*SPOILER FREE*

Anyone else given this one a view?

I went into the showing with some moderate-to-low expectations.  I love the idea of Abraham Lincoln killing vampires, simply because it's so outrageous.  But Tim Burton has dropped the ball recently and Seth Grahame-Smith wrote the script for "Dark Shadows" and that movie made me angry.

The movie's strength was no doubt in its cinematography and fight choreography.  Never before have I seen a man throw live horses as a means of self defense on screen (and I will likely never see it again).  The sheer "holy poop" factor of seeing Abe twirl around an axe, behead a vampire, or chop down a tree in one go is incredible, and all of this is captured beautifully.  That's something I've noticed about Burton movies (whether he's directing or producing): they always look good.

Acting wise, there's no real standouts.  No one gave a tremendous performance, but there wasn't a weak link.  I may be ignorant, but the only faces I recognized in the whole movie were Mary Elizabeth Winstead (who is as hot as usual) and Rufus Sewell (who is as awesome as usual).

The movie's faults... well, its script.  With a plot and title so ridiculous and funny, the movie takes quite a serious tone.  It's the same problem I had with "Cowboys and Aliens"; I went in expecting some over-the-top, trashy fun in the vein of "Shoot 'Em Up" and "Crank" and I left with some sort of violent, ludicrous melodrama.  Timur Bektashamadingo or whatever his name is certainly has a visual style and I was hoping he would bring the energy of "Wanted" with this film, but it seems he wanted all the style but none of the attitude.

Despite the jarring tonal shifts between conversations and fight sequences, it has a few faults.  No character other than Abe (and arguably, Henry) are explored in depth.  One character, Joshua Speed, we learn very little about, but he ends up being Abe's sidekick.  One could argue his lack of backstory is to support a minor twist he's involved with at the movie's last twenty minutes, but it's not that great of an excuse.

Overall, I'm not mad that I paid money to see it, but I'm not very happy with it, either.  A big portion of this movie could have been made better if the director had just lightened up and made the movie that should have been made: a friggin' movie about Abe Lincoln killing vampires, smooth-talkin' ladies, and gettin' real paid at the end of the day.

That's a movie I'd like to see.
Two stars out of four.

I actually learned alot seeing this picture.  Let me fill you in.

1)  I already knew that Hollywood execs were stupid, but throwing $70 Million into a movie like this reconfirms  what I know to be true.  Was there seriously anyone involved here who actually thought they could turn a profit?  Unreal.

2)  This Seth Grahame-Smith dude is 1 lucky motherfucker.  After writing 2 piece of shit scripts, made into piece of shit movies with $70 Million and $150 Million budgets, some lame brain asshole comes along and pays him to write Beetlejuice 2.  Is lucky really the word?  I don't know...maybe he's hung like a stallion and banging his way through Hollywood.

3)  Benjamin Walker really does resemble a young...and old Abe Lincoln.  He also really resembles a young and old Liam Neeson - at times, I was waiting for the credits to see if it was Liam's kid.

4)  Jimmi Simpson looks like the result of some crazy experiment in which Christian Slater was cloned with James Spader.  Seriously...are you kidding me?  Downright creeps.  Again, I was waiting to see if this was actually a younger Spader or Slater when the credits rolled.

5)  Mary Elizabeth Winstead is going to look great at each and every age.  She also has a little Zooey Deschanel look to her.

6)  Super strong, super quick, super vicious vampires who have the ability to live normal lives in sunlight, as well as turn completely invisible, sure are stupid motherfuckers and downright terrible fighters.

7)  Trains from the 19th Century are able to jump tracks when they travel across burning bridges, and when cars fall off said burning bridge, they have no affect on the front of the train.

8)  Abe Lincoln was Super Man when he was in his 50's.  Just amazing how he handled that train sequence and burning bridge.  As well as being Super Man, he was also a skilled circus acrobat and trained killer.  Very impressive, Abe...no wonder Mary Elizabeth Winstead fell for you when you were just a young Liam Neeson lookalike.

