Bloody Bay by Simon Bonner (BonnerFide) - Horror - Get married... Go on honeymoon... Survive the end of the world?  A young professional couple, recently married, takes their honeymoon on the idyllic islands of Trinidad & Tobago.  Little do they know they'll have to fight for their lives against a creature that has survived unknown to science.  As they record events for posterity on their camcorder, this tropical paradise turns tropical apocalypse and only an old man and his trusty machete can save them. 64 pages - pdf, format 8)

64 pages is barely a feature. There have been debates about it in the past, but regardless of whether or not it's "technically a feature", it's not a good length. Too long for a short film, too short to really develop characters for a feature film.

Formatting isn't great off the bat. No sure what the "n/a" is for in the first line. And the title cards shouldn't be formatted like dialogue.

Also, you should specify whether or not we're seeing through the man's camera or not. I think we are, but you should be specific. At first it seems like we're supposed to be watching a man hold a camera, rather than seeing through the camera.

"Obsessed much..." and "that's why you married me" need question marks.

Not entirely sure why you didn't give us the man's name to start with if you're just going to tell us his name on the next page. It's not like you were hiding his identity or anything. So just intro him as "TOBY". Same for the woman.

But again, my best advice is to get this to a more usable length. And clean up some of the formatting. Hope this helps...

Will

Quoted from crookedowl 64 pages is barely a feature. There have been debates about it in the past, but regardless of whether or not it's "technically a feature", it's not a good length. Too long for a short film, too short to really develop characters for a feature film.

Isn't Winter's Bone like 72 pages?  I was looking at the script earlier.

And then over at IMDB the running time is listed as 100 minutes.

What's the deal with that?

I also have a feature myself that isn't too lengthy but the way I want to film it, the running time will be longer than the page count.

It varies, I guess. But more often than not, 1 page = 1 minute. Some stuff runs longer, but it's not too common. That's why I assumed this needed a little more "meat"... but I guess there's no way to be sure unless you've read the whole script.

That was just a suggestion, Simon, and if you're sure your script works as is, then don't worry about changing it. A short feature can definitely work, but you'll have a harder time getting it made than you would if the page count was 75+.

Machete script was like 72 pages, but the film is 1hr and 45 mins. Action plays out longer than dialogue. I just watched, 11:14 and the film itself, minus the credits is barely 80 minutes...

I agree that 64 seems a bit short though.  :)

I really wouldn't quote Pro ascripts' length when comparing to an obvious amateur script.

64 pages is WAY too short any way you look at it.  Always shoot for at least 85 pages, 95, preferably, as most amateur scripts have much to cut out, in both writing and plot/story/dialogue.

More is better, IMO, as it's easier to cut out than to add.

A further note, I've only read the first 10 Simon, but your characters definitely talk as though they are American,  when they are clearly from my beloved England.

Stuff like 'come help me pack', whereas we would say 'come AND help me pack'.

Also 'Obsessed much. - Though later dialects and coloquialisms seem to fit. Are Toby and Leah Americans who live in England? If so this is not made clear to us.

Also Leah doesn't get introduced, she's just WOMAN. Then later we see Toby is sat in the back of the car with Leah. So I'm only assuming here that Leah is the chick Toby was getting groiny with earlier? I feel it's a little confusing.

So far so interesting though mate. Look forward to reading the rest.

Before I even read the script there are problems right off the bat. Your logline is clunky and overlong. Tighter writing is needed here above all else. Shorten that to 25-35 words.

And the page length. 64 is not good. Has to be between 90 - 120 pages ideally. Short is good, too short is very very bad. The idea is over 120 is self indulgent and under 90 is lazy. This doesn't constitute a feature length script, therefore doesn't constitute an actual script, and therefore not worth reading. You don't want flaws to crop up this soon, before the script is even read.

And all these comments are falling on deaf ears, as Simon never once chimed in.

But, bottom line is that anyone trying to write a feature script, should shoot for a feature length page count, no matter what the genre is.

I think that for an unproduced screenwriter the limits should be 80-120 pages. Under 80 is too short, over 120 is generally too long, self-indulgent and over-written. Obviously there are exceptions, but I have found that to be true most of the time.

Just my opinion.