Oculus - Print Topic

Posted by: Don, January 3rd, 2014, 1:35pm

Oculus by Matthew Jennings - Horror, Anime - A business man’s chance encounter on a subway with the demon of his dreams. 84 pages - pdf, format 8)

Posted by: MattJennings, January 26th, 2014, 12:32am; Reply: 1

Dang, I jut realized there is a movie coming out called Oculus...well, at least I know it is a good title.

So I guess I need a new title, any suggestions?

-Matt

Posted by: TonyDionisio, January 28th, 2014, 7:51am; Reply: 2

Hi Matt,

You'll get more reads if you spice up your logline. This should help:

http://www.raindance.org/10-tips-for-writing-loglines/

Good luck,

Tony

Posted by: MattJennings, January 28th, 2014, 11:00am; Reply: 3

Hello Tony,

Yes, good point. Maybe something like:

A business man meets the demon of his dreams and finds a world he could never imagine, and a world he could never leave.

I'll work on it.

-Matt

Posted by: TonyDionisio, February 7th, 2014, 5:25pm; Reply: 4

Matt,
Try to include what is a stake for the business man and what he may have to overcome in order to prosper. If his not being able to leave aainst his own will then try to include that.

Posted by: Busy Little Bee, September 13th, 2014, 9:36am; Reply: 5

Hey, Matt

I’m not as vested in anime as in horror genre, so I don't what makes a good anime. In any case it’s nice to see someone actually taking some consideration into writing a proper log line that gets the story across in an intriguing way as possible. Some people fail to realize that the title, premise are just more doors in the way of getting people to read what could be a good script if they aren't done properly.

“A business man (main character) meets the demon of his dreams (obstacle) and finds a world he could never imagine, and a world he could never leave. (mystery)”

I'll give the next 10 a read

BLB