Ok, since im not a native english speaker every now and then i come across some problems, whether i don't know how to say something, or express my thoughts into the script as well as i'd like, specially when im describing actions.

I've often found myself using a lot of the same words to describe some actions, even though i keep checking thesaurus for synonyms. While looks can be easily replaced by stares, glares, eyes, watches, gazes, etc, i can't say the same for goes. I keep using heads to, moves to, goes to and i feel like im getting too repetitive. Another one i keep repeating a lot is stands.

So i was wondering what tricks you use to bypass these issues, in case you happen to come across them as often as i do. Do you try to find a synonym or change the action description altogether?

One last question, a guy in my script gets his torso cut from his body. Is there a word to describe this? As in beheading or decapitated is used for the head.

thanks.

Good question…

I’ve developed over the last couple of scripts, a way they keeps me looking backwards in a sense.

When I’m not in the mood to write, I will go back 10 pages and browse the last work I’ve written.

While doing that, I pay particular attention exactly what you’re asking about. Words repeated over and over can grind a reader to a halt.

Sometimes it takes restructuring the sentence in order to make the same thing sound different.

Example:
David walks over to Angie. She looks up from her book.

Changed to-

Looking up from her book, Angie notices David approaching.

It’s the same action line, turned around.

*******
I’ve found this to be more effective than just pulling out a word and plugging in another.

It also stretches your creative muscles and keeps the action lines fresher for the reader.

As far as your man chopped in half-

How about a CLEAVED TORSO?

Shawn…..><

That is a great question!

I am also not a native english speaker. I've been speaking english for 14 years and I still struggle with these things.

My main thing is to try not to get held up on these things until later drafts. First focus on the story and then on make it sound good. The real goal of writing is to use as few words as possible to convey a lot. It's really tough, especially for people like us. I'll be looking for advice from veterans as well, but my best advice would be to read a lot. You won't even realize how, but you'll start to get a better grasp of those richer words.

Hmmm...  How about "lopped in half" or "chopped in two"?

As to stands and heads to - you do run out of options after awhile.  Flipping the sentence - as mentioned - helps.  Wanders towards, eases towards, fidgets, runs, darts, dashes, walks, saunters, makes a beeline for...  :)  Sometimes,  not so easy to keep changing it up!

Further to the previous excellent suggestions....have a think about the emotion of the scene and the mood of the character doing the action...is it tense and action packed, slow and sophisticated? etc.

A guy in an action film may "race" or "charge" around. The sophisticated guy could "amble" up to something nonchalantly.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films A guy in an action film may "race" or "charge" around. The sophisticated guy could "amble" up to something nonchalantly.

I'll second that.

Try to think of the connotation of the words. It's all essentially about the mood you want to convey. That, for me, helps with thinking up synonyms.

If not, I usually wait for a reviewer to point out words I may have used too much. I'm not particularly good at spotting those errors myself :P

Dan

Trot, jog, skip, mozy and walk with a spring in his step all describe different ways of walking.  They express attitudes and styles in walking.  Just saying that a character walks is vague when you think about it.


Phil

Thanks for the replies. I think as i get more experienced this problem might not be as troublesome as it currently is. If i run out of synonyms i'll try to rewrite the action as you folks suggested.

Quoted from Felipe My main thing is to try not to get held up on these things until later drafts. First focus on the story and then on make it sound good.

Really good advice.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films Further to the previous excellent suggestions....have a think about the emotion of the scene and the mood of the character doing the action...is it tense and action packed, slow and sophisticated? etc. A guy in an action film may "race" or "charge" around. The sophisticated guy could "amble" up to something nonchalantly.

Well thought. Sometimes little details like these can really make a difference. From now on i'll have to start paying closer attention in how i describe my characters actions accordingly to their description.

Quoted from wonkavite Hmmm...  How about "lopped in half" or "chopped in two"?!

Quoted from Ledbetter As far as your man chopped in half- How about a CLEAVED TORSO? Shawn…..><

I liked those, thanks.

Think in terms of the character performing the action.  Let the verb you choose be indicative of that character's demeanor or behavior.  

A sexy woman doesn't just "go across the room," she "struts across the room" or "slinks across the room."  

An angry character doesn't just "walk out of the room," they "stomp out of the room" or "storm out of the room."

An energetic child doesn't just "play in the yard," it's going to "frolic in the yard" or "race around the yard."

A snakey bad guy doesn't just "sneak up from behind," he "slithers up from behind."

A horny bugger isn't going to just "stare at the sexy woman," he's going to "ogle the sexy woman" or "drool over the sexy woman."

Etc.

I don't know if this would interest you...

But there's vocabulary software out there as well for writers.

I've heard some good things about this program.
http://www.writersstore.com/masterwriter-for-creative-writers/

It may also help you learn the language. :)

Regards,
E.D.

Well...I have ran into this situation so many times.  I am not a native either.  Thesaurus is great.  I use it all the time, but one problem.  Sometimes, it will not give you the word you are looking for.  I mean it did, but you have already used it a few times.  I know exactly what you mean.  There are other words Thesaurus will give you, but their meanings are not the right choice so you have a problem now.

I will tell you a liitle secret.  It might help you.  Don't tell anyone ok?

I read alot now.  Comparing to before the screenwriting hobby..hehe.  Reading novels, non-fictions too, and of course scripts written by professionals.  If I ever come across a word which I know the meaning but don't usually use it often, I will take a note of how the author had beautifully put the sentence together with that magic word.  I call those magic words, because they can be simple but can polish the whole sentence and bring it to the next level.  Their talent inspires me sometimes man.  That's the only reason why I keep on reading, and of course if I like the story too.

I hope i helped, and don't worry that much because the studio will hire a professional writer to rewrite your script anyway.  That's what I've heard.  All you need to worry about is how marketable your script is.  The natural behavior of a typical producer is to make profit.  If they like the story, they will look at how it can make the company rich.  That includes getting sponsors from various restaurants like Burger king or McDonalds to stamp the characters on the cups and produce toys.  

Trying  out the free trial fro Master writers after watching the video. It looks like it would help my ever present "writers block"...

It's available for purchase for $189, I'll see how the trial goes :D

Mark

$189? You are rich!

Quoted from coldbug $189? You are rich!

Not really, I'll just jack my prices up to unsuspecting customers, especially to those who really are rich.:D


Mark