Scream 5 by Gary Warren - Horror - Set one year after the events of Scream 4, Kirby Reed is resitting her graduating year of Woodsboro High School when Ghostface returns to carve up a new cast of potential victims. 181 pages - doc, format 8)

Gary, if you're around, you should work on the page length here. 181 pages is way too long, and you won't get any reads (that, and the fact that the file isn't a PDF-- the accepted file format around here. Most people won't even open a doc file).

Screenwriting software will solve the file format problem. Celtx and Trelby are free, and make writing way easier since you don't have to manually format dialogue and whatnot.

I'd shoot for around 100-110 pages. A couple pages below or above that is fine, but 180 pages isn't gonna cut it.

Your formatting is mostly okay, meaning there's more to fixing the page count than just correcting the margins. Sometimes writers submit 200 page screenplays that are really 120 because the formatting is off. But not here.

I suggest going through and first removing any redundant action lines, useless dialogue, etc. Then go through and take out entire scenes if you have to. Just make sure nothing here is wasting space.

Then you should tighten the plot, shorten scenes, and remove/combine whole characters if they don't serve the plot. If you rework some of this, not only will you end up with a more desirable page count, but you'll also have a much tighter screenplay.

I skimmed through the first few pages and you have some writing issues, but I won't go into too much detail until I know you're around.

No FADE IN, "we see" on the first line (avoid things like "we see" if possible). You have some asides in action lines ("Who would be calling at this hour?") that, while they sometimes have their uses, take up space and could be cut.

And you don't have to capitalize character names every time you mention them. Write names in ALL CAPS to intro characters, but after that, just write their names normal.

Hope you're around the boards. 181 pages is pretty impressive, so now just tighten it.

Will

181 pages  :o

BLB

Crookedowl, thanks so much for your input. I really appreciate it.
This is the first script I have ever submitted online so any feedback is good feedback. I don't claim to be a professional at all so your tips are great.

You mentioned some issues with writing? I'd like to hear more so I could improve on the script if you've got the time.

Also, sorry about the length of it! I'm a 'Scream' fanboy - this script was just a bit of fun. It's interesting to see what people think though.

I've written two Scream fan-fictions before, so will get to this too.  Glad to see Kirbs back.

However.  180+ pages.  Nope.  Need to get it down to 110/120 or less.

And it's a doc. file.  Most people on the site won't open them but since I'm also a Scream fanboy I shall get to it soon, can't promise I'll finish, maybe the opening first.

However, in the meantime look into reading other peoples script and getting a free screenwriting software for yourself to download so you can convert files to PDF's easily.

I don't think this will get lots of attention though as people don't really get serious about fan-fics.

Curt

Thanks Curt!

Kinda figured about the fan-fic issue.

I have a PDF file converter already - genuinely didn't think it being in .doc format would be an issue, but I'm new to this haha.

Gary:

You say this is the first script you have ever submitted online.

But is it the first script you have ever written?

While it's fun to write fan-fics -- if nothing more than to just improve upon your writing -- I recommend that you take a stab at something original (no pun intended :P).

Unless you're just in it for fun and not trying to sell something... then write all the fan-fics you want.

Ambitioniskey is probably right, though, you won't get much attention with a  Scream fan-fic.  Number one, not many people are interested in the same old slasher story.  Two, it's a fan-fic.  Three, it's 180 pages.

As for those 180 pages... I have read two Halloween fan-fics within that page range that were absolutely amazing.  It was like Halloween meets Michael Mann.  It was great.  I'm not recommending you write that much, but I'm just saying in some cases I have come across some really good (and really long) fan-fics.

For something like Scream?  90-100 pages is fine.

So if you want to hone your skills, mess around with this.

And then try something original.

Good luck.

:) 8)

Hey Gary, welcome to the boards. Here's a tip I'm sure you'll hear again: read and give feedback around here and you'll get more reads in return. Quid pro quo.

As for the writing issues, I went over most of them briefly, but I'll go into some more detail. Overall the writing isn't bad. Grammar's fine, sentences are good. When I said "writing issues", I was mostly referring to stylistic choices that are usually best left out of screenplays.

I already mentioned "we see". Some people use it occasionally, and it can have its uses, apparently. But, most of the time writers use it it's totally redundant.

Of course we see so-and-so run by. Or we see so-and-so being stabbed. If you describe something in an action line, obviously we'll see it happen on screen. Most of the time, "we see" is already implied.

I'd leave out camera directions unless they're absolutely necessary. Especially if you aren't directing this yourself. It distracts from the story, and a director will ignore them anyway.

But I'd say your biggest issue is the asides, which like I said, take up space and don't really add much to the scene. Take a line from the very first page. "Looks like a virgin. Probably not". There's no way to portray that on film. Same goes for "She doesn't recognize him". "Who'd be calling at this hour?"

And on the next page, "Mandy is growing increasingly more impatient". This isn't completely unfilmable, but there's a more visual way to write this, i.e., "she sighs". Same thing for "She's getting a little spooked". Things like this can be interpreted on screen, but it's better to be visual so we know exactly what the character does to looked "spooked".

So my advice, try to keep action lines as visual as possible. Never tell us something if you can show us instead.

Hope this helps. I'm looking forward to seeing what you'll do with the next draft, if you revise it.

Reaper:

No, this isn't the first script I've ever written. It's the first 'feature' I've actually completed, mind you.

I do have a few shorts that I have (albeit I would prefer to polish them up a bit before posting on here), and I'm currently in the process of writing an original feature.

I'm just appreciating all of the feedback and tips I'm receiving and applying those to my latest script.

crookedowl:

Thanks again for your input. I'll take these in to account.

At some point I will definitely revise this script, but as it's a fan-fic it was only meant to be a bit of fun. I'll apply your advice to my own original piece of work.