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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Drama Scripts / I Love Alice
Posted by: Don, July 5th, 2014, 8:25am
I Love Alice by C.N. Yap - Drama - Tom seems like the sort who's got it all together. Except that he doesn't. 88 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: Pale Yellow, July 5th, 2014, 9:16am; Reply: 1
Took a look at the first ten pages. I think your dialogue is pretty good, but it goes on for too long in my opinion. At first I was thinking this is going to be a rom/com or something.
The first conversation on the phone when it opens up is a bit confusing.
I didn't like the use of the atm thing twice unless the first time, we(the reader/audience)know it's the same Tom/Alice but they don't actually. One thing is ...I can't buy into the fact that they didn't recognize each other for so long.
I like some of the conflict thus far....ie the jesus jew thing even though I felt that carried on too long. I'm not real sure by page ten though what this thing is about.
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