Folks,

There were 26 submissions - 20 scripts posted and 4 "spoofs/pissers" and 2 rejects (due to formatting issues - not an indictment of the quality of the work).  I probably should have waited a few days before posting the spoofs.

Don



Finding Eden by Lee Cordner (leegion) - Short - When they awaken in the Rocky Mountains, Adam and Eve must find their way back to Eden and set right the mistake they made before humanity pays the price.  - pdf, format 8)

Bee Boy by Dena McKinnon (pale yellow) - Short, Horror - Sometimes karma stings like a bee. - pdf, format 8)

The Word by Chris Shalom (heretic) - Short - An unusual duo manage to get across the border...but they might not get away from this beautiful California beach.  - pdf, format 8)

Headhunter by Rene Claveau (renec) - Short - An archaeologist struggles to save her daughter from a terrifying stalker in the Pacific Northwest. - pdf, format 8)

Special by Bill Sarre (reef dreamer) - Short - When a depressed ex Marine is forced to take a special young boy on a mountain trek, he must deal with a life threatening challenge thrown up by the the kid's unique talent. - pdf, format 8)

The Light by Simon (SiColl007) - Short - A family struggles to cope with a child's discovery. - pdf, format 8)

The Garden by Philip Whitcroft (pwhitcroft) - Short - Adam is tempted into the woods by a sassy girl called Eve and must battle a Serpent's plot to claim the power of God. - pdf, format 8)

The Beast of Ape Canyon by Eric Wall (EWall433) - Short - On the last leg of their family vacation Robbie Turner drags his parents along on a search for Bigfoot, but nothing can prepare them for what they will find. - pdf, format 8)

Camp Hell by Dirk Visser (DV44) - Short - A young boy unleashes a recently discovered animal that puts everyone's life in danger including his own. - pdf, format 8)

Trickster in the Tide by Steve Miles - Short - A young girl holds the key to solving the disappearance of her friends, but can she unlock the secret in time?  Supernatural/thriller. 12 pages. - pdf, format 8)

Gazpacho Day by John Robbins (oJOHNNYoNUTSo) - Short - A divorced father attempts to discover what happened to his daughter while alone in the Alaskan wilderness. - pdf, format 8)

Terror in the Woods by Jordan Wiebe (theboywhocouldfly) - Short - Two boys discover something that will force them to fight for their lives. - pdf, format 8)

Unhooked by Marnie Mitchell-Lister - Short - A boy with a troubled family discovers something that could not only help them but the world.  Question is, will the government allow it? - pdf, format 8)

Something In The Water by L Chambers (lc) - Short - Three children discover there's something in the water that just isn't quite right. - pdf, format 8)

The Breath of The Past by Steve McDonell (stevie) - Short, Adventure - A young girl working on her father's archaeological dig in Washington state comes face to face with history itself   11 pages - pdf, format 8)

The Harem by Jordan Littleton - Short - A young boy finds a cave with unimaginable pleasure and pain. - pdf, format 8)

The Girl by James Stampp - Short - {no logline} - pdf, format 8)

Cape Disappointment by Dan Ball - Short, Fantasy - On vacation, a boy must choose between his family and ushering in a new era for humanity. - pdf, format 8)

Dreamscale by Mark Moore - Short - Four friends on a camping trip, get more than wanted from a young girl (not what your thinking peeps). - pdf, format 8)

The Revenge by James Fine - Short - After his father dies of obesity, a Native American child ventures across the Pacific Northwest to find the supposed cure. - pdf, format 8)

You Dun' Goofed by James Fine - Short - After his wife's disappearance, a rugged cowboy travels to Spokane with his son to find the phone that holds her coordinates. - pdf, format 8)

The Weakness Radiating from a Broken Soul by James Fine - Short - In the midst of a deadly war in the nearby future, a naive young boy struggles to understand his role in the mayhem. - pdf, format 8)

Unfortunately I didn't submit a script this time, but I'll do my best to read all the entries this week. Looks like we had a good turnout.

I thought we'd get more than 30, but I guess it makes it easier on me to read these. Good job, everybody! This was surprisingly challenging.

I expected over 30 as well.

I didn't submit one either.

I think I've read and commented on all the entries except the pissers/spoofs.  If I somehow missed yours, PM me and I'll get right to it.

Tahnks for playing along everyone!

Just finished reading all of the scripts. Great job by everyone who entered. A couple of the scripts stood out from the rest but I enjoyed reading all of them regardless of how indifferent they may have been.

