Spaced Out by Nick Adams - Comedy - Things go astronomically wrong on the maiden voyage of a commercial flight around the Moon, forcing the motley crew of amateur astronauts to fight for their lives and their