Obsession with an Older Woman

Posted by: Don, February 22nd, 2013, 6:08pm

Obsession with an Older Woman by Divij Kak - Thriller - This is the story of Jack Hinckley’s obsession with an older woman (Marian Thatcher). Jack is a seventeen year old high school graduate who gets hired by the Thatcher family but in the process falls madly in love with Marian Thatcher and due to circumstances tries to murder her. Will Jack be able to murder her and tear a family apart? 72 pages - pdf, format 8)

Posted by: crookedowl (Guest), February 22nd, 2013, 6:46pm; Reply: 1

Divij, get some screenwriting software. Right now, the formatting's all over the place.

The "synopsis" page is completely unnecessary. "ACT 1" is only for TV scripts, so you can get rid of that. No need for "Scene 1".

You've got a lot of unfilmables, a bad slug, and big chunks of dialogue. Sorry, but I'm not going to go past the first page.

I suggest reading about format online (lots of resources out there) and get your hands on some screenplays for a better grasp of how it's done. Sorry to be harsh...

Will

Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), February 22nd, 2013, 8:16pm; Reply: 2

And...sorry to say, but the logline is horrific. Maybe English isn't your first language, and if so, I understand.

Print Topic