A big thanks to Jeff for putting together a fun OWC for everyone but I'm still wiping away the tears after your review of my script! Haha

- Dirk

My top 3 fav's


Special
Beast of Ape canyon
Bee Boy

Really glad I didn't enter mine: It was called, "The Frankenstein Bunny".  (It would've bombed big time.)

Names have been revealed, everyone.  I was assuming we'd do some sort of voting, but a mistake was made before we got to that point.

Thank you to everyone who entered and a HUGE thanks to those who didn't but still read and provided feedback.

Great job everyone.  I hope most of you enjoyed this and found the challenge challenging, yet entertaining.

I for one am looking forward to hearing from all the actual writers here on their own threads, explaining what they were going for and what challenges they encountered along the way.

My personal favorites will surprise most -

In no particular order, the following 6 scripts were the best in meeting the parameters, being (fairly) well written, having memorable characters, and a memorable story...

Headhunter
Special
Beast of Ape Canyon
Unhooked
Breath of the Past
Something in the Water

Of these 6, my favorite was pretty easily...

...wait for it...



Unhooked - well done on incorporating the themes and challenges of this OWC.  Some great dialogue and attention to detail lifted this one up above all the others.

Thanks for playing, everyone!!!

Unlocked....not sure why it was locked in the first place...but open for business.

I knew that I knew the author of "The Word" -- but was thrown by their review of their own piece.

A nice bit of subterfuge, that, if not a bit disingenuous.

Darn! And, I was just about to 'out' Dena on the 'Who wrote what'. Had a feeling about that 'bee' pic... and from what I've read prev. some of her trademark horror images in the denouement!

And, I made Jeff's top 6! Cause for celebration.  ;D
Libby

Quoted from bert I knew that I knew the author of "The Word" -- but was thrown by their review of their own piece. A nice bit of subterfuge, that, if not a bit disingenuous.

Think you're so cool, with your five-syllable words. Yes I had a sinking feeling that you'd figured me out, somehow. I'm impressed -- I haven't had a script on here for years! I even wrote with your silly US spelling so as to not stand out.

For the last couple OWCs in which I've participated, I've tried to review my own as though I'd never read it before. With this one it was particularly tricky.

Chris, you sure fooled me, bro.  Didn't you PM me with some questions that ended up appearing in the script Headhunter?  You sly, Canadian dog...

;D ;D ;D ;D

:D:D:D

I apparently was on Dena's top 3 earlier and now I noticed it's changed :D:D:D:D

It's all good, after long work hours I had friday night left and a few beers and it still got pretty well received, if only for Jeff's love of trees (sorry bro) :D

For an OWC that was set up in short notice, I think you should be proud of your turnout Jeff regardless if scripts met all your parameters or not... you got a lot of peeps writing and that's really what it all about.

Good job bro

Now go read DREAMSCALE  :D

Mark

Yes, I forgot actually.  I'm on it.  I'll read it ASAP.  Making chicken enchiladas now, so I may just munch for a few hour and roll myself towards the bedroom.  We'll see.

Damn! I wanted to read them all before the names were revealed but oh well. A good little turn out for this OWC - props to Jeff for organizing it even I wasn't able to take part.

Surprises - Dena only wrote one.

Not surprising - Mo didn't! ;D

Quoted from CoopBazinga Damn! I wanted to read them all before the names were revealed but oh well. A good little turn out for this OWC - props to Jeff for organizing it even I wasn't able to take part. Surprises - Dena only wrote one. Not surprising - Mo didn't! ;D

:)

Quoted from CoopBazinga Damn! I wanted to read them all before the names were revealed but oh well. A good little turn out for this OWC - props to Jeff for organizing it even I wasn't able to take part. Surprises - Dena only wrote one. Not surprising - Mo didn't! ;D

Poor Mo, not many people liked either of them. ;D

Hey Mo,  just noticed you wrote two!

How do you do that in one week? Impressive. I had one idea and that's it.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Hey Mo,  just noticed you wrote two! How do you do that in one week? Impressive. I had one idea and that's it.

Not impressive at all. I actually quit writing A Better Place 4 pages in and Float 1 page in ;D. The next respective day, I'd miraculously sorted out the structure and wrote them. But if I've got a specific idea and I know how it will work, I find it easy to write. Although if I stumble at even one plot point, my whole mind doesn't work and I'm forced to ditch everything.

