Hey guys,

I was just after some advice on a scene I am about to write and thought I would run the structure past you guys first to see if what I am planning is the best way to go about it.

Firstly the scene involves a guy stalking one particular girl and I want to illustrate that she walks down the same street regularly at around the same time at night. He hides, unseen in the bushes across the road.

I was thinking that I start a scene of her walking along the path then 30 seconds later use a flashback, to show her walking at the same location, different clothes and day, with a flash of a shadow across the road then back to scene.
She then continues along the path and some 30 seconds later another flashback of her, different clothes and day walking the same location again, with a flash of a shadow across the road then back to scene.

I was hoping to repeat the above 3-4 times to give the feel that the shadow that appears in the bushes has been watching her every time and following her moves.

Do you guys feel this would be the best way to handle it, or alternatively please advise of any suggestions to make it work better.

Regards Alex

I'd fit some scenes between those stalking scenes, if I could.  If you can't do that, you could have a sort of montage, cutting quickly between all the different stalking incidents.

Thanks Gage,

This certainly would force a buildup to the main scene so the impact may be more dramatic as the audience would have seen him following her for a period of time and know something is about to happen.

Will have to consider what other ideas get posted and review all of them.

Thanks for your help.

Alex

I would suggest watching or reading the script for a film called Entrance which handled this sort of situation quite well, IMHO.  

Thanks Michael,

Had a search on SS for Entrance and it does not appear, so I assume it is to be found elsewhere.

Any idea where, or can you please supply a link ????

Alex

Can't help with the script.  Here's the IMDB page, however.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1918806/


But what they did was repeat the daily routine at first with no indication of stalking.  Then they subtly introduce the idea of stalking.  And that's all you really need to realize it's probably been happening for a while.  Then then escalated the stalking until the conclusion of the film.

Thanks Michael,

I searched      http://www.imsdb.com/search.php   and it does not appear.

Will keep searching to see if I can find it or alternatively watch the movie.

Thanks 4 your help.

Alex

alex....honey....sweetie.... READ SCRIPTS. hugs.

DAHLING; PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU. YOU ARE not the director; you are the writer; tell. your. story. so this
Firstly the scene involves a guy stalking .... the road.
and:

I was thinking that I start a scene of her walking along .... back to scene.
She then continues along the path and some 30 seconds later another flashback of her, different clothes and day walking the same location again, with a flash of a shadow across the road then back to scene.

No. suggest you use ONE line, gulp, as a novelist would; DIALOG/VO

"I know her routine. First street, make a left. Never looks both ways. Crosses on an angle. Same sh.... different day, but same sh...."
see?

Alex...listen. bro...

Fisrta of all, these are not flashbacks...they should be concurrent scenes...in the present.

Hopefully, you can split themn up, but even if you can't, why would you want to show them in flashback scenes?

You hear what I'm saying?

Quoted from nybabz alex....honey....sweetie.... READ SCRIPTS. hugs.

Thanks Babz you hot babe you,

Honoured that you joined my thread. (UK)
Honored that you joined my thread. (USA)
Hee Hee. Sorry. I am stuck between spelling in OZ and spelling in the USA.

Great idea and I feel it will work very well, the only problem I can see is if the VO is done in the stalkers voice as he watches her, his voice may get recognised by the audience as I need him to stay anonymous, so not sure how this could be handled.

Not sure if I could show the same repeated path with no VO, bit of "Groundhog Day"  type outcome, waking up the same day over and over again.

Thanks for the post.

Regards Alex

Thanks Rosco,

I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and I feel a number of repetitive scenes may be the way to go. It would be easier to write anyway, just cut and past an almost identical scene 3 times. Hee Hee

Babz"s idea is great though the VO may give away who the stalker is, so will have to think about that option and how it can work with a VO and maybe even combine the two.

Thanks M8

Who the fuck is Rosco?  WTF?

Dude...easy stuff here...

Relax and write...

Sorry DS I had you written down as Rosco for some reason !!!!!

No idea where that came from !!!!

Sorry

Quoted from Dreamscale Who the fuck is Rosco?  WTF?

Quoted from Alex_212 Sorry DS I had you written down as Rosco for some reason !!!!! No idea where that came from !!!!

Probably from here…

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1346640112/

Have to say that I found this exchange hilarious. :D Thanks for the laugh, Alex and Rosco. ;D

Jeff, you gotta give the guy props for paying attention on the boards to notice that you gave yourself the name Rosco at one point.

Uh oh!  Jeff's drinking on the boards again!  Insanity usually ensues.

Anyway, Alex, as for the stalking scenes...  I don't think you want too much, if any, repetetive scenes, unless you are doing something like the element in 'Groundhog Day'.

Do you really think you need 3 or 4 scenes to show that this guy's been stalking this girl for awhile?  Or is there a way you can write it so that you can just show it once and the audience can figure out he's been doing this for awhile?

Also, is this a short or a feature?  3 or 4 of the same exact scenes will get annoying in a feature, and I don't even want to think about it in a short.

- Mark

Ooops!  I remember now.  Sorry about that everyone.

Any scene you write, should be made out of choice, not by way of perceived necessity.

Perceived necessity:I must use multiple scenes to show this guy following the girl, or the reader/audience will not understand he has been stalking for some time.

VS

Choice: Or, I could use one scene to convey the same information- now what method fits that - and work from there.

For example, if we see a guy lurking in the bushes and check a diary, or phone, with a list of times and places, the last place on that list, where he just happens to be, then . . . cue girl, I think we'll figure out she's being stalked.

. . . that fear of being watched . . . it's the sole reason I don't take part in forum discussions :)

Thanks Mark and Eoin,

All the advice has been great and I have undecided between 2 alternatives.

Option 1.
The girl walks along the path with a shadow of a stalker watching her closely, every so far a quickflash appears showing her walking the same path on a different day, until the final part of this scene where she it taken.


Option 2.
Showing an initial scene where the girl walks along the path, including the intricacies of where she repeats the same action (mentioned by babz) cross at this location, stops and looks in the same shop window etc etc.
Then repeating the same scene further in the feature, though this time the girl gets taken at the end of the scene.

I am probably swaying more towards Option 2 ATM, what do you guys think.

Alex

Alex,

You need to make your decision on how your story is told - not on what everyone thinks of one scene.  

If your story is very linear then you probably don't want to go with option 1.  

Thanks Michael,

Yes you are right, It is linear so Option 2 may be the way.

Option 1 would probably cause a bit of audience confusion.

Alex