Dimension 0 by cesare (cece) - Horror - Dimension 0 is a story that takes place into an isolated house in the woods, where six people, due to a car accident, trying to survive by strange paranormal phenomena, which appear to be linked to something dark, happened in that house a century before. 103 pages - pdf, format 8)

Cesare,

First off, your logline raises some red flags, because, it's like a long sentence, with a lot of commas, plus, there's a grammar mistake. Should be "try" instead of "trying." Also should be "a" instead of "by."

Some issues right off the bat with your opening lines. If it's important that we know it's 1802, maybe have a title appear on the screen (written as SUPER: 1802.)

You repeat "clearing" in your second sentence, which is redundant since you already said clearing in your slug. It's best not to repeat whatever you say in your slug unless necessary.

Grammar issue with the line about the squirrel's body. Should be "lays" instead of "lying." "Lies" is for living things, and since it's a dead body it would be "lays."

The kid in your second scene isn't properly intro'd. Write the character's name in ALL CAPS the first time we see them on screen.

And what's with "INS."? Should be "INT." for interior.

I dunno if I'd call him "MAN DRESSED IN BLACK," as it's kind of a mouthful. What about MAN IN BLACK or DADDY? (You didn't intro him right, either.)

And get rid of "continua" and "segue" at the top and bottom of each page.

And might I suggest removing this opening altogether, and just beginning the script with the people in the car? If it's a paranormal story about a mysterious paranormal phenomena, make it more mysterious-- we don't know what happened in 1802 until later in the script. Just a thought.

"End flashback?" If it's the beginning of the movie, we haven't flashed back to anything. Just cut to the dirt road and have a title that says "present day."

Your slug for "dirt road" isn't good, either. Like "man dressed in black," "dirt road in the woods" is a mouthful and could just be "dirt road" or "rural road."

Saying the guy has a "red hat" is redundant, and so is "blonde hair." Unless details like this are important to the plot, leave them out.

You used a lot of parentheticals here. A lot of times they're redundant. ("intensely", "with a grimace".)

The story so far isn't anything we haven't seen before, sorry to say. Open with a kill, cut to some doomed characters driving to the same location, only to be killed off. Sorry, but this needs some work. I've found with slashers you kinda have to be really careful to avoid cliches, but it pays.

The biggest struggle is to make sure your readers don't guess where the story is going, especially in such a well-trodden genre as this. Tell stories people haven't seen before, or haven't seen in a while. Teens killed off in the woods... it's been done. Find a new take on it, work with your story and find ways to make it more unique.

Anyway, nice work completing a feature. Keep working on it, you'll get there.

Will

I haven't started reading the script yet but do you mean for the title to be DIMENSION OH OR DIMENSION ZERO?

I think this can be good. But their are so many grammar errors it really took me out of it. it flows nicely until one of them shows up and completly derails the momentum. I also think their could be some tweaks to the dialogue in some places to make it sound more "real", it sometimes feels stiff and forced. I think if you just look over it again and change some small things you've got something good.

THanks to everyone for the opinion, just say that errors are made because im italian nut im trying to correct it.