The Empty Grave by Lee Cordner (Leegion) - Drama, Thriller - A troubled detective must set aside his woeful past in an attempt to find a child killer.  105 pages - pdf, format 8)

Thanks for uploading, Don.

This was inspired by Broadchurch, an ITV series which spawned critical acclaim.  If you like detective stories, you may enjoy this.

Everyone is a suspect, even you... actually, you're not a suspect, but your name could be.

-Lee

Just wanted to say this will be my last screenplay.

Been thinking over the past week about my life and what to do with myself, and the decision is I want to return to Novels.

My writing is better in Novels, as it's what I started in.  Not sure if anyone here is interested in books, but I am currently writing "Age of Shadows: The Fallen King" which was previously on the boards here as "The Guardian of Time".

It's a saga, one I had an idea for in 2008 after finding a short story I wrote in 2002 when I was 12 years old.  

If anyone here is interested in novels, and wants to read my current one, please feel free to message me.

I shall stay on the boards as a reader, but this is my last script, due to it being the apex of my storytelling way in this form.

-Lee

Quoted from Leegion Just wanted to say this will be my last screenplay. Been thinking over the past week about my life and what to do with myself, and the decision is I want to return to Novels. My writing is better in Novels, as it's what I started in.  Not sure if anyone here is interested in books, but I am currently writing "Age of Shadows: The Fallen King" which was previously on the boards here as "The Guardian of Time". It's a saga, one I had an idea for in 2008 after finding a short story I wrote in 2002 when I was 12 years old.   If anyone here is interested in novels, and wants to read my current one, please feel free to message me. I shall stay on the boards as a reader, but this is my last script, due to it being the apex of my storytelling way in this form. -Lee

Hey Lee,

Sad to hear you're giving up writing screenplays. I've read a couple of your scripts and enjoyed reading each one of them. You're a talented writer. I think your biggest downfall is that everytime someone reads one of your scripts you're too quick to change the script for the reader. Remember you're writing for yourself, not for me or anyone else.

I would love to read one of your novels. If the writing is as good as your screenplays I'm sure they'll be great.

Take care, man.

- Dirk

Quoted from DV44 Hey Lee, Sad to hear you're giving up writing screenplays. I've read a couple of your scripts and enjoyed reading each one of them. You're a talented writer. I think your biggest downfall is that everytime someone reads one of your scripts you're too quick to change the script for the reader. Remember you're writing for yourself, not for me or anyone else. I would love to read one of your novels. If the writing is as good as your screenplays I'm sure they'll be great. Take care, man. - Dirk

Thanks, Dirk.

Really looking forward to seeing if I remember HOW to write a novel, fair to say it's been a long time since I last wrote anything in past tense, but how hard can it be?

Gotta brush up on the lore though, which might take some time since it's 80 pages of history I imagined, haha.

Here we go.

Hey Lee -

Just want to wish you the best of luck with your novel writing. Hopefully, you'll come back to screenwriting one day. "A change is as good as a rest" an all that. :)

I've been really slammed the last few weeks, so haven't had chance to read The Empty Grave yet. That said, I did manage to read the first dozen pages or so, and was impressed with your writing :)

Take care, buddy

Gary (rolo)

Hey Gary,

Thanks man, glad you enjoyed the first dozen or so.  I think this is the apex of my writing on display in this format, hopefully that shows.

I'll still be on the boards and will welcome critique/feedback on this script, I wanted to end my screenplay writing (for the time being) with a very good story and this was it.

My novel will likely take the next 4 or so months to write, I already have the planning down.  With that said, there is a possibility that 2014 might be when I finally write Intergalactic.

For now though, this is my last script.

-Lee

Bugger that book, haha.  I can't figure out a way past the prologue.

I'll stick with screenwriting, it's much easier, lol.

Let's focus on getting this produced.

Lee, stick with it. Books aren't that challenging. In fact, if you want to write Hemingway-like, they're very much like screenwriting, minus the strict "guidelines". =)

Hey Lee, I just opened this with no real intention of reading, as I'm about to go out, but when you mentioned 'Broadchurch' I thought, oh, I liked that so I gave the first few pages a once over.

The first scene is very similar to the first scene in Broadchurch and I also thought the first two scenes could be the other way round; scene two as an opening scene might be better?  An empty bedroom immediately makes you think 'where is the child?'

If Kelly has a towel around her waist, are her boobs out?!

I try to use mini slugs when switching locations in the same house as I think they're quicker to read but that's just my preference...I thought maybe though?

