Red Bananas by Martel Collins - Short, Comedy - Two salesmen get in a lot of trouble trying to sale these red bananas that have a very funny effect on people. 27 pages - pdf, format 8)

Oh Martel...

Damn, I'm almost speechless.  If this is a serious attempt at writing a script, I'm sorry to say you failed miserably.  Just about everythign imaginable is wrong here.

Having a typo in your logline is a bad start, but what follows in the script proper is pretty shocking.

I'm actually wondering if English is your first language?  The dialogue just reads so poorly.

Way too many issues for me to even comment on.  You need to do some research on how to write a script.  You ned to read scripts in here and provide some feedback so peeps will get to know you.  At that point, ask all the questions you can and hopefully, peeps will jump in and try to help.

Sorry for being harsh, but this is a true mess.

Hi Martel,

I made it to page 8 - it seems to be all dialogue and the language is pidgin English.
I think you tried to make this a high energy, zany type comedy but I'm afraid it doesn't work.

I won't comment on the formatting, spelling and grammar because it is all stated above.

There is a section on this site for posting scripts that aren't quite ready, you should learn proper formatting, map out the story structure clearly, write up a small portion of it then post it there for feedback.

good luck

James

How you doing Martel

Im not going to comment on the formatting, etc... because it been said

the dialogue threw me off a bit...

i tried to get into the story but sorry just wasnt really into it. (me personally)

cant wait to see the rewrite

and good luck in the future

--Ugo