9)  But most of all, I learned that they just don't make movies like they used to.  Every movie tries to be something it's not, and because of that, just about every movie falls flat on its face.  This did not need to be a $70 Million Summer blockbuster wannabe.  This did not need to have a 25 minute finale on a train running over a huge burning bridge.  With a $70 Million budget, this should have sported much better FX work.  Hell, I've seen many movies with under a $10 Million budget that looked much, much better.  This should have been a $10-$15 Million "little" off center vampire flick, utilizing practical effects and stayed away from big unnecessary set pieces.

Bottom line - I actually was doing my best and succeeding to enjoy this until it got downright ridiculous about midway through.  The final 30 or 40 minutes were just terrible, starting about with the horses scene, which looked pathetic.  I felt like I was honestly watching a cartoon.

BIG DISAPPOINTMENT!!!!!

SPOILER

Was it just me or did the entire "silver" revelation seem like the biggest plot hole to recently grace the big screen? Okay, so you're an ex vampire hunter. But you're not going to "forget" that silver kills vampires 30 years later. If you're going to war with a white demon army, this would be the FIRST thing that you do.

Took a couple tries to get through this thing.
And what a mess it was.

What a major letdown they didn't integrate the political and the supernatural!

I wanted to see Abraham struggle with the two ways he can save the country.
Duck of out critical Congress meeting to deal with vamps in D.C. type stuff.
But no, it's busted up into chunky sections that feel like disparate films.

Everything in the film felt half baked and slapdash CG.
And not one lick of fun in the entire thing, bah!

E.D.

Not much to add to this one. I think it's been covered.

It was a big let-down overall. It should have been a fun ride but they took it far too seriously.

There were lots and lots of big sequences but they all lacked tension as well as looking visually awful. There was some really bad CGI when Abe was fighting some vampire in a crowd of stampeding horses.

Why was Abe so strong that he could cut through a tree with one swing - never understood that. Maybe he was on the spinach.

The dialogue was laughable at times ("I would fight not with an axe, but with words and ideals") and the fact that an ex-vampire hunter doesn't remember that silver kills vampires is a joke.

Ben Walker could make a good career out of playing a younger Liam Neeson in flashbacks. Maybe the next Taken could be a prequel instead. ;D

I caught about twenty minutes of Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies; it's amazing how much crap you'll subject to when you have Netflix.  Something tells me you guys watched the better movie.


Phil

This film was beyond terrible and I don't say that lightly. That chopping down the tree sequence, beyond cringe worthy . . .

Agree about the lead Benjamin Walker looking like Liam Neeson.

Quoted from Grandma Bear Bill Oberst jr is in both Blackout and Arterial Motives. ;D

Uh oh...

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

I hate to admit this after reading what EVERYONE thought about this :) but I liked it. Thought the whole axe thing was kinda cool. :) Call me a weirdo :)

I'm sorry Pia.  I'm really really sorry.


Phil

I wouldn't argue at all with any of the above criticisms; the one thing I did enjoy, though, was this film's constant quest for new visual territory. The horse stampede chase and the train finale may have been ludicrous, but there was a very distinct approach to both the physical and effects elements of these sequences that I really appreciated. I do think Bekmambetov is a director who's committed to trying out new things, even if most or all of them suck, and I appreciate that.

I'd put myself in the dissatisfied but at least not angry camp, along with Gagtashamadingo, or whatever the OP's name is.

Quoted from Heretic Gagtashamadingo, or whatever the OP's name is.

Gagtashamadingo... I like it.

I watched this again on Cinemax the other night.  My feelings are the same.

I actually really enjoyed the opening and was still OK up until the horse stampede scene.

I think this was just too ambitious in what it set out to do, most likely based on the fact that it's from a novel, which included too much "stuff" to transfer to film.

Also, Honest Abe was made out to be super human, and that just didn't need to be.

AFTER watching this movie of course for free because I would never pay for that sh'it,  I was encouraged to continue to write  my low level not original cliché scripts because some day they can be produced despite the fact they totally sucks a'ss. :-)

Basically I agree with Jeff. It got off to an ok start, then went downhill so fast it was breathtaking.

Here's one thing I learned: if you are going to create a movie that is so loaded with cheese, you need to fill it with humor. The action scenes in this film are entertaining enough, but there is virtually no humor, which might have allowed us to buy into the absolutely laughable plot.