So I read the first 4 pages and it reads pretty good, very close to Broadchurch but that's no bad thing.  I'll try and read some more but no guarantees as I'm mega busy but I will try.  Can't read any more now as the wife is giving me the evils and I promised to take her out for tea lol.

Quoted from Mr. Blonde Lee, stick with it. Books aren't that challenging. In fact, if you want to write Hemingway-like, they're very much like screenwriting, minus the strict "guidelines". =)

I can write it, but I'll likely go about it very, very slowly.  Like 1 chapter a week or something, as the chapters need to be fleshed out more than a scene, per se, lots of details.

Next week I'll write chapter 1, then every week another chapter, by May next year it should be done.

Quoted from alffy Hey Lee, I just opened this with no real intention of reading, as I'm about to go out, but when you mentioned 'Broadchurch' I thought, oh, I liked that so I gave the first few pages a once over. The first scene is very similar to the first scene in Broadchurch and I also thought the first two scenes could be the other way round; scene two as an opening scene might be better?  An empty bedroom immediately makes you think 'where is the child?' If Kelly has a towel around her waist, are her boobs out?! I try to use mini slugs when switching locations in the same house as I think they're quicker to read but that's just my preference...I thought maybe though? So I read the first 4 pages and it reads pretty good, very close to Broadchurch but that's no bad thing.  I'll try and read some more but no guarantees as I'm mega busy but I will try.  Can't read any more now as the wife is giving me the evils and I promised to take her out for tea lol.

Thanks, Alffy.

Good point on switching the first 2 scenes.  It'd add a little mystery, so I might do that in the future at some point.

Kelly with the towel, her boobs could be out, if you like.  I think I meant "torso" not "waist" when I wrote that, haha.

Mini slugs, they've always confused me for some reason.  I never know when to use them properly, still have some learning to do.

As for Broadchurch, as it was the main inspiration, I wanted to make it like it but not fully.  As the script progresses, it grows darker and becomes its own thing, especially later on.

Thanks for the read, and good luck taking your wife to tea, lol.  

Lee, so I read over a few pages.

I notice you very rarely use the word 'and'.

I can obviously only speculate this but I wonder how you are going to introduce the suspects in 105 page script.  I know that sounds weird but Broadchurch had a good few suspects, each with their own stories that showed they had a chance of being the murderer but then the show spanned 8 episodes which was ample time to build the characters.  You are much more pushed for time, so I wonder how many suspects you can provide?

Also, did you know there is going to be a second series, although it is to be 'very' different.

Anyway I'll try and read a bit more tomorrow, mate.

Hey Lee -

Glad you're gonna stick with screenwriting! Good to know you're still gonna be around! :)

rolo

Quoted from alffy Lee, so I read over a few pages. I notice you very rarely use the word 'and'. I can obviously only speculate this but I wonder how you are going to introduce the suspects in 105 page script.  I know that sounds weird but Broadchurch had a good few suspects, each with their own stories that showed they had a chance of being the murderer but then the show spanned 8 episodes which was ample time to build the characters.  You are much more pushed for time, so I wonder how many suspects you can provide? Also, did you know there is going to be a second series, although it is to be 'very' different. Anyway I'll try and read a bit more tomorrow, mate.

Hey Alffy,

I'm not a big fan of the word "and" in truth.  I've always said "if 'and' is used, that means it's an addition to something, so write a new sentence instead".  Not sure why that's my mentality, guess I'm weird, haha.  I only use it when completely needed.

On the topic of the suspects:

With exceptionally careful writing, haha.  Broadchurch had an outstanding list of suspects, it's very difficult to compact a full list of characters into a single feature, rather than multiple episodes.

However, with the introduction of the suspects, I am very careful with who I bring in.

I counted roughly 7 or 8 characters that were suspects.  Amongst them you'll notice different traits and responses to the questions Edward asks, some are open, most are closed (not a good thing to lie to Edward btw).

So, it's very carefully planned out.  You won't have any clue who it is and when you find out it will shock you.  That is a guarantee.

On Broadchurch Series 2, looking forward to it.  Not sure where they can go with it, but it'll be interesting to see where they head nonetheless.

I would ask no one wastes their time on this.  So, please avoid it if you can.

Thanks.

Ok, one sure-fire way for you to get me to look at something is to say: 'don't look'. Yes, I'm that susceptible.  ;D

I had a quick look at the first 10 and it's not bad. I think you might want to review the opening scene slug (from memory?) where the girl is standing on a ridge - I do think that might need another/different header.