I tried to read them all but alas time is the fire in which we burn.

Of those I did read my favourite by far is The Beast of Ape Canyon and there was some great potential in Unhooked and The Breath of the Past but I did get something out of all the others I read.  

Congratulations to all who submitted an entry, I think this was a tough one to do and the results were pretty good in my opinion.

Quoted from MarkRenshaw I tried to read them all but alas time is the fire in which we burn.

Nice GENERATIONS quote!

Quoted from DanBall Nice GENERATIONS quote!

Thanks! It's one of my favourite quotes of all time.

Congrats to everyone who got a script in! Favorites in no particular order are…

Bee Boy
Unhooked
Special

Honorable mention goes to Something In The Water, which has grown on me the most sense my initial read.

No love for CAPE DISAPPOINTMENT? Well, there was enough 'self-love' there at the end to go around, so I guess it's understandable. :P

My picks are:

The Beast of Ape Canyon (vote went to this one)
The Breath of the Past
Special
& Unhooked (esp. for its writing)


And, thanks for the Honourable Mention, Eric.   ;D

I'm new here, but I have 2 cents.

I've read them all and was impressed by a few. My 3 favourite, in no particular order, are:

Headhunter
Breath of the Past
Bee Boy

I loved the splatter flick fun of HEADHUNTER. I loved the overall concept and size of BREATH. And BEE had the most unusual creature with some really creative scares.

My OWC was rejected due to formatting issues, but I'd be really curious to see responses from you guys. It's in the SHORTS section - called FADE AWAY.

Thanks in advance to anyone who can get past the formatting and give me a shot.

D A N

Hey Dan, good to hear from you!  Sorry your entry got rejected.  I think I gave it a quick look and your font was way off...correct?  Are you using any screenwriting software?  If not, Trelby and Celtx are free and you'd be doing yourself a big favor by getting one or both and seeing which you prefer.

Jump into the forum and review some scripts and you'll find a wealth of knowledge and good peeps, willing to help.

Hope to see you on the boards!

Quoted from Last Fountain I'm new here, but I have 2 cents. My OWC was rejected due to formatting issues, but I'd be really curious to see responses from you guys. It's in the SHORTS section - called FADE AWAY. Thanks in advance to anyone who can get past the formatting and give me a shot. D A N

Welcome aboard Dan!  I didn't notice that Fade Away was for the OWC, I'll check it out.

I know there is some free software out there, maybe some peeps on here can point you in the right direction.  Look forward to checking it out.

Johnny

How many scripts were entered where the writer hasn't even chimed in yet.  I know "The Girl" is one of them.  Seems some people have a hard time locating the main discussion thread.  Maybe that needs to be addressed.   Like a big green arrow that says "This way----->

In any event, I was looking forward to hearing from the writer of that script because it was so out of the norm.  Oh well.  Screw it.

Quoted from NickSedario How many scripts were entered where the writer hasn't even chimed in yet.  I know "The Girl" is one of them.  Seems some people have a hard time locating the main discussion thread.  Maybe that needs to be addressed.   Like a big green arrow that says "This way-----> In any event, I was looking forward to hearing from the writer of that script because it was so out of the norm.  Oh well.  Screw it.

Great point, Nick.  I was wondering the same, and usually, I know exactly who did provide rads and who didn't, but this time, I didn't pay close enough attention.

This is always an issue and probably always will be.

If you entered, the least you can and should do is read the entry of everyone who read and commented on yours.  It's only fair, IMO.

Quoted from NickSedario "The Girl" is one of them...I was looking forward to hearing from the writer of that...

James Stampp goes by "J.S."  He's around.

Thanks for encouragement guys. I sorted the software issue now.

I discovered this site and the OWC just when the challenge started. I thought about it and wrote it here and there at work on my small tablet. Yeah, won't do that again. So some format problems arose. My own fault.

Johnny --- I liked your OWC concept for sure. I really liked the lil girl. The mine. And the overall mystery. I think the wonder and characters are the best points of your short.

I have a series coming soon, maybe this weekend. Properly formatted ;) 4 episodes in, so far.

Thanks again guys,
D A N

Quoted from bert James Stampp goes by "J.S."  He's around.

Then, where the fuck is he?

JS, c'mon, man.  If something's wrong, then I understand, but otherwise, you need to show up and man up bro.

Quoted from bert James Stampp goes by "J.S." He's around.

I see.

