Goldilocks by Mitchel Taylor - Short, Drama, Thriller - A young girl finds her way into a home where where she might not be welcomed. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hello Mitchel,

This reminds me of stories when people try to modernise Shakespeare.  This story wasn't for me.

There was moments in there I thought were so over the top, like calling the police because their food was eaten.  Like huh??  Who cares, the police won't.

If you were trying to make this a realistic modern day setting, I don't think this'll pass.  Perhaps as a cartoon.

All the best,

Javier

I like the premise but the story needs to be slightly more "realistic" (murderers would never call the police for any reason, a car doesnt drive up close to empty and then not start because its out of gas)

What is the purpose of the phone in the story?
What if the Three Bears name were not so obvious? The Oso family, Agrius family etc
What if the fairy tale was flipped? Goldilocks wins.
A couple of typo's

I see promise.

M/