Deadly Risk by Rubale Rabson - Action - A son risks to steal from an illegal company due to his desire of home well-being that his father fail to fulfill. 56 pages - pdf, format 8)

Rubale,

You need some screenwriting software, first of all. Celtx and Trelby are both free, plus they make PDFs (which is the only accepted format around here... and pretty much everywhere else.)

As it is, your formatting isn't bad, but your dialogue margins aren't right, and formatting software really makes life easier.

You've got a couple of awkwardly written sentences in your action lines. And it's a little passive here and there-- keep verbs active. "They are sitting" should be "they sit".

But aside from that, my main problem is that this just isn't really written like a screenplay. Like "Dreppa is admitted in the hospital" and "Cathy and Jerico are sitting beside him taking care of him". It's not particularly bad, it's just that it's written more like a novel or something than specific directions for a film. Which is what a screenplay is. You aren'ty just telling us what happens-- you're being specific and letting us know exactly what we're seeing. More or less.

It pays to be specific, because it's easier to film "they give her medicine" than something not specific like "they take care of her".

I'm not going to read very far until you show up, so I know you're here to see my notes. I hope what I have so far helps...

Will