Terror of the Fourth Reich by Roland S. C. - Action, Adventure - Investigative journalist Loki America travels to Nepal and must find the Yeti before a band of Nazi poachers do. 109 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi! I'm Roland, writer of the script above. Just a few notes I wanted to mention:

Yes, I'm aware I Shane Blacked some of the descriptions. Yes, I know it's not professional, so apologies. I wrote the script for my own personal enjoyment and I don't intend on pitching to anyone for a long time to come.

The one thing I'd like the most help on is the character of Zoë Pandora. I originally intended to make her an audience surrogate, but after some thought, I don't think it's necessary, and I know she is a bland and uninteresting character. I'm trying to figure out how to rectify that and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

This is kinda awesome in all the wrong ways.

There is a lot of small things you could work on with formatting. I'm new myself but just off the top of my head put ages for characters in ( ) next to their name instead of written in the description. No need to mention this is the first of a planned trilogy on the title page. With dialogue you don't need to include a character’s last name. Trust me, we know his last name is America. Use continuous
instead of same in your slugs. I see lots of ing words in your action descriptions. Avoid this. Instead of grabbing something, say Loki grabs it.

You have a penchant for names I'll give you that. Loki America, Captain Powerchest, Mongoose Liberation Army? Who enslaved all the mongooses? Poor Riki Tiki.

Also most importantly, if you want to be read around here you need to read other people’s works. Consider this a freebie

Thanks for the feedback, although I'm not sure what you mean by awesome in all the wrong ways. I guess I'll take that as a compliment.

Yeah, I realize I don't need to include last names. I guess I'm a little too proud of them to stick to just Loki in the dialogue. I do realize that I'm not supposed to write that this is the first of a trilogy - that was just something I threw in for my personal friends and family. I already have drafts of the other two installments written and I added that note so the others whom I showed the script to would know which one to read first (not that it matters, since the three scripts have the (non-existent) continuity of the James Bond or Indiana Jones series).