Mirror Image by K.M.Hurst - Sci Fi, Horror - While waiting for the delayed last bus ride home at the bus station, Danielle Alba, is starting to discover that the remaining people in the station seems to know her for the actions that she has not yet committed. She is further amazed when she spots a young woman who looks exactly like her and begins to find out who she is? 11 pages - pdf, format 8)

Sounds interesting, but....can 't seem to open this file....??

it's a celtx file.  you need celtx.

K.M., you may want to resubmit this as a .pdf file.


Phil

Kevin,

Yeah, this needs to be pdf if you want reads.

The errors in the logline (punctuation errors, awkward sentences) was a big red flag for what's to come. That, and the fact that it's a celtx file.

I opened this up anyway, and sure enough, there are some problems. I'll leave more detailed notes if you show up. But in short, you've got a lot of issues, like improper character intros (write character names in ALL CAPS when they first appear). There's also a few uses "we see". "We meet Danielle" doesn't read well at all, IMO.

You've also got some unfilmables, like the fact that "she is highly educated in her work and has a  sound judgment amongst her". How the heck could you film that? All we'll see on screen is the girl standing there. So make sure you're only writing things we can see on screen, because otherwise that information will be totally lost in a filmed version.

Show, don't tell.

There's also passive verbiage. It doesn't read very well anytime, let alone in screenplays. Keep the verbs active... "She crosses the street", "she enters", not "crossing the street" and "entering" (not actual quotes, but you get the idea).

I don't mean to be harsh. I suggest you read some scripts-- pro and amateur-- to get an idea of how it's done. Hope this helps.

Will