The Current by Darren J Seeley - Horror - Communicating through electronic devices, a vengeful ghost will kill a group of teens if they don't bury a body that they found in the woods. 100 pages - pdf, format 8)

hey darren, i made it page 30; not bad, really, before i stopped. your beginning had me riveted, honestly, great, leading, curiosity building, action you've written there. however, beyond the first five to eight pages, the dialogue began to break down, the action settled way down, i understand that an exposition of the main players is in required, but there should be a lot more tension involved in the crux of the interaction on screen.

i then looked for the second to begin, and for there to be a noticeable shift in tone, action or just the story itself. i didn't notice it. not that's it's not present. it very well may be. but i missed it. also, your dialogue is, in places clipped, and not in a good way. however, by and large, your dialogue's decently done.

my overriding view on what i've read is that you're spoiling for a cabin in the woods, friday the 13th, horror flick, or something in that vein. i'd say that, unless you've created a few new twists and spins on the tried and true tropes of those genres, you're picking on fruit bare trees in an orchard of similarly bereft leftovers. but, i think you can write, for sure, so keep doing it. keep writing. and i bet this script catches someone important's eye, at that.

Quoted from courhaw my overriding view on what i've read is that you're spoiling for a cabin in the woods, friday the 13th, horror flick, or something in that vein. i'd say that, unless you've created a few new twists and spins on the tried and true tropes of those genres, you're picking on fruit bare trees in an orchard of similarly bereft leftovers. but, i think you can write, for sure, so keep doing it. keep writing. and i bet this script catches someone important's eye, at that.

Thanks Couhaw. I quoted this because it's right on the button. That's what was generally required of me. The slow down was somewhat intentional to give the characters a bit more personality and for setup. This is the first draft posted. I expect some things will change and be edited if it is a go. It's interesting that it seems you "gave up" because of the 'killer in the woods/cabin" horror sub-genre. I have come to the conclusion that while some new twists can be done - it is the execution of that script, as well as the execution of the filming should it take place, that is more important.

As it is, the sub-genre is something you have read/seen a dozen times. Chances are they will be done a dozen more.

But I took this as something of a writing challenge. It also gave me something to write other than rewriting other scripts of mine.

Putting up a little beat sheet for this. If it's a no, I want to shop it around indeed, my heart popped out my chest when i read...

Quoted Text We are looking for completed feature-length horror scripts. Stories may be paranormal, slasher/gore, found footage, and psychological. Submissions must be from a produced writer or contest winner. When pitching, please provide your IMDb link or a list of contest wins in the resume space. Budget will not exceed 2 million. WGA and Non-WGA writers may submit.

And this past weekend I got my first official IMDB linkage page. The folks behind producing that short are the same persons of interest who wanted to work with me again. The idea was to first to a low budget film noir based on another short of mine (Mystery Of Mister Y) but it got switched to low budget "Friday The 13th/ Scream" like horror....and that script (this one) was blank page first....there is possibilities of kickstarter (I have a few doubts) in the hopes of going gurellia near the end of summer (again, a few doubts on my end, but anything's possible)


Thanks for your comments.
More later, if need be.

@Don
That was fast! I didn't expect this on the boards for at least another week!
;D