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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Comedy Scripts  /  On The Line
Posted by: Don, November 3rd, 2013, 11:12am
On The Line by Jordan Crutchfield - Comedy - The misfit cast of a fishing show are forced to prove their counterfeit expertise and personas when they are entered into a fishing tournament. 132 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: wombat, November 6th, 2013, 12:08am; Reply: 1
Tried to get past the first page, but the formatting is atrocious.

Scenes are not numbered, except in a shooting script. Nor is there ever a "Act One", Scene 1", etc., unless this is a play. If this is a play, the format is wrong.

Right off the bat, a character name and his dialog are not on the same page.

The radio host and the female calling him must have (V.O.) next to their name to signify "voice over" or you can write (OVER RADIO).

You have at least 3 line spaces between the characters' dialog.

The characters' names are not capitalized in the dialog.

"The guys are wrapping up the day’s show. RICK peaks around the
corner."

"peeks", not "peaks"

"(Spins around quickly)
Is it too humid for icebergs?
(Whimpers)
Never let go
(TODD grabs SHAW)
Head for land!
(TODD vomits)
We gotta get out of here!"

Action is not ( ) within the dialog, and the first word in the () is not capitalized.

This looks like a rip off of a Rock Hudson movie about a fishing expert who, in fact, has never fished in his life, and must win a fishing contest so a girl won't expose him as a fraud.

Bottom line is NO ONE will give this the time of day unless this is properly formatted.
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