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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Scripts  /  Lynch. The Messenger
Posted by: Don, April 1st, 2012, 6:32pm
Lynch. The Messenger by Kyle Jones - Short, Comedy - A celebrity psychic who has conned millions is hit hard by karma when he finally starts seeing ghosts in his everyday life. 29 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: Forgive, April 6th, 2012, 4:39pm; Reply: 1
Hello Kyle - I didn't get very far with this.

There did seem to be some atmosphere that's you've captured, but I wasn't too sure about the formatting and the grammar - both of these had issues, and it kept drawing away from the script.

There's a of of direction here, numerous 'we's', and you seem to have a strange relationship with CAPS.

Some of the dialogue I really like - quick and short, didn't reveal everything, kept me interested.

If you could clean up areas of this, maybe it'd make for a good read?

Simon
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