Summer '99 by Henry Aulert - Comedy - A coming of age tale centered around 5 childhood friends who can see how much they've grown apart and desperatly try to make their last week together unforgettable. 138 pages - pdf, format 8)

Henry,

I tried to make it to page 10 but there were too many problems and not enough story to keep me reading.  You do write dialogue better than most beginning writers, so I'd focus on that.

A few notes:

• You need to capitalize proper nouns.
  
• You don't introduce Joe before he speaks.
  
• Tony's father should have a name.
  
• "Your" is a form of the possessive case of "you".  "You're" is a contraction for, "you are".  "UR" is for kids who are too dependant on technology to think for themselves...at all...ever...and they should be shot and their bodies turned into Soylent Green.
  
• Use an active voice as opposed to a passive voice.
  
• Some of your dialogue is on the nose.
  

Jordan