A Pair of Good Liars by Michelle Ross - Comedy, Romance - Everything seems to be all right to a Romanian woman who pretends British in order to teach English in Spain, until an American guy shows up. 120 pages - pdf, format 8)

I decided to comment since I saw that no one had. I honeslty stopped at the end of page 25, and not because it was bad, but because it didn't hold my attention. I jotted down a few notes so I'll just list them below. You may or may not agree, but I hope they'll help in some way.


* Some of the random characters have names when generic's could just as well work.
Example: When Maria is on the phone trying to see if anyone was interested in her resume. When the script is being watched the audience isn't going to know their names so a generic would work.
*I think describing some of the characters a bit more could give them more of a real feeling.
* Some of the action blocks are too long. I think they are slowing down the story.
*I'm not an expert on formatting, but I've heard a few times that character dialogue shouldn't run over to the next page.
*On page 24, you mention IMMIGRANT WOMEN, but then give them names. I'm basically saying point number one again. Instead of giving them names, you could say: IMMIGRANT WOMAN #1 & IMMIGRANT WOMAN #2.

I probably would actually try to read the rest because I'm interested in seeing where the Maria charater is headed...and also the Cliff and (don't remember his name) charater; they were realistic with just their actions and dialouge. Keep it up!

Also, the subject thread of this script is "A pair of good lairs"  but the file title is Liars. Must be a typo.

Quoted from TonyDionisio Also, the subject thread of this script is "A pair of good lairs"  but the file title is Liars. Must be a typo.

Tony,

Thank you for pointing that out.  

Don

I didn't find anything very comical in the first twelve pages. But I do see the start of a decent drama or romance. You set up Maria pretty nicely so that we know she has big dreams though she struggles currently and her efforts to reach her dreams are falling short because of visa and interview problems. Nicely done. The dialogue could use some work. Very explicatory in some places especially between the two businessmen early on (forget their names).

Without having read the entire thing, I'm guessing this is more of a drama or romance since it's not that especially comical up to the point I read. Even if you do have some comedic elements later on, you might be better served calling this a drama or romance.