Unreal...absolutely unreal.

I think we all heard how horrible this "movie" was but seeing it is a whole new experience.  You really get an inside look at what horrendous film making is all about.

On many levels, this could easily qualify as one of the worst movies of all time.  I'm being totally serious.  This absolutely sucks, has ZERO story, ZERO plot, and if you cut out all the extraneous CRAP, you'd be left with about 40 minutes of actual runtime (more on that later).

Let me be blunt.  John Gulager has to be 1 of the worst, least talented "talents" in Hollywood.  He's directed 4 films and all 4 are basically unwatchable.  Fuck you, Gulager!  You're an asshole!

The writers involved here, headed up by Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan, who were behind Gulager's other 3 pieces of shit, the Feast films, as well as some Saw flicks and the Collector/Collection films should be ashamed of themselves.  They really should.  Any young, horny teen could come up with this crap and chances are very good that whatever they came up with, it wouldn't be any worse.  I'll echo my sentiments given to Mr. Gulager. Fuck you Melton and Dunstan.  You're assholes!

I could go on an on about what's wrong here and why it's so wrong, but does it really matter at this point?  No...no, it doesn't.

I do want to say this, however.  This has a runtime of 83 minutes and that includes the end credit sequence which is about 18 minutes of blooper type stuff.  David Hasselhof is onscreen for at least 10 minutes, in which nothing is happening, other than attempted hamfisted humor, making the movie proper less than an hour long.  If this were even a tiny percentage of a serious effort, another 20 minutes could and would easily be sliced off, leaving us with 40 minutes of actual film.   Truly shocking that the Weinsteins would do this to us.

Bottom line - this really isn't even a movie.  It's a 40 minute parody aimed at 13-15 year old horny boys who don't have access to porn on their computers and think the violence on display here is cool.  It's not, kids.

What should have happened after this wrapped is as follows.

Harvey and Bob Weinstein corral Gulager, Melton, Dunstan, and the other 3 credited writers and lock them in a small, filthy room, much like the original room in Saw.  They throw in an old school paper grocery bag and over a loud speaker, inform them that they will not be freed until each has taken 2 massive shits into said bag.  The actual rolls of finished film are then added to the contents of the paper bag.  Together, all 6 of the asswipes take the bag to the middle of Hollywood and Vine, and proceed to light it on fire.  In unison, they are all tarred and feathered and forced to hold hands and dance around the burning bag, chanting, "We are all Assholes and we know it".

This movie could potentially suck the life right out of you.  Please be careful.

So thumbs up or no?

If you miss seeing David Hasselhof, you may enjoy his scenes.  For everyone else, 1 million thumbs down.  One of the worst pieces of excrement ever shat out before.

I only watched the original to see Kelly brook nude swimming :D

Mark

I agree.  This movie was awful.   Not even nudity or David Hasselhoff could save this train wreck.  

It's funny, for all the hype about all the nudity, IMO, there really wasn't all that much from anyone who counts.  The "stars" didn't show anything, only those cast just to be nude onscreen.

Agreed. I wasn't a huge fan of Piranha 3D but this is terrible. However, I will say that I enjoyed Hasselhoff (basically only compared to the rest of it) but he wasn't anything to write home about. That's just a way to find one thing to not complain about in this movie.

This is the 2nd one Jeff, the first is just as bad, but better nudity. :D

Mark

Mark, I saw the "first one", Piranha 3D, in the theater.  I wasn't happy with it at all. But, you know what?  I actually watched it a 2nd and 3rd time on a movie channel, and although it's definitely not good, for what it is, it ain't all that bad either.  The gore was good and excessive, the nudity was very excessive, and there were a few funny moments.

Ghost, yeah, The Hoff was the cream here and that's pretty sad to say.  If you think about it, he probably had near the most screen time as any actor.  Not the most, but right up there.  Many of his "scenes" were over the credits, and in terms of the "story" not a single second of his screen time mattered 1 little bit.

Wow.  83 minutes of your life you aint ever getting back, eh Dreamscale?

I'm glad I only suffered through the trailers but I gotta say, I'm almost tempted.

Yeah this sucked, but it did have one really funny line in it that had me rolling. It's where one of the girls says something like " A Piranha came out of my vagina and bit his penis off." She just says it so casually. Hahahaha.

~Zack~

Quoted from irish eyes I only watched the original to see Kelly brook nude swimming :D Mark

And that wasn't even the original  ;)
The original was the 1978 Roger Corman produced film that into'd the masses to future directors Joe Dante and John Sayles.


As for the filmmakers of the recent remake and the 3DD...
I liked Feast a little bit. But not a whole lot. Still, they made a nice little franchise out of the decayed bones of Project Greenlight (R.I.P.) so I can't fault the director and writers too much. The Piranha 3D had a good share of inside jokes and intentional laughs, gore, what not. I didn't love it. But there were some highlights in that, not Kelly Brook and not the spoofing of Girls Gone Wild and the penis gag. No, I'm talking Ving Rhames and 'Liz Shue getting into the camp spirit of the mess.

The follow up, 3DD doesn't try to be bad enough to be good. 3DD has no chills, spills or thrills.
No wonder why feet dragged at getting this out, and when it did, it was handed over to VOD without much fanfare.
What's more shocking is Jeff watched the entire 83 minutes. I barely got through half that before I switched DVD rentals.

Apparently this is the worst movie ever made: http://uk.movies.yahoo.com/-run-for-your-wife----is-this-the-worst-movie-ever-filmed--114048296.html

It was so bad that the Weinsteins shaved the theatrical down a handful of screens.
I think the director's Clu Gulager's (great cult schlock actor) kid?

There wasn't enough laughs or gore to keep all those bewbs afloat! ;D
Isn't there a scene in this one where Ving Rhames does a Planet Terror gag?

E.D.

Yes, Brett, Clu is his father.  And, yes, Ving says something like, "Bring me my legs."  His legs have shotguns attached to them and he shoots a few fish ion the pool.

HORRENDOUS!!!!!!

I still remember that being so terrible from the trailer.

"Bring me mah legs!" So bad. Lol.

I'm shocked that this was even reviewed! I guess it can be considered a warning to those peeps that had it on their "to watch list" so they can scrap it. ;D

I actually enjoyed Piranha 3D a few years back - let's call it a guilty pleasure...

But this one is just downright awful. I expected some fun upon hearing of the Hoff's involvement, not to mention Gary Busey. I have no idea why this script was given the go-ahead, surely they could see how bad it was and a 70 minute run-time is pathetic although it felt like a Godsend when it ended.

Just horrible.

Quoted from Eoin Apparently this is the worst movie ever made: http://uk.movies.yahoo.com/-run-for-your-wife----is-this-the-worst-movie-ever-filmed--114048296.html

I bet this and Storage 24 gave it a run for it's money. ;D