Rage by Nick Ramirez - Short, Horror - A man visits a hospital to find out the local flu virus outbreak is something much worse.  6 pages - pdf, format 8)

Nick,

As far as story - this whole idea is very overused - everything points in one direction, these scenes have been done so many times most people yawn on their opening - nothing new here.

BUT - if this is to show off your writing skills then I applaud you - as far as your writing goes it's good, clean - there were only a couple of things I could pick on: You need to introduce your characters properly - they have to be capped - everyone that speaks - on their first intro. The only other thing that caught me out at the start was 'Nameless' - your protag is suppossed to be someone we care for and therefor needs a name, IMO. Oh, and I know what the effect your going for with the cuts, but I'd cut them if I were you - unless you are directing this yourself, they wont matter, all they do is take up space. Other than that it was good. Plus your logline is crisp, clean and fits perfectly with it.

Renee

Hi, thank you for your feedback! This piece was in fact done as short writing/directing practice and i wasn't going for a big ground-breaking story here, so thank you for catching that.

And now that i read it over i see i should definitely give the protag a name!

Again, thank you for the feedback.