If my memory serves me correct he's the guy with the Humphrey Bogart avatar?   Must've cut and run after reading all the scathing critiques of that script.  Such a shame.  I liked it.

Quoted from NickSedario If my memory serves me correct he's the guy with the Humphrey Bogart avatar?   Must've cut and run after reading all the scathing critiques of that script.  Such a shame.  I liked it.

Well, we all get 'scathing' stuff it's part of the OWC really - the anon. thing generally means critiques can be uncensored to a degree.  

And there were plenty of complimentary notes given on his and people appreciating his 'out of the mould' writing. I second the 'Come back J.S!'  ;)

Better yet, if ya can't stand the heat then stay out of the kitchen.

The "scathing stuff" is def part of OWC's although this one was pretty tame...can't put my finger on why... ;D  

But I have to say, IMO the WORST thing you can say to someone in a review is that you thought their SP was a Pisstake/Pisser.  Seriously.  Is there any worse thing to say than you thought their work was a joke?  It burns me every time and for whatever reason, I always get one of those comments.  Anything else I let roll off my back but that to me is the ultimate insult. It sticks with me for weeks.  Like echoes in my head.  LOL.  I know...crazy.   ;D

Quoted from mmmarnie The "scathing stuff" is def part of OWC's although this one was pretty tame...can't put my finger on why... ;D   But I have to say, IMO the WORST thing you can say to someone in a review is that you thought their SP was a Pisstake/Pisser.  Seriously.  Is there any worse thing to say than you thought their work was a joke?  It burns me every time and for whatever reason, I always get one of those comments.  Anything else I let roll off my back but that to me is the ultimate insult. It sticks with me for weeks.  Like echoes in my head.  LOL.  I know...crazy.   ;D

At least you know your work's provocative, then! That's what I took from it, at least.

Guys and gals...c'mon now.  Peeps give their honest opinions, especially when the entries are anonymous.

If someone thinks something is a pisser, not great, or downright bad, IMO, it should help the writer.  It's never meant to hurt, at least when I say something, and I honestly mean that.

If I offended anyone recently on this OWC, I sincerely apologize.

We all have different tastes and likes...and dislikes.  That should be clear and understood up front.

And, let's all be clear, nothing will ever work for everyone.  Just check Rotten Tomatoes for either a "great" movie or a "terrible" movie - each will get both positive and negative reviews.  No way around that...EVER!!!

I know when I said "The Girl" was a pisser, it was because I added everything up and that's what I sorta thought. It wasn't an emotional response because I was upset I'd wasted my time with it. I had a few clues that there was another pisser other than mine in the bunch, according to Jeff, and I'd read that someone might've done that on purpose, too. I certainly didn't say it lightly by any means.

It's not a big deal....writers get used to it. In this OWC and the last OWC there were people who actually thought my script was a pisser. *blush* It can be a kick in the gut...but what do ya do? More sits ups so the next kick doesn't knock the wind out'a ya. ;)

It doesn't matter what we write...there are always going to be some who hate it..and some who love it. Just learn to take the good with the bad and hope that there's more of the good than the bad :) that's what I do. :)

Quoted from Dreamscale If I offended anyone recently on this OWC, I sincerely apologize.

Yes, Jeff, you offended me when you referred to the dialogue I had written as, "EXCELLENT".  My dialogue is nothing short of, GENIUS, as though written by a Sorkin/Tarantino love child.  I scoff at your "EXCELLENT".

Seriously though, thank you, everyone, for your reviews.

You all seemed to have the same feeling that the script fell apart after Tyler entered the cave.  My script fell victim to the age old problem of writing a good beginning and rushing through the end.  I wrote the second half of the script within two hours right before the deadline, and it shows.

I wanted to give Tyler more of an arc with the men picking on him because he's weak, and then he has more of an internal struggle on whether to save the men in the end, but alas, I ran out of time.

I appreciate all of your reviews and I'll be sure to return the favor.  Thank you.

Jordan

Quoted from Marnieml But I have to say, IMO the WORST thing you can say to someone in a review is that you thought their SP was a Pisstake/Pisser.  Seriously.  Is there any worse thing to say than you thought their work was a joke?  It burns me every time and for whatever reason, I always get one of those comments.  Anything else I let roll off my back but that to me is the ultimate insult. It sticks with me for weeks.  Like echoes in my head.  LOL.  I know...crazy.

