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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Scripts  /  Missionaries
Posted by: Don, May 21st, 2012, 5:40pm
Missionaries by George Anderson - Short, Comedy, Drama - Saving souls has never been like this! As two young Mormon "missionaries" ride through the rural south converting the faithful, one struggles to stay true to the principles of his faith while the other lets his own personal ambitions stray from it. 28 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: Gage, May 21st, 2012, 9:13pm; Reply: 1
The family hiding from the mormons at the beginning had me laugh.

Page 3: "Looks like you have a good thing going, living in your van and all."  I'm rolling.

Excellently placed slugs, very clean so far.

"Want a hit?"  Excellent comedy so far.  Not often that I see a script that has me grinning.

Page 8: first type I've encountered.  "your friend", not "you're."  Still clean.

They drop down the hole?  A thirty foot fall onto water will kill you... a fifty foot fall on a rock will DECIMATE you.  Might wanna change the height?

Page 10: "releases the water form her hands".  Might wanna proofread.

Seems like Joseph and Case have worked together for awhile, judging by the opening credits.  Why are they just now finding out each other's pasts?

Entering Ida's house could be trimmed, just a bit.  It's relatively tight but takes up just a bit too much space.

Page 20: apostrophe in "gets".  Not sure why that is there.

I don't see why Joseph is okay with Case getting it on with the alternative girl.  Wouldn't that be a breaking point for such a straight-laced dude?

The ending was... dark, to say the least.

Overall, very nice.  I really, really enjoyed it.
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