Finding, Searching, Hoping by Craig Singleton - Drama, Crime - Private investigator Michael Bloomfeld gets deeper into a case than he imagined when a small boy goes missing. 100 pages - pdf, format 8)

There are a lot of formatting issues with this one.  

There might be a story here but my eyes start to hurt after one page.

Read some other scripts, get some free screenwriting software (Celtx, Trelby), and join in on the conversation.  

We'll be more than happy to guide you through your early years of screenwriting, but this place runs on a 'quid pro quo' system for the most part.

Jordan

Craig, as Jordan mentioned, this has a ton of issues that need correcting, and Jordan points out a free program like Trelby or Celtx will help with that.  Beyond that, you need to understand that you can't write out a screenplay and then not edit it afterwards before you show it to people.  Or show it to someone else who is good with grammar to read before you show it to others.

I read one page and here are a few corrections I noted right off the bat:

You're too wordy in your action sequences.  There is no need to describe everything to a minute detail.

In your first sequence you write:

A man named PETER is stood in the kitchen, he makes coffee. The kitchen is small, plainly decorated with dirty worktops.

Beside having some rough grammar in there, you can eliminate half the words here.  This might work better:

PETER (43) makes coffee in a small, plainly decorated kitchen.

Next, you write:

He pours the coffee from the pot into a cup. He puts the pot back down. He turns back towards the living room.

This is way too descriptive.  Keep it simple, simple, simple.  So, for example, the above description could be as follows:

He pours himself coffee, then heads into the living room.

Other issues:

Don't put a colon after a character's name when they are speaking.

Your page numbering is off.  Don't number the Title Page or the first page of your script and then the numbers go into the upper right corner, not at the bottom of the page.

Don't describe a character in the dialogue heading--use action sequences for that.

             BARTENDER (EARLY 20s):
(SMILING)That’s not what you do.

s/b
             BARTENDER
        (smiling)
That's not what you do.

The wrylie goes between the character name and the dialogue.

So that's enough comments for now.  Hope that helps.  Read a bunch of scripts online here, especially ones that are well-reviewed, and then go back and edit the hell out of this and repost.

Good luck,
Gary

Hey Craig,

I agree with everything Gary just said.

But also:

Try not 'to talk the plot' . Don't TELL but SHOW through ACTION.

Here my (sucky Dutch) attempt at a first page:

FADE IN:

INT. HOUSE – KITCHEN - EVENING

PETER(43), medium build with thick, dark facial hair, stands in a small kitchen. While he pours himself coffee --

               PETER
     Hey you sure you don’t want one?!

The reply comes from an other room --

               MAN (V.O.)
     No, I’m good.

With his cup of coffee Peter walks into the

LIVING ROOM

and sits down on a couch - opposite to Michel(30), who is a muscular buil and wears a black jacket and blue jeans.

               PETER
     So what is it you said you did for a living?

               MICHAEL:
     I find people.

               PETER
     What kind of people?

Michael pulls a HANDGUN with a silencer from his jacket
and SHOOTS Peter through the head.

Peters body goes limp; his cup falls OUT OF FRAME, followed by his BODY that HITS the floor HARD.

Michael stands up and walks over to the lifeless body.

COFFEE MIXES WITH BLOOD
as Michael puts the gun back into Peters jacket.

               MICHAEL
     Your kind of people!