The Big Bang Theory: The Comic Con Expedition by Brian - Series,  Comedy - The gang heads down to Comic Con where they must compete against their rivals to win the Comic Con trivia challenge. They must also compete against Raj's friends (who bear an uncanny resemblance to Leonard, Sheldon, and Howard) for Raj's friendship. Meanwhile, Penny teaches Amy how to use her feminine wiles. 74 pages - docx, format 8)

Hi Brian,

Just read your work - not all of it but more than a half.

I think it's formatted wrong, the lines are way too sparse and for that reason it felt really short. It is short even though it came to 74 pages.

But the correct formatting would be to format it just like a regular script.

Anyway,

The voices sound true to characters for the most part. And that's what I liked about it best. But them going on a trivia - this has been done before. And it's not much to work with - I think we should see a problem it causes each of them, and mainly Sheldon and Leonard. I know that some of the episodes revolve around Raj and Howard, but I also know that in a spec they want to see the main characters and their story.
So, it lacks a feel of urgency for me. What would happen if they don't go to comicon... what problems might stop them from taking part... (I know Raj disappears there - but his disappearance is kind of superflous for me)
Also, Raj's friends coming over - that part happened bit too quickly. They just learned about the comicon and Raj already texted his friends and they are coming... Reads funny though.

I didn't understand the part about the girls when they talked about their boyfriends. Lots of their lines start with "oh". Also, Bernadette doesn't say "bestie", I think, Amy does.

One other concern is it's not visual enough for me. I know it's a teleplay but usually there's some visuals that play into the story in every episode, I think.

Good luck to you with it. Hope you find time to rewrite.