I'm not privy to?

Looks like I'm more than out of the loop - I'm an outsider - who happened to read every single entry and give feedback.  Maybe that doesn't account for anything any longer.

Quoted from Forgive Miss Tified runner up.

Like Jeff i'm getting lost on this one.

Just hope Don does the reveal soon, this OWC seems to have run its course and it would be good to start discussing the merits direct with the writers.

Quoted from leitskev Bert's first Jagie? Alright! Fill up his Simplyscripts mug.

haha...wouldn't be my first.  I just don't like the stuff.

Tastes like week-old coffee mixed with high-proof cough syrup.

I would never defile my beautiful mug with it.

Quoted from JC Cleveland An hour before the deadline, I was asked to look the script over, and I did a quick, on the fly editing job, just trying to help to clean it up.  If that equates to "contributing to an extent", then I guess I'm guilty.

Well, I could be wrong.  Wouldn't be the first time.

I'll wait to see what the author has to say about that piece, I guess, before we decide whose drinking.  Or maybe we both drink.

Jeff, I don't it's a requirement to read every single one. I will admit, that late in the contest, I sneak a peak at the reviews, and if they all seem to suggest the writing is difficult to get through, I may not bother. And if after it turns out the writer reviewed mine, I go back and give it a read.

The only thing I wouldn't do is vote before reading all the contenders. There were one or two this time I didn't review, but I did glance, and knew they weren't going to get many votes. Does that seem unfair?

Quoted from bert I'll wait to see what the author has to say about that piece, I guess, before we decide whose drinking.  Or maybe we both drink.

Hell, I'll drink no matter what.  In fact, I'll have a nice big old Jagie tonight even...for you, Bert!

Quoted from leitskev The only thing I wouldn't do is vote before reading all the contenders. There were one or two this time I didn't review, but I did glance, and knew they weren't going to get many votes. Does that seem unfair?

Totally fair.  My question is  - where is this "voting" taking place?  Is there some kind of poll somewhere that I am not privy to?

Mine didnt get any votes, but thats ok, I'll just keep on churning out clunkers util I reach my eventual goal...Ed Wood style writing.

(some may say Im already there) :)

Quoted from Dreamscale Totally fair.  My question is  - where is this "voting" taking place?  Is there some kind of poll somewhere that I am not privy to?

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1331391866/

Everybody has seen this, right?

No...I wasn't aware of it at all...

You new around here? You want the guided tour? lol

It never showed up for me for some reason.  Not sure why...

For some old fashioned reason I don't want to break ranks and discuss my OWC script before Don reveals, but with the 7WC approaching, I would like some readers thoughts in advance.

Come on Don, time to reveal and let the 7WC start to gather steam.

Before I go, I hope this feature idea has a once a year appearance in the OWC - I maybe in the minority on that but it is a nice difference.

Cheers

I wouldn't mind a first 15 pages challenge as that would at least get us to the catalyst.

Quoted from Felipe I wouldn't mind a first 15 pages challenge as that would at least get us to the catalyst.

Fair point.

One the issues I had was cramming too much in - it didn't work. A few more pages would allow this to breath a bit. Also I would suggest the writer can choose to stop before 15, so if they have reached a sensible place, they stop.

Just out yourselves. That's what we usually do after a week or so anyway. It's not a competition with strict rules to follow.  :)

Thank you, that makes me feel better. Having only been around for a couple i wasn't so sure.

Well I won't fully "out" myself...

But the reason I'd like to go into 15 pages is because most people complained that my script had no witches in the first 10 pages.

I took the challenge as writing the first 10 pages of a feature than will contain "witches in the 20th century." I didn't want to go with the broomstick wielding, wart-nosed, evil beings they are known for. My feature would involve witchcraft or at least the attempt of witchcraft, but it's slightly more based on reality and those things don't happen within the first 10 pages. I just hint at my character's intentions.

I didn't think the challenge meant that I had to have a witch in the first 10 pages, but it seems a lot of proverbial "points" we're deducted from mine because of that.

When the writers are officially announced I can go more in depth with where I planned on going with my story, but you can figure out which one I did from these comments.

There's also another huge hint that was completely accidental.

Dena just confessed all.

