I Am Stan by Eric Chapiel - Drama, Romance, Sci Fi - The actions of 2 brothers intertwine 3 tales, turning their lives of secret for the worst when they become sought after by a corrupt power-consumed leader and a man seeking vengeance for the murder of his parents. 158 pages - pdf, format 8)

Haha.  Alana seems like she's really easy.  There's probably no doubt that's how she conceived her son Clarence.  Anyway, got through 10 pages, and I'm stopping there.  I read the logline and became interested because of the sole fact that it kind of reminded me of Place Beyond the Pines.  The whole every little action will create consequences that will haunt you for the rest of your life type of thing.  

The sight of 158 pages didn't even daunt me.  I was genuinely interested in this and would have read the entire thing if it was remotely serious.  You have the genre down as "drama, romance, and sci fi" but what you should have done was list this as a Comedy or a Spoof, because that's the tone.  I laughed out loud several times.  It's amusing, but it's extremely, extremely over-written.  I don't know if you were trying a real effort with this one but it just comes across as something I've seen referred to on here a lot as a "pisser."

Oh boy...

Logline is awful and makes no sense as written.  You don't want to use actual numbers unless you're writing a year or the like.

The script itself sure does read like a pisser, but I have a feeling that's not the intent....who knows.

Your 2nd passage is a screamer, Eric.  Seriously, if this is meant to be a pisser, it's quite funny.  If it's meant to be serious, it's quite terrible.  14 lines, run-on sentences galore, hilarious detail, senseless details, semi colons, terrible use of punctuation, and of course, an exclusive Sears 1978 Star Wars Cantina Adventure set, including the 1978 Blue Snaggletooth.  WTF?

Your passages are completely incorrectly broken up.  You continually use odd fragments and your sentence structure is abysmal.

So, if you're taking the piss, well done. If this is supposed to be a serious attempt, you need all the help SS can provide.  Jump in and read other scripts - serious attempts, no pissers.  Don't read No Meat.  Don't read Wolves at the Door.  Ask questions and the SS community will respond and do our best to help.

Sorry for the harshness, but this is epically bad.

Quoted from Dreamscale ... this is epically bad.

But not bad enough to be good. I mean, there are so many blatant transgressions, such as all the music and unfilmables, it looks like a come-on for the script police but if this is just a psher the joke is on Eric because it looks every one of those 158 pages. Jury is out because I didn't finish, yet there is something here.

I laughed out loud after the 42-line speech about muscle cars followed by Alana: "You know alot about cars." (Eric, I can look past many errors but for the love of God "a lot" is two words.)

Quoted from NW3 I can look past many errors but for the love of God "a lot" is two words.)

Yes it is, but I always have and always will write it out as 1.  Maybe it's the rebel in me.

Of all the preposterous, crazy shit in here, there's "alot" more to worry about than how you spell "a lot".

;D ;D ;D ;D

Whenever I open up a scripts 'like this' -- and I have tried to read a few on here, I am usually entertained for a brief amount of time. The Star Wars references are excellent.  I really enjoyed the muscle car rant. I laughed out loud.

But guess what -- I had a feeling what was coming -- cos' in scripts like this it always comes.

Yup -- bingo -- it doesn't take long before we have a lone male ejaculation scene. I kid you not -- I was expecting a wanking scene (or something similar) and we get a wet dream before page 10.

And for what it's worth -- that's when I stopped reading, Dear writer.  I like a laugh, but not for 158 pages.  There could actually be something entertaining here, but it needs a lot more care and attention.

:)