Hell (Dekko) by Marcelo - Sci Fi, Fantasy - They are lost at a place no human should ever be. He is lost, with no remembrances of whom he is. They have to survive even though it looks impossible. 86 pages - rtf, format 8)

Hey Marcelo, I suggest you get some screenwriting software. Your formatting isn't that bad, but typing a script in Word is a nightmare and most people won't even open a file that isn't PDF.

I skimmed through the first couple pages. First off, you can lose the camera directions. They distract from the story, and unless you're planning on directing this one yourself, a director will shoot it however they want.

I'm at the opening paragraph and I'm already confused. What does "the group in general" mean? A group of what? Close up on each one? Each what?

Oh, I see. A group of humans. Look, when you introduce characters, write their names in ALL CAPS the first time they appear on screen. I had no idea what "the group" was until you started listing names.

Not a big fan of how you chose to intro all your characters... giving us their names in a long list can make it tough to keep the names straight. It's much easier to remember if you intro a few characters at a time and give us a chance to keep up.

Keep your writing visual... avoid things that can't be shown on screen. If you say a guy has three kids... well, there's no way to film that, so you could remove that line altogether. Film is visual. If you need to get information across, show it to us in images rather than tell us about it in an action paragraph.

All right, I'm gonna keep this brief until I know you're around. Read some scripts around here and provide feedback for reads in return.

Hope this helps.

Will