For the most part though, the first 10 reads competently enough - nice depiction of the setting, dialogue sounds natural overall, characterisations etc. Beware the dreaded ! where it's not needed...

The only thing I'd say is it reads a hellava lot like Broadchurch. Is this the reason you're telling people to steer clear and not waste their time? Or is it an altogether different crisis of 'writing' confidence?

Quoted from LC Ok, one sure-fire way for you to get me to look at something is to say: 'don't look'. Yes, I'm that susceptible.  ;D I had a quick look at the first 10 and it's not bad. I think you might want to review the opening scene slug (from memory?) where the girl is standing on a ridge - I do think that might need another/different header. For the most part though, the first 10 reads competently enough - nice depiction of the setting, dialogue sounds natural overall, characterisations etc. Beware the dreaded ! where it's not needed... The only thing I'd say is it reads a hellava lot like Broadchurch. Is this the reason you're telling people to steer clear and not waste their time? Or is it an altogether different crisis of 'writing' confidence?

It's the ending I'm not confident about.  I don't want people to get into it, then reach the climax and think "well, most of that was pointless".

It might make some feel like they wasted their time.  

I'll have a look at that scene opening header also.

Quoted from Leegion It's the ending I'm not confident about.  I don't want people to get into it, then reach the climax and think "well, most of that was pointless". It might make some feel like they wasted their time.   I'll have a look at that scene opening header also.

Well, I'll just say one more thing. You appear, from what I've read to be a competent writer so I would stop dissuading people from reading it - unless it has the opposite effect, like it did with me.  ;D

And, bear in mind that 'readers/reviewers' might possibly be able to offer alternate ending ideas. Just a thought. I can't complete the read right now cause I'm a bit snowed under but I suggest you leave it for a bit - at least until the OWC is over, and wait for some more feedback.

Lee, WTF!!!

I thought you said it was a sure fire shock at the climax and now you're telling me not to read it?  Damn, I'm torn now.  I was intending to read some more over the weekend but I'm not sure....

I want clarity here, do you want reads or not?  I hope you haven't had a sudden dip in confidence with this one? lol.

I was planning to read this on Sunday... let me know if you still want me to go ahead and give it a read, mate.

Apologies, guys.

I had some problems yesterday and was feeling particularly paranoid about stuff.  Not sure why, but I lost all confidence in what I do.

The ending will have impact, but it might not be all that satisfying depending on how you interpret it.

-Lee

Quoted from Leegion I had some problems yesterday and was feeling particularly paranoid about stuff.  Not sure why, but I lost all confidence in what I do.

I know that feeling, I get it every time I submit something lol.

I'll try and read some more over the weekend...no promises though ;)

Been a while since I was on the boards.  Busy with book stuff, getting it done, slowly, a lot harder than scripts, lots of... detail, lol.  134 pages in and I've been on this 2 months.  So - Much - Work.

Anyway, come 2014 I am coming back to the boards.  Got some reads to pull through with, promised some people, I stick to my promises, they will be read.

Anyone read this recently?  Haven't been around, sorry about that.  But I am looking to push this to producer eyes in the new year.

- Lee

Hey Lee,

I still need to read this. If you still want a read, I'll get round to it next week.

Okay, book's finished and I'm back on the boards.  Just capped 418 pages worth of material in little under 5 months.  Very happy with the result...

In the midst of emailing literary agents and such, but I am back on simplyscripts.  If you need a read, hit me up.  If you want some critique, I'm here.

I entered in the OWC.  Was a tad rusty - been writing in past tense for the past 5 months, so everything's all wibbly-wobbly.

Got some reads to pull off in the OWC, since people have read mine (I will impress you eventually, Dreamscale, eventually... not yet though).

To anyone wanting to read this, stop!  I'm rewriting it as my first official project in 2014's screenwriting world.

It will be moved to the "Thriller" section under a new name once it's done.  I never did like how the ending of this panned out... like, at all.

Once it's done, it goes to the block.  

My plan this year regards:
1) Get an agent
2) Get that agent to find a publisher
3) Have my novel published
4) Get 2 features produced
5) Get at least 3 shorts produced

My standards are massive this year, but I have a feeling...

Those are my plans this year.  I have raised the bar and will seek to impress in 2014.

Hope everyone had a good holiday,
-Lee

PM me once the new version is up and I'll give it a read.