How long can the others hold their nerves... who's going to crack next???

I feel like I should offer hard cash to whomsoever holds out the longest...

Am I still in the running for that cash or do you consider what I wrote to be a confession? =D

It's only one of about two, I think, so I need to go check.

Prize in £'s by the way. £ singular.

In Felipe's defense, I have to say that I agree with where he's coming from.

For instance, in one of my all time favorite movies, "The Descent", which is obviously about a cave, there is no cave or mention of a cave in the first 10 pages or minutes.

Interesting comment from Felipe, and I do agree that although his script has some issues, it does seem to have some potential legs for a feature, where most did not - and I'm looking at you, top 2 vote getters!!!   ;D ;D ;D

Well this just bring us back to Leitskev's point - 10 scripts sitting on a desk.

So you've got a script - there's a call out for a genre, and they want your first 10 pages.

So what do you do? Send your first 10 pages as they are?

Or buzz them up to fit the call knowing full well you can change them later if they're interested?

I go for the latter.

I do think 15 pages can give a better indication. Some stories need a little room to build. But no more than 15. If nothing interesting has happened by then, it ain't gonna get off the ground. No runway is that long.

Felipe makes a fair point about the witch.

My script is a short, and it was added by Don that shorts were allowed for this challenge. But if someone didn't vote for it on that basis, I have no problem at all with that. I'm just happy people read it, and some liked it.

I am considering making it a feature. But this is not the first 10 pages. More like the last 10. There you go, how bout a last 10 pages challenge? lol. I like writing endings. And I like happy endings(giggety giggety).

I think Blood is clearly a feature. Can't say about whether it has the legs until we know the rest of the story, but why not? You have a protag trying to hide her power, in conflict with her mother, and desperate to save her family. Sounds like a feature to me.

I did Wicca Patrol, about a sexy (at least in my head) but kick a** Witch cop.

Needs a little work, I'm sure.

She was sexy in my head too! It was really nice to see a different kind of witch. The familiar could be a unique super power, as well. Good job!

Wow. The flood gates are starting to open.

I'm desperately checking back on everything I said in each review, ready to apologize...

There's a good reason for having the limit set at 10 pages. In those first ten pages, we'd better know what we're in for, period. What sort of world we're being introduced to, an idea of the rules of that world, the tone that will carry through the movie, the characters we're going to spend the next 90+ minutes with. If it's a story about witches, I don't need to see a witch anywhere in those first 10 pages but there had better be something supernatural or at least a good foreshadowing of the witchery to come.

Movies like The Descent can get away with holding out because it's right there in the title. You know what you're in for before stepping foot in the theatre. If you want to call your movie The Witches Of Eastwick, you don't have to have an iota of witchery in the first twenty minutes (and it doesn't, not obviously anyway) because it's right in the title and we know right off the bat those characters are the witches in question.

The first 10 pages, and by extension the first 10 minutes, of any feature sets the reader/audience expectations. You don't do yourself any favours by holding out to build the suspense.

Quoted from leitskev She was sexy in my head too! It was really nice to see a different kind of witch. The familiar could be a unique super power, as well. Good job!

Thank Kev! I have to admit she is a hotty, I think her being tough to makes her even more so.

And nice job on yours brother, people are taking notice.

Quoted from ReneC The first 10 pages, and by extension the first 10 minutes, of any feature sets the reader/audience expectations. You don't do yourself any favours by holding out to build the suspense.

Definitely do not agree with this statement.  I'm not saying you should do this, but there are many very effective ways that you can and have the more powerful script/movie because of it.

I agree with Rene. If there is not a witch, there absolutely should be something supernatural. Very important to establish tone and genre in those early pages. There almost should be something in the first 5 pages that establishes genre.

Quoted from Dreamscale Definitely do not agree with this statement.  I'm not saying you should do this, but there are many very effective ways that you can and have the more powerful script/movie because of it.

Hi Jeff - can you expand a bit on this - you're losing me a somewhat. The start of the movie should be the set up, right? I don't just mean QT doing the exiting bit first and then going back to the set-up... or do you mean this?

But you have to set up your character, and you have to give an indication of the story??? And you have to set then tone 'n' stuff.

