Dragon's Mouth by Charles W Mitchell - Action, Adventure, Crime - On vacation in Hong Kong, a young Asian detective and her sister get more than they bargain when a hotel employee is murdered at their door. 105 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

This is based on my reading of the first 12 pages only:

Right from the beginning the biggest issue I had was how forced the dialogue felt between characters: They seemed to be saying exactly what needed to be said to move the story along and tell the audience what they need to know (exposition) but without revealing anything about their personalities. It made it difficult to read. There is no subtext and no feeling of what the character's motivations or desires are.

And if you can show the audience something, there is no need to tell them: I'm referring to the description of the dagger used to commit the initial murder. This could be written as a direction, there is no need for one of the characters to describe it in full detail, unless of course the person they are speaking to is blind, which is not the case here.

I will try and read more when I have the time.

On page 8 Shari says "Call the desk. Have them get the police. She's dead."
Why wouldn't they call the police themselves?
Also, the whole scene with Luk seems rushed and I don't understand why if he's that suspicious of Shari and Lilli he simply tells them to "keep yourselves available." Why doesn't he take them in for questioning or ask what he wants to know right then and there?

I also agree with the previous post regarding the dialogue about the blade. That should be something shown to the audience rather than spoken by a character.