Ciaran De Bergerac by Anthony Cawood - Short, Comedy, Drama - A techno twist on the classic tale - star crossed lovers meet in a cafe for a first date but can Ciaran overcome his nerves? - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Anthony -

Interesting take on the Cyrano story.  (Believe me, if there's anyone on this board who knows Cyrano backwards and forewards, it's me.)  Honestly, I wish I'd thought of this twist myself.  :)

I do think you could do more with premise - alot of the banter between Ciaran and Josie is too mundane - IMO, I'd have him trip up more, in spectacular and embarassing ways, due to Harry's sabotague.

One other thing - I don't know if this was intentional, but you've basically switched the Cyrano and Christian characters.  I'd suggest *maybe* having Christian/Harry be the bumbling fool... and Ciaran in the background, to more closely mirror the play (while still giving it your modern spin, and letting Cyrano win this one.)

My three cents.  Great idea, definitely.  :)

Hi wonkavite

Thanks for the feedback and glad you liked it.

In terms of mundane banter - I was going for something that I thought felt plausible between the characters, but I'll have another look and see if I can spice it up a little.

Swapping the characters was intentional, a twist from the original, my feeling was that this would be an interesting point of difference for those familiar with the source.

Once again thanks for the comments, much appreciated.

Anthony

Hi Anthony,

Did enjoy the the overall direction but think the dialogue (as Wonkavite said)

should be like a fast moving train wreck.  Maybe having A female on a date with

a male friend fake helping her out will get people to believe in the reality of the conversation

even more making the twist, possibly, more satisfying to viewers.

Hi Nick and thanks for another read - really appreciated.

Have altered this one, mostly dialogue changes and now have two sets of film makers hoping to film in next couple of months - on in US, one in Italy. Be interesting to see what happens.

Many thanks

Anthony

After about 3 false starts with this script, and one unreleasable filmed attempt, this script is being filmed in India this month... fingers crossed for a less troubled production!  

Just had an email that this has been produced in India as "Don't be that guy", English subs for those who aren't Hindi speakers...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHxj3Wq4W4w

Great start to the year!

Congratulations Anthony, a great start to the year indeed.

Congrats! Looked great! Hard to judge acting when reading cc, but it seemed pretty good as well.  8)

Congrats!

Congrats, Anthony!

Hey Anthony,

Oh man, didn’t realize how many years ago this script was written. As I’m reading the thread I saw a ‘Wonk’ review in there and I’m like; “huh… is she back?” err, no.

Anyway, thought I’d go into this blind, vis-à-vis, not reading the script before watching…  glad I did. Humorous and whimsical, yet… urbane, I really liked this, they did a great job with your story idea.

Another one for your script-ography and something to be proud of for sure!

Thanks all, nice to see a decent script-to-screen transition... Director looking at some of my other scripts now, so fingers crossed.