From what I gathher you better have set up just about everything your story is going to be, and in the first 10 minute, or else.

If you lose your viewer in the first ten minutes you might have lost them period

Quoted from ReneC The first 10 pages, and by extension the first 10 minutes, of any feature sets the reader/audience expectations. You don't do yourself any favours by holding out to build the suspense.

I agree. But my reason for not having a witch in my first 10 pages had nothing to do with building suspense or anything else for that matter. It's just not that kind of movie. I'm not even complaining about the reponse I got. If anything I am very happy about the response I got. I don't think what I did would be classified as "holding out" though.

I'm assuming most who have read it know which script I am referring to, but I will try to hold out explaining myself until names are officially revealed.

Quoted from Hugh Hoyland I did Wicca Patrol, about a sexy (at least in my head) but kick a** Witch cop. Needs a little work, I'm sure.

I liked it! ;D It could do with a polish up for sure but it was an entertaining ride. I think the idea of a wicca cop is sound, lots of potential.

Sure...

Definitely tone needs to be set immediately, IMO.  Genre should be clear as well, but in most cases, that's obvious based on the marketing (of a movie), or the title or logline.

IMO, alot of it has to do with the genre and setup you're going for.

But for me, one thing is very clear, in my head, at least.  The first 10 pages or even first 15-20 should not be anywhere near a full story, as many of these supposed first 10 pages were.  And I seriously doubt many of these can effectively carry a full feature idea, because of where and how they started.

And, yes, I am referring to both Blood Roots and Of Mice and Monsters.  I am not picking on these in any way, as they were both solid efforts for the most part, but for me, in no way will they have the legs going forward.  And I seriously doubt either was conceived as the first 10 pages, with the accompanying next 80-100 pages remotely plotted out or thought through.

Of course, I don't know this for a fact and could be wrong and could be proved wrong.  We'll see.

Hi Jeff. So let me get this right - you're talking on a wider scale and a small scale..?

So 6th sense set a tone, but gave no clue as to where it was going, so if fact its strength lay in the fact that the audience did not know where the story was heading?

Of Mice and Monsters kind of begins in the middle (right?).

And Blood Roots... I'm not too sure about that - I'd have thought that it did have have legs -- but then what you're saying is that whoever wrote BR didn't figure out where it was going - as in the full 90 pages when they put the 10 pages down?

I guess you are not seeing my many posts on this, Jeff, but Mice and Monsters is a short. A short. A short. A short. A short. A short. A short.

Don posted shortly after the challenge began that shorts were acceptable, because several people indicated they did not wish to begin a feature they did not plan on finishing, and they did wish to write a feature about a witch.

I don't really understand what you mean about Blood. How does that have less legs than Sinister?

Quoted from CoopBazinga I liked it! ;D It could do with a polish up for sure but it was an entertaining ride. I think the idea of a wicca cop is sound, lots of potential.

Thanks CoopBazinga! Who can resist a woma in uniform right?  :P

I think the only reason Blood Roots fails as the first 10 pages of a feature is because it sets up a character that wants to keep her powers hidden, but also needs to support her family, and by the end she has already made the choice that is set up. The movie tells us that she can either support her family or keep the powers hidden. Instead of giving us all the drama of that, her mind is already made up from the start.

If the feature is supposed to be about her dealing with the consequences of revealing her powers, nothing in the first 10 pages indicated that. The audience was not given an expectation of where the story was headed. All the expectations we were given were realized in the first 10.

I think the writer is definitely experience AND talented. I just think that the first 10 pages don't really give us any expectations for the rest.

Quoted Text 1)  There is no reason one couldn't write a 10 page short rather than the first 10 pages.  My initial challenge was going to the be "Cashback" challenge wherein a 18 minute short - Cashback was extended into a feature film Cashback (highly recommend this film if for no other reason than the awesome nudity).

- Don

Could Mice and Men be expanded into a feature? I am thinking of just that thing. I like the ending here, though, so this would be the end of the script. Mirela sees the camp liberated, but she will not live to be free. That was why I put her, in mouse form, behind a grate in the last shot. It's supposed to resemble prison bars. And to me, this symbolizes the fact that even camp survivors are never truly free of the horror that haunts them.

