The Sexecutioner by Roland S.C. (Rolandabc) - Short, Horror, Comedy - A promiscuous teenager is possessed by the ghost of a serial killer who takes control whenever the teenager gets horny. 13 pages - pdf, format 8)

Opps. Entered in the wrong username (RL Nice should be Rolandabc). Anyways, This is a third or fourth draft, and the script came this close to being produced.

Will reciprocate reviews, if you link them to me.

Hey Roland,

Interesting enough title you got here. Reads kinda like a pisser really. Not a bad thing, though it's obvious that this is somewhere left of serious. It's just silly fun and doesn't pretend to be anything else. Fun for what it's worth.

You had me chuckling in a couple spots (one pimply faced boy), but it's just way too out there for me. For what it is, I guess it works. It's a fun read in spots, tedious in others. Your action blocks drag on to four or five lines at times. Way too much description going on. If you cut back on this you'd probably trim a page or so. I think that would help the read immensely. It got to the point where I was like, can we get to the end already.

Sorry if this comes off a tad harsh. That's not my intention. But this can certainly be cleaned up and you could have a fun tale here. Goofy fun.

Best of luck with it!

Steve

I think the comedy in this script is a little too 'adult' for it to be filmed very easily... but maybe someone with the sensibilities of a studio like Troma might find it interesting.

As an alternative maybe if you amped up the sexual elements and toned down the violence then it could be used by a studio who do porn parodies/comedies?

^ Yeah. Troma. This is a fantastic read for those with some measure of Tromatic sensibility. I don't really have anything useful to say because it is what it is, and it's good. The Kunta Kinte gag and a couple other of the other more casually tasteless moments really elevate this.

The only scene I'd nitpick is the first scene with Kimona. A face in breasts is so innocuous compared to the rest of the script that it doesn't really feel like a satisfying payoff. I think this is the reason that the end of that scene feels a little abrupt to me. It may also be something as simple as that there just isn't a little button on the gag. But that scene didn't quite flow right for me.

That's small though. If you're aiming for what it appears you're aiming for, I'd say you nailed it.

This was pretty solid. Some great lines and the ending was pretty funny. You have a good knack for writing screenplays.  This was fast paced, wild and I enjoyed the read. A couple minor suggestions are maybe make it more succinct, take out some of the begins, and words ending in (ing).
Pg. 1-Television plays a news broadcast.
Pg. 3- Lefty nervously puts books into his locker. He looks around and stealthily....
These are minor in an otherwise greatly creative screenplay. Well done.

Hope you felt better after getting all that out of your system.

Hey Roland,

Yeah tidy up the action. You can be leaner, less specific and easily cut this down a page or two. It will make it easier to read format wise.

The premise has promise (oooh sounds like a profound saying I've just invented! I may patent it if no-one already has!) and there's scope for some great comedy scenes here but I suspect your hormones have gotten in the way and you've amped the sex and violence up to 11 which detracts somewhat from the comedy.

As it is this is spoof material more suited for a porno or Troma at best, as others have mentioned. I did like some of the situations the protagonist found himself in and I also smiled at some of the dialogue, not sure if it would work as well spoken as it does on paper though.

If you nearly got this produced there must be a market for this type of material so keep on trying.

All the best,

Mark