Cautionary Tales by Matthew Nsubuga (Majorgeneral316) - Drama, Dark Comedy - Looking for fun on a Friday night, a group of University students find themselves embroiled in tragic situations when their fun doesn’t go to plan. 96 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Matthew,

Well done at getting this completed.

I was impressed with the opening as it did get me interested though I didn't get past the first page after seeing  "little Red Ridding Rood". This should not happen especially on the first page as no one will read further if they spot this.

"ridding" should be "riding" and "Rood" should be "Hood"

Sorry but you need to proof read your work before getting it online.

Also put a copyright on your cover page just to cover yourself.

Regards Alex

Hey Matt,

Sorry to say I couldn't get further than 36 pages.  

I was going to stop at 20, but I forced myself to go on just to give this a chance.

I liked Cold Snap better.

This one feels like you're trying too hard with the dialogue to make your characters come across as cool.  

And...nothing really interesting is happening.

I actually can't believe you wrote this.  It's such a complete contrast from Cold Snap...and not in a good way.

Thanks guys for giving this a read.

A little harsh of you Alex. I know it's a bad mistake but to stop just because of that is a little harsh. Thanks for cracking it open anyway. I'm still scratching my head at how I made such a stupid mistake. But again, thanks man.

Hey deadite, thanks for giving this a read also. I really appreciate it. It's set in at a university in the midlands of the UK. I don't think some people will get it, simply for the fact that it is quite niche. All of the characters you see and a lot of the dialogue they say actually happened in some way or form.  It's very personal to me. This is only like the second draft and I do accept it needs some improvment obviously. Thanks again.

Matthew

Quoted from Majorgeneral316 All of the characters you see and a lot of the dialogue they say actually happened in some way or form.  It's very personal to me.

Ah, I used to be like that, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.  I used to think my friends and I had some really cool, interesting and funny conversations, and I'd throw that shit into a script, thinking it was great stuff.  The problem there is...not everyone is going to think the same way as you and you might bore them to death with what you think is cool, interesting and funny.  I don't mean to sound harsh, but I'm sure you have heard this exact same issue covered a dozen times, and if you haven't, I'm very surprised.

Hey, general,

I started reading this tomorrow and liked the first two pages very much. I'm going to read it after I finish some promised reads. Hopefully this week.

Quoted from Majorgeneral316 A little harsh of you Alex. I know it's a bad mistake but to stop just because of that is a little harsh. Thanks for cracking it open anyway. I'm still scratching my head at how I made such a stupid mistake. But again, thanks man. Matthew

Sorry if I have upset you Matthew.

I was just trying to point out that you really need to proof check your work before getting it online.
Get a screenwriting friend to do a read and fix many of the typo's and errors as possible before getting this up for the world to see.

The reality is if an agent was reading this, they would not get past the first page.

Sorry dude, and I'm happy to do a full read of the next edited version.

Regards Alex

I've checked out at page 10, because nothing happened. You see in today's world professional producers want something to happen every 5 pages.  They're very critical towards amatures like we are. And they have all rights to be.  

Hey,

No need to be sorry Alex. I appreciate the words. And when I touch it up, I'll be the first to let you know.

It's a shame INTS that you didn't make it past ten pages. In many ways this is a niche script, and it seems like I need to do more to attract a wider audience.

Really and truly, it's about a bunch of students on a campus getting up to nonsense. It is very much a passion project.

Thanks for the notes.

Matthew