Were I to do a feature, it would begin before they are brought to the camps. Actually, I am thinking of making Yoska a twin brother. Right before the Nazis ship them off to the camp, Mirela has a chance to escape to America, which is what she has always wanted. But her brother does not want to leave the Gypsy clan. When the Nazis come for them, Mirela is in the woods. She can still escape. But her brother is sickly. She turns herself in in order to watch over him.

In the camp, she does what she can to keep him alive. It's sad ending, so I need to give some audience satisfaction. That may have to come in expanding the camp rebellion stuff(which really happened). It also comes from Yoska surviving.

We'll see. It's a tough story.

;D ;D ;D ;D  Ah...I think I see the light...finally.  Kev, so Of Mice and Monsters is yours?  I did not know.  I asked numerous times, but you (or anyone else) never responded.

I gotcha.  Sorry.  Wasn't sure if was it intended as a feature or a short.

It was well done, Kev.  I liked alot of it.  I really did.

I am surprised that a short would receive so many votes here, but in no way is that a bad thing.

As for Blood Roots, IMO, there's just way too much given in the first 10 pages.  If I were watching this movie, I'd be thinking to myself that it had progressed way too far, way too fast.

Simon, my comments are based in general, but your Sixth Sense analogy is actually very astute.  It's definitely one of those movies that succeeds based on what it does and doesn't reveal.

Many others as well.  Hostel is a great example as well, although some will argue that the "intro" over the titles shows its hand, but IMO, that was most likely added after the fact because they were concerned that absolutely nothing remotely "horrific" took place in the first 30 minutes, which does make sense.

I think both Blood Roots and Of Mice and Monsters could be expanded into features.

As Kevin mentioned, Mice was definitely written as a feature.

I think Blood Roots needs to be expanded to work as a feature as well, but I don't think it's only a short right now.

Quoted from leitskev I do think 15 pages can give a better indication. Some stories need a little room to build. But no more than 15. If nothing interesting has happened by then, it ain't gonna get off the ground. No runway is that long. Felipe makes a fair point about the witch. My script is a short, and it was added by Don that shorts were allowed for this challenge. But if someone didn't vote for it on that basis, I have no problem at all with that. I'm just happy people read it, and some liked it. I am considering making it a feature. But this is not the first 10 pages. More like the last 10. There you go, how bout a last 10 pages challenge? lol. I like writing endings. And I like happy endings(giggety giggety).

I'm afraid I'm one of the people who didn't vote for yours because it was a short, personal choice when voting but I definitely liked it. Be interesting to see if you can expand this into a feature, Kev?

What a great idea, the last 10 pages of a feature but surely none of it would make any sense. Not that it matters for me because my first 10 pages didn't make any sense either. ;D

Quoted from Felipe I think the only reason Blood Roots fails as the first 10 pages of a feature is because it sets up a character that wants to keep her powers hidden

My take on it was more based on the log-line - ' but in the process releases a force that even she cannot control.' so the bit in the institute, was in fact the 'true' setup for the story because her powers are now unleashed (under the 'pressures' she faced), and then we move onto how she cannot control them - that gets me wondering - and that makes me want to see where the story goes - and also - she's flawed, so I kind of want to see what happens to her and the kid (and Grannie).

The keeping her powers hidden is the conflict that will underlie the story - once it all gets out of control - she'll still be able to say 'I never wanted it this way' - that was my take on it & that was why it worked so well for me - IMO etc etc.

I wonder if Babz would read any of these beyond the first 10 pages.

All I know is I was thrilled to get past eight....including my own.
I feel my heart wasn't into mine as it should have been. I was getting the same vibe, however, from most of the other entries,
If half of them are expanded into the 7wk , we are all doomed.

Is everybody revealing themselves? Wondered if I should join the bandwagon or not...I'll wait for now.

Well done, Bill. Pagan Man was one of my faves. I think you did a good job with your protag, a very likeable character. Are you going to continue this for the 7WC?

Quoted from CoopBazinga Is everybody revealing themselves? Wondered if I should join the bandwagon or not...I'll wait for now. Well done, Bill. Pagan Man was one of my faves. I think you did a good job with your protag, a very likeable character. Are you going to continue this for the 7WC?

