Monique by Jeannette - Short, Comedy -  Young woman in her 30's and her friends create a 'Victory Dance' for the re-election of President Obama. Everyone has their own style and "lies". 17 pages - rtf, format 8)

Jeanette,

Get some screenwriting software. Right now your formatting is all wrong. I suggest Celtx, which is free. It also makes PDFs, which is the accepted format around here. Most won't even open an rtf file.

You got the FADE IN right, but don't write "scene 1". And don't give us a synopsis of the scene. Just write FADE IN: and then your slugline, then the script starts.

Your slug, by the way, isn't right. Should be INT. LIVING ROOM (not "in the living room") - DAY (remember to specify the time in your slug.)

The way it's written right now, this would be impossible to film. You say "everybody" jumps for joy, but how do we know who "everybody" is?

Instead, write something like "MONIQUE (30s) jumps for joy." When we first see characters on the screen, write their name in ALL CAPS. You can even specify age.

This looks like a TV script, but the thing is...a sitcom would run at 20-50 pages. 17 is way too short, but until the formatting is fixed, it's hard to judge the real length of this.

Read some scripts to see how it's done, and contribute to the boards for reads in return.

I don't mean to sound harsh. Hope my notes help.

Will