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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  /  Imperator
Posted by: Don, March 30th, 2012, 4:36pm
Imperator by Alex Bokser - Sci Fi, Fantasy - When a well known movie depicting ancient Rome is sent back in time to ancient Rome itself, strange, significant, touching- and hilarious- things ensue. When this movie is accepted as a divine message from the Gods, history as we know it- is altered. 140 pages - doc, format 8)
Posted by: JonnyBoy, April 1st, 2012, 5:25pm; Reply: 1
Liked the title, was disappointed that it wasn't a straight balls-out historical epic, but decided to take a look anyway.

This isn't a screenplay. You need to learn the basics of format before you do anything else. Your story may be great, but there's no way people are going to trudge through this as it currently stands because it'd be a chore to read. I'm going to take a punt here and say you're probably just starting at this, probably mid-to-late-teens? I had no idea how to write a screenplay when I started at 19, just poured what was in my head out onto the page. But in the same way you need to learn to musical notation before you become a songwriter, you need to learn the basics of screenwriting. You've got the sluglines. But your first scene, which currently looks like this -  

INT. LAUNCH ROOM. NIGHT.
The year is 2030 (appears in the form of a caption). It is a windowless, lit room, at the center of which there is a large peculiar technological apparatus. The apparatus is encircled by thick glass on all sides. Next to one of the walls there is an elongated table panel with multiple buttons, some of which are lit or are blinking in different colors. A middle aged, drowsy looking lab technician is sitting next to the panel. He slowly round- checks the different display screens on top of the table, while humming a tune.


- which is 10 lines in your MS doc, should be more like this -

INT. LAUNCH ROOM - NIGHT

A windowless, lit room, at the center of which there is a large peculiar technological apparatus, encircled by thick glass on all sides. Next to one of the walls there is an elongated table panel with multiple buttons, some of which are lit or are blinking in different colors.

A middle aged, drowsy looking LAB TECHNICIAN is sitting next to the panel. He slowly round- checks the different display screens on top of the table, while humming a tune.

SUPER: 2030


I used three basic screenwriting rules there: keep action paragraphs four lines long max, CAPS your characters when you intro them, and use SUPER when you want something onscreen (or INSERT, or CARD, or TITLE, depending on what it is, when you use it and who you listen to). Hopefully you immediately see it's easier to read. You need to learn those basics before people will read what you write, or at least before they take it seriously.

I joined here as soon as I started writing and people gave me advice, encouragement and constructive criticism, which I took onboard and tried to use to get better. Here's the three things I'd advise you to do:

1) Buy a book (I bought Syd Field's Definitive Guide to Screenwriting, which I'd recommend, but there are plenty of great ones) and read it cover-to-cover.

2) Download a bunch of scripts to your favourite movies. Just Google their names and 'scripts' and see what you can find - this website has lots of great links, and there's also places like mypdfscripts.com. Read them, even if you just seek out the really cool scenes you remember. See how they were written (notice how completely different they are to what you have here).

3) Download a free screenwriting program called Celtx (just Google it). It's great, will have you writing proper format in no time, and also converts to PDF (which is somehow more...professional). I started out using Scripped, but I switched to Celtx pretty quickly and still use it. When you're sure you've got the format down, start writing this out in that. And see how great it will look!

This is a long post which you're probably not going to read since you appear to not even be a member. But if you do - keep going! Just learn how to write screenplays first.  
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