Yes i have exposed myself ...ooh the feeling of relief.

Steve, thanks for the feedback and your comments on Gus. Appreciated.

Yeah, i think i will take this into the 7WC and hopefully the feedback this week will really help. It would be my first feature so no doubt there will be many further lessons to follow.

However, i am embarking on major changes, inlcuding a transfer of the story to the UK, so its not just a case of picking up where i left off. Mind you i think you will find the intial scene is going to be similar.

When you are "outed" i am happy to discuss your script if of assistance. Will you take this forward to the 7WC?

The OWC has brought very mixed results so far. In my first go around, people liked the script, but thought it didn't fit the rules at all (that's true. I failed in that aspect). The second time, I failed completely but running out of time and pages and everyone hated it. This time, it was surprisingly positive, but I'm not thrilled with it, looking at it now. The dialogue is weak and the story rushed. One of these days, I'll do an OWC script I'm actually proud of.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Yes i have exposed myself ...ooh the feeling of relief. Steve, thanks for the feedback and your comments on Gus. Appreciated. Yeah, i think i will take this into the 7WC and hopefully the feedback this week will really help. It would be my first feature so no doubt there will be many further lessons to follow. However, i am embarking on major changes, inlcuding a transfer of the story to the UK, so its not just a case of picking up where i left off. Mind you i think you will find the intial scene is going to be similar. When you are "outed" i am happy to discuss your script if of assistance. Will you take this forward to the 7WC?

I think it's a great idea to transfer the story to the UK.

Will I continue mine in the 7WC? Unlikely as the theme was out of my comfort zone but starting a new feature and completing it in 7 weeks is a daunting task. I have family over from the UK for 6 weeks from the 21st March, this will take up a lot of my time so the chances of me entering is unlikely. I'll try but will not make the same mistake as this OWC and rush it through late.

All assistance would be needed so thank you. :)

Quoted from CoopBazinga All assistance would be needed so thank you. :)

Nike says you should just do it. So do I.

I want to extend my OWC onto the 7WC... Not for myself, or those who enjoyed my OWC....
But for this:

Quoted from DarrenJamesSeeley I'm tempted to not even read this right at this moment. I don't care. I don't give a rat's tail. Yes, the OWCs are just that and there's nothing rewally etched in stone, but still...show some pride, a little respect. It comes across as being stupid. The script needs to rebound. I'm stunned how my SS peers just let that go. In fact, I'm more stunned at them than you for letting you pull that stunt. But some folks dig it...so I'll give it a chance. The script better nail this. Does it? The margins are off at the top. Strike two. Loads of grammar errors. Strike Three. You're out. Not funny...confined to the UN toliet. Seriously, this script rubbed me the wrong way and didn't stop. It almost screamed pisstake to me.

Yes... I wrote MITCH.

I`m glad you enjoyed it Darren:).. a simple "didn`t work for me" would have been better... but whatever...
It screamed pisstake to you, because that`s exactly what it was... a pisstake on the political world... a pisstake on the U.N, a pisstake on the social network, a pisstake on witches and warlocks.
Sorry that your stunned about SS peers letting it go... maybe they have a sense of humor or saw exactly for what it was.... A pisstake!

I never claimed to be a great writer, because I`m not.... I do what I can and as comedy has no bells or whistles, that is how it should be taken.... You either like it or you don`t and those who didn`t like it left me comments on how to improve.

Ah well can`t wait to find out your script, I`m sure it`s the greatest OWC ever wrote...
By the way you spelled "toilet" wrong.

Mark

p.s  I don`t why I let your comments get to me,  maybe I`m just tired from my daughter`s 4 year old birthday party... The joys of parenthood.

Quoted from Felipe Nike says you should just do it. So do I.

