One Good Reason by Tony Campbell - Series - One Good Reason is a television drama about a middle-aged gangster who upon his release from prison becomes Laird of a remote Scottish Island. 58 pages - pdf, format 8)

Your script isn't bad. You need to learn how to properly format slug lines.

YOUR SLUG:

INT. JAGUAR . DAY

PROPER SLUG:

INT. JAGUAR - DAY

You also need to learn how to use the CONTINUOUS and MOMENTS LATER FUNCTION.

EX.


"Don heads back to the Jaguar and climbs in."

INT. JAGUAR. DAY


It would correctly be:

"Don heads back to the Jaguar and climbs in."


INT. JAGUAR - CONTINUOUS


Also. Make sure you get a different program for screenwriting. Use Celtx. It's free and it can convert your scripts into PDF format.

Hi,

Thanks for taking the time to read my script and give feedback.  I really appreciate it.  I'll keep your comments in mind when I get around to re-writing it.

Tony

This is the second time I've had a brief read of this, and first time I didn't quite figure it (this is off one page), but the second time, a little something did click - it reminded me of A. Goldsman's Batman Forever.

You use an also semi-staccato style of writing, but somehow it's still a little over-written.

I think, now and again, and for effect, it's useful to break some of the rules, and here, I don't think you have - this initial scene was quite brutal, but I get the feeling that you've 'stood back' from it, in order to write and present it properly.

I'm suggesting that it'd come across better if you engaged more directly with the brutality of it - in effect, wrote it a little less well; forgo description and other accuracies, and 'punch' your way into the introduction.

Feels like it could be something good, so ...

From one noob to another,

Ditto on getting better scriptwriting software. I'm Mac and Final Draft is just good...very good.

Run your Spell Check.

John