Russian Roulette by Ashenafi Wolde - Action, Adventure - Chris is a Facial Plastic and Reconstructive surgeonin at St. Mary hospital Los Angeles. He meets Mila Simutenkov, an aspiring actress from Russia (Mila Kuins). Chris and Mila get married. One day, Chris wakes up and finds that Mila is gone. Then He sees Mila in the News: She is found dead. The police question Chris who has no clue who killed her. Later, Chris finds Mila in shower room. Mila tells him that she is a con artist and show him $600 millions worth of diamonds that she took it from Russian mafia, which is acquired from George Quain (GQ Diamonds) in Blackmail. Chris changes Mila's appearance for the time being (which he will restore it back later); performing an advance facial reconstructive surgery. Chris and Mila run to Europe as the bad guys look for them. Yet Will they outwit the bad guys? Second Draft: 85 page edited out from the first draft (211). 126 pages - pdf, format 8)

Ashefani, this is the fourth script you've posted here in two weeks... and the third one that's over 200 pages long.  You're going to have to make an appearance on these boards if you want anyone to look at them.


Phil

The logline is like a short. Seriously, 211 pages? It amazes me how many spec scripts exceed 120.

I opened this up and can see right out the gate why this is 211 pages, it's kinda a mess... I just skipped to the last page and even after "The End" is written, it still goes on... yikes... Honestly I wish I had the time to reads this, but it would be for all the wrong reasons.  There are a lot of redundant passages in the first page alone, and I'm sure it's like this through out - cut, cut, cut, and cut, the end, then cut again.

I wish you best with this, but it needs a lot of work.

Best,
Kev

I'm guessing this is the author: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/ashenafi1

There is a lot of things you can do to clean up this script, although I have not done a full read, I found a number of things in the first few pages.

You seem to overstate the obvious like when the waiter hands drinks to Kate and Chris.

"A waiter comes by with a tray of Champagnes. Kate stops him for drinks. The waiter forwards his tray, offering Chris Champagnes. Chris grabs a glass. So does Kate. The waiter walks away."

You can simply say "Kate and Chris stop a waiter for a glass of champagne"  I personally wouldn't even have a waiter present, he serves no porpous to the story and you can just have them drinking champagne already. You would already know its a posh party just from set design and the fact that they are famous. Audiences are not stupid, we can fill in gaps real easy. Stick to the story and clean up the long, unnecessary  discriptions.

Also, I would suggest reading professionl scripts, it will give you a good idea of what a properly written script looks like.

One last thing, reaseach, research, research. If they are plastic surgeons research plastic sergery, find out how procedures are done, do sergons really use glue? Do they use stem cells? I know that a new technology uses skin cells from a burn victim, they incubate them, let them multiply and then spray them onto the damaged areas, the skin grows back, scarring, bacterial infection and recovery are dramatically reduced.

I hope this helped and all the best in future endeavors.

This must be the longest logline I have ever read! I wonder how long the synopsis will be?!