I wasn't aware you worked as a rep for Nike, Felipe. Good job at getting some advertising in. :) I've never been one to follow sport's slogans, more beer really. In fact the only slogan I like to hear is "It's beer o'clock" especially on a Friday afternoon. ;D

If I were advertising for my employer, I'd probably try to motivate you by telling you that in space, no one can hear you scream. ;D

Quoted from irish eyes I want to extend my OWC onto the 7WC... Not for myself, or those who enjoyed my OWC.... But for this: Yes... I wrote MITCH. I`m glad you enjoyed it Darren:).. a simple "didn`t work for me" would have been better... but whatever... It screamed pisstake to you, because that`s exactly what it was... a pisstake on the political world... a pisstake on the U.N, a pisstake on the social network, a pisstake on witches and warlocks. Sorry that your stunned about SS peers letting it go... maybe they have a sense of humor or saw exactly for what it was.... A pisstake! I never claimed to be a great writer, because I`m not.... I do what I can and as comedy has no bells or whistles, that is how it should be taken.... You either like it or you don`t and those who didn`t like it left me comments on how to improve. Ah well can`t wait to find out your script, I`m sure it`s the greatest OWC ever wrote... By the way you spelled "toilet" wrong. Mark p.s  I don`t why I let your comments get to me,  maybe I`m just tired from my daughter`s 4 year old birthday party... The joys of parenthood.

I loved Mitch!  I was laughing so hard.  Great stuff, but I said that in your thread.  Congrats on you daughter turning 4!!  My middle son just turned 12, so I can dig it!

Quoted from irish eyes I want to extend my OWC onto the 7WC... Not for myself, or those who enjoyed my OWC.... But for this: Yes... I wrote MITCH. I`m glad you enjoyed it Darren:).. a simple "didn`t work for me" would have been better... but whatever... It screamed pisstake to you, because that`s exactly what it was... a pisstake on the political world... a pisstake on the U.N, a pisstake on the social network, a pisstake on witches and warlocks. Sorry that your stunned about SS peers letting it go... maybe they have a sense of humor or saw exactly for what it was.... A pisstake! I never claimed to be a great writer, because I`m not.... I do what I can and as comedy has no bells or whistles, that is how it should be taken.... You either like it or you don`t and those who didn`t like it left me comments on how to improve. Ah well can`t wait to find out your script, I`m sure it`s the greatest OWC ever wrote... By the way you spelled "toilet" wrong. Mark p.s  I don`t why I let your comments get to me,  maybe I`m just tired from my daughter`s 4 year old birthday party... The joys of parenthood.

Awesome.  Well done, Mark. ;D

Quoted from Felipe If I were advertising for my employer, I'd probably try to motivate you by telling you that in space, no one can hear you scream. ;D

Seems nobody hears me scream in my only bloody house, let alone space. ;D

That was a great tagline though.

Quoted from irish eyes I want to extend my OWC onto the 7WC... Not for myself, or those who enjoyed my OWC.... But for this: Yes... I wrote MITCH. I`m glad you enjoyed it Darren:).. a simple "didn`t work for me" would have been better... but whatever... It screamed pisstake to you, because that`s exactly what it was... a pisstake on the political world... a pisstake on the U.N, a pisstake on the social network, a pisstake on witches and warlocks. Sorry that your stunned about SS peers letting it go... maybe they have a sense of humor or saw exactly for what it was.... A pisstake! I never claimed to be a great writer, because I`m not.... I do what I can and as comedy has no bells or whistles, that is how it should be taken.... You either like it or you don`t and those who didn`t like it left me comments on how to improve. Ah well can`t wait to find out your script, I`m sure it`s the greatest OWC ever wrote... By the way you spelled "toilet" wrong. Mark p.s  I don`t why I let your comments get to me,  maybe I`m just tired from my daughter`s 4 year old birthday party... The joys of parenthood.

Yeah good job, Mark. I had mixed feelings about this one, some I liked, some I didn't. I have to be honest and say I didn't think it had the legs for a feature though. I would be very interested to see if you can pull it off and if I can be of any help, you know where I am...the pub. ;D

Quoted from irish eyes I want to extend my OWC onto the 7WC... Not for myself, or those who enjoyed my OWC.... But for this: Yes... I wrote MITCH. I`m glad you enjoyed it Darren:).. a simple "didn`t work for me" would have been better... but whatever... It screamed pisstake to you, because that`s exactly what it was... a pisstake on the political world... a pisstake on the U.N, a pisstake on the social network, a pisstake on witches and warlocks. Sorry that your stunned about SS peers letting it go... maybe they have a sense of humor or saw exactly for what it was.... A pisstake! I never claimed to be a great writer, because I`m not.... I do what I can and as comedy has no bells or whistles, that is how it should be taken.... You either like it or you don`t and those who didn`t like it left me comments on how to improve. Ah well can`t wait to find out your script, I`m sure it`s the greatest OWC ever wrote... By the way you spelled "toilet" wrong. Mark p.s  I don`t why I let your comments get to me,  maybe I`m just tired from my daughter`s 4 year old birthday party... The joys of parenthood.

^^^^^  awesome.

bravo mark.

THAT'S how you take harsh criticism. with a giant middle finger and a "i'll show YOU" attitude.

8)

Quoted from Penoyer79 ^^^^^  awesome. bravo mark. THAT'S how you take harsh criticism. with a giant middle finger and a "i'll show YOU" attitude. 8)

That's also how you make matters worse, smart guy.

Quoted from irish eyes I want to extend my OWC onto the 7WC... Not for myself, or those who enjoyed my OWC.... But for this: Yes... I wrote MITCH. I`m glad you enjoyed it Darren:).. a simple "didn`t work for me" would have been better... but whatever... It screamed pisstake to you, because that`s exactly what it was... a pisstake on the political world... a pisstake on the U.N, a pisstake on the social network, a pisstake on witches and warlocks. Sorry that your stunned about SS peers letting it go... maybe they have a sense of humor or saw exactly for what it was.... A pisstake! I never claimed to be a great writer, because I`m not.... I do what I can and as comedy has no bells or whistles, that is how it should be taken.... You either like it or you don`t and those who didn`t like it left me comments on how to improve. Ah well can`t wait to find out your script, I`m sure it`s the greatest OWC ever wrote... By the way you spelled "toilet" wrong. Mark p.s  I don`t why I let your comments get to me,  maybe I`m just tired from my daughter`s 4 year old birthday party... The joys of parenthood.

Sounds like they did.
And I already said my OWC wasn't the best. Far from it.
So I misspelled one word in a post, And that word.
Makes the SS kool-aid drinkers feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

To each his own.
And if I had simply written these two following sentences:


I'm sorry I had to quit after page two, it wasn't for me, did nothing for me.
Congrats on completing the OWC!



--stuff like that irks peeps alone.

Have names been revealed yet?  For some reason, I'm not getting E-Mail notifications on alot of these threads.

Not sure what the deal is.

Congrats to the top vote getters - do we know who the writers actually are?

Quoted from Dreamscale Have names been revealed yet?  For some reason, I'm not getting E-Mail notifications on alot of these threads. Not sure what the deal is. Congrats to the top vote getters - do we know who the writers actually are?

Nope.  We're still waiting for Don to pull back the curtain.

OK, thanks for that, Ryan.

I feel like I'm out of the loop here for some reason.   ;D ;D ;D  Maybe that's a good thing?

Quoted from DarrenJamesSeeley That's also how you make matters worse, smart guy.

...seeing as you were the only one who had a real problem with his screenplay.. i would disagree.

i also think your criticism was borderline ..if not totally out of line. the kind of thing that's been talked about exhaustively on this board.


and there's a difference between saying only "it didnt work for me congrats on completion of owc" and going on a 2 post rant....

Quoted from Penoyer79 ...seeing as you were the only one who had a real problem with his screenplay.. i would disagree. i also think your criticism was borderline ..if not totally out of line. the kind of thing that's been talked about exhaustively on this board. and there's a difference between saying only "it didnt work for me congrats on completion of owc" and going on a 2 post rant....

If someone called you out and another person made false statements about the situation, and encouraged poor behavior would you be alright with that? If you did respond to both persons, how would you feel if one of them came back with not one, but two incorrect statements and said you ranted?

Yeah, you might want to post another response...or, I'm sorry,...




I also try to avoid repeating things that others say, be it negative or positive. If I'm one of the first pairs of eyes, then yes, I usually will be more in depth if I can. I didn't do it this time.

But this is the last time I'm going to address the matter. It isn't worth the time. If Don feels I was out of line with that post on Mitch, if he asks me to edit or delete that post I will do so. But don't make me out to be a hate-monger or a mean spirited reviewer. Nothing is further from the truth.

Quoted from leitskev - Don Could Mice and Men be expanded into a feature? I am thinking of just that thing. I like the ending here, though, so this would be the end of the script. Mirela sees the camp liberated, but she will not live to be free. That was why I put her, in mouse form, behind a grate in the last shot. It's supposed to resemble prison bars. And to me, this symbolizes the fact that even camp survivors are never truly free of the horror that haunts them.

Kev!  Definitely do that!  Didn't think that M&M could be expanded, because I thought of the short as the beginning of a feature.  But you're right.  Reverse this sucker, and you could have a very poignant, emotionally deep feature on your hands, a real gem.  DO IT.

i was simply applauding irish eyes for standing up for himself against a pretty stern shoot down of his script (obviously satire is not your thing)

reading back on some previous posts....i saw nothing false at all in either exchange.

i thought your post(s) spoke clearly for themselves.

but i digress.

I see it as a passion project, like my other one, you know what. I think I'll work on it over time. I actually have 3 features started at the moment, all of which I like, and am helping someone else with one. Not enough hours in the day!

I did a lot of research on youtube after I entered it. I researched Gypsy(Romani) culture, as well as the holocaust.

I've definitely become fascinated with the origin and plight of the Gypsies. I wish I could research that in person for the script, meet some traditional Gypsies. But at least there's youtube.

A problem with the Holocaust is that it's too evil for film. Obviously I knew a fair amount about it before, but seeing the horrible pictures and reading the stories...just unbelievable. It's so horrible that you really don't want to recreate in film the way it really was...it's just too much. But then you don't do it justice when you don't. So I'm not sure how to handle that.

The worst is what they did to the children, especially the medical experiments. They had a thing for twins, because you could do things to one then compare to the other. At Auschwitz they had, I think, 1600 twins, and only 100 survived. The few surviving pictures give testament to the inhumanity. They even took kids and surgically joined them together to artificially create Siamese twins! They punctured eyes, poisoned, and removed limbs, all without anesthesia. Inhuman. If I could go back in time...

Anyway, I'm thinking of this: The Nazis move into Italy to help repel the Allied invasion(it has to be a country they moved into late for the sake of the story, since there is a liberation at the end). At first, they are preoccupied, but the Gypsies and Jews know what's about to happen.

Mirela has long dreamed of America. A fortune teller confirmed that her future husband waits there. She's eager to get out. Yoska, who I will now make her twin brother, wants to remain. He does not wish to leave the clan. And he is sickly. They argue.

One day, when she is out in the woods, the Nazis come and take her clan, including Yoska. She still might make it to her friend who can get her to American(maybe they have friends in the American lines, which are moving up Italy). But she refuses to leave Yoska. She allows herself to be captured by the Nazis in order to find and help her brother.

Deana, the Jewish girl, becomes her friend in camp. She's a fighter by nature, as we saw in the short. When push comes to shove, and she has the chance to fight back, she does what we see. In a feature this would be a little longer. There'd be an evil guard or two that she kills, something that gives the audience satisfaction.

Mirela has always been troubled by Gypsy ways. She thinks of the future, of being modern. She resents the magic and the superstition, even when she knows some of the magic. Now she uses it, but she respects the rule that it can not be used for violence, that this will only have a karma like echo of misfortune.

I don't know, something like that. I like the closing image because it represents to me how one could never escape the horror of those camps, even if they survived. In mouse form, her body about to go into the oven, her hours ticking away, she sees the Allies about to liberate the camp. She tastes freedom, but will never have it. However, at least her brother will survive to tell her tale.

Or I could have the mouse looking for her body!

Sooo... Who wrote what?

The Other Side Of The Fence.

These forums seem a bit dead so I will come out and officially say I wrote How to Make Me Disappear.

Hellfire.

I really appreciate the great comments, they're spot on. It was rushed, I only had two days to write it and it showed. I think it's great so many of you picked up on that and called me out on it!

Never would have guessed that was yours, just because it's so very different from The Last Stop. Not saying less quality, just very different in tone and style. Cool that you can switch gears.

Cherry Bomb.