I agree totally, I wrote a very serious script "Dreamscale Spoof" and the peeps just laughed at it, it really hurt my feelings :D:D:D

Mark

I didn't mean to come across as a baby.  I was just suggesting maybe that's why J.S. hadn't popped in.  It does feel like a punch in the gut...like Dena said.  Or maybe more like being stung by a million bees!!!  

Yeah Marnie!!! Haha :) stings like a bee...or a zillion! ACK :) Run!!!!!!

Quoted from Dreamscale If I offended anyone recently on this OWC, I sincerely apologize.

Apology accepted. At least you read it. Dena wimped after what, three pages. Nothing more insulting than that. :)

Sorry. I go back and read it again. Notes in a few.

Don't take me seriously  ;D -- it's not all that - yours was was a better read - had in my top three when I voted :)

Silly Simon...I just want to do better.

I'm sorry again...I'm a slow reader, and I was trying to get through all of them rather quickly. I beg of you, forgive me, Sir?

I reread and posted a review for you ;)

Did I miss which one was the selectee?  I'm pretty sure I know which one it is but didn't see it posted.  

I haven't heard anything from Don.  I assume that means we don't have a "winner" yet, but remember, everyone who entered is a winner!!!!

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

You're such a company man Jeff.  :)

Quoted from mmmarnie You're such a company man Jeff.  :)

I was hoping someone wold pick up on that oh so cliched line!

We're all winners...every single one of us.  All for one and one for all!!!!

Someone really wants to keep his "Board Moderator" status.  :D  

Quoted from mmmarnie Someone really wants to keep his "Board Moderator" status.  :D

Or else, "someone" is just a changed, new and improved person.  Right...

No worries, I'll be back I promise :)

Unfortunately, I'm out of the country for a couple more weeks and won't be able to respond to the comments left on "The Girl" but I have been thinking about my responses.

Thanks to those who read the script and enjoyed it, to those who gave back helpful feedback, and to those that attempted to read it.

Work has kept me extra busy so once I return from my trip I will comment on all of the scripts I was unable to, and respond to the comments of my script.

-J.S.

Quoted from Dreamscale I haven't heard anything from Don.  I assume that means we don't have a "winner" yet, but remember, everyone who entered is a winner!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

#winning

Quoted from JC Cleveland Or else, "someone" is just a changed, new and improved person.  Right...

Quoted from Billy Connolly... Scottish comedian When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

;D;D;D

Mark

Is a winner going to be named for this owc?

Jeff has declared us all weiners.

Quoted from Dreamscale We're all winners...every single one of us.  All for one and one for all!!!!

He's just that kind of guy.  That's why he's a Board Moderator Ryan.

Quoted from Ryan1 Is a winner going to be named for this owc?

Ryan, as you are aware, there aren't winners and losers when an OWC is involved.  All who took place and even all who had the pleasure of reading are winners.

I thought Don took a vote from the writers, but I haven't heard anything back from him in some time.

Maybe we'll hear something this weekend.

I saw earlier where the winners were picked by Jeff...so considered it a done deal. ;)

Quoted from Pale Yellow I saw earlier where the winners were picked by Jeff...so considered it a done deal. ;)

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Funny, Dena.

My pick for the winner is everyone who submitted a script!!!!!!

The only loser was myself, as I didn't submit a script.

Have a great weekend, everyone!!

Jeffie...you ain't a loser!

And then I guess we are all winners! Shazam!

We are all winners, our prize bring the lessons we've learned.  Like:

1) Try to stay away from "it was all a wet dream" endings.  

2) If you abandon your handicapped kid in the woods and he turns into a bee boy, probably best to just leave him there.

3) If your character channels Hitler, make sure we know it. Like maybe have them sprout a mini moustache or something.

4) If your characters are a bunch of salty fisherman, be careful not to make them so cliché. Instead of dirty toasts, have them recite Shakespeare or something.

5) And last but not least, for God's sake, don't ever ask a one-eyed Indian if you can use his bathroom.  Use a tree or better yet, use the bathroom in your damned Winnebago!

Ill throw in one more, don't underestimate Jeff.  He ran a great OWC.   ;D

Hey, whats wrong with wet dreams...err...what i was meant to say was...err...oh sod it, lets hope for a good one in tonight's sleep :-)

Is Don going to reveal the results? Seems a while since the vote.

My guess its between

Unhooked
beast of Ape Canyon
bee boy
Trickster in the tide

Yeah - the natives are getting restless  ;D

Reveal is in.

Thanks to all who entered and read.  Great job, everyone!