Reading into it, liking it so far. A couple of things right off the bat:
I think you would be better off converting this to PDF, because right now it's a .doc that is a direct download link. This is mostly for convenience reasons, but it's definitely helpful. Also, a title page would bid you well.
On to the script!
Liked the opening. There are a few widow words that could be cut out, not too many though so that's good. Descriptions so far are concise, I liked how effectively you put the images down. If I were trying to describe something like this I'm pretty sure I would have some difficulty.
Page 2: "gaps" should be "gasps"
Page 2: I did have a bit of an issue with this moment:
Quoted Text A few dancers pack up their duffle bags, quietly slink out of the room. |
I don't think this is a realistic possibility after Sully says what he says, it's not like they would work up to that point just to leave after something discouraging anyone would say, no matter how important he is.
Page 4: Wow, the guy's an asshole. I like it.
The conversation between Sully and the customer is snappy. I thought it was neat. But when his manager kicks him out and says "GET A JOB", I think something like "GROW UP" would work better, but I'm thinking that's just me.
Page 9:
Quoted Text Papa Russo is currently out of work, due to a bad back. |
Don't put this in a description. If this is essential, show this with dialogue.
The chair-pulling stuff after Page 15 gets real old real fast. Do it a few times, but that many times it just loses its effect.
That's all I got to for now, but I might read further. I thought it was decent, some punch-ups here or they wouldn't hurt, but overall I like where this is going.
EDIT: Okay, apparently some other scripts put up are actually in doc format? I haven't really come across this before but if that's a norm here I'm fine with it.