Baby Steps by David M Troop (dtroop506) - Short, Comedy - You never forget the first time you fall in love - even if you're in diapers. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi david,

I remember reading this at MP, think i gave it a VG.

I note it has lengthened, the beauty of going past five pages. Now, the extra length has been a mixed bag for me. It is nice you have a bit more for the banter, humour etc but the adult discussion was a bit too on the nose for me.

If i recall you were more discreet first time, this time you go straight to them remembering each other. I would like it if that took longer to achieve.

Otherwise an enjoyable read. Are you filming this one? I recall something on those lines.

One final point. It is good to see your work here but it's possible that the regs around here may wish to see you a bit more often around here, reviewing others, before commenting. Just saying.

All the best

Hey David,

A word that crops up a lot is “cute” and I think it’s the perfect word on this occasion to describe your script here. It’s a simple love story, first love to be exact and I think you’ve achieved what you set out to do here.

Obviously it’s absurd to think that a person would remember anything about when they were 9 months old but who cares…this is a good, simple and yes “cute” tale.

I liked your writing on the whole, never had a problem and it was a quick read. A typo on page 7 “Defiantly” which should definitely but nothing major to hurt the read.

However, like Bill, I also thought the dialogue was a bit on the nose in the last three pages, and it was a bit corny to be honest.

Good luck with it if you’re going to get it filmed, I can see this transferring over to film easily enough.

Good work. :)

Steve

Cute.  This was a little like, "Look Who's Talking" so you don't get too many points for originality, but your writing was solid and it was an easy read.  

I didn't like the way the reunion played out.  I think they should have walked away together, or something other than just getting her number and letting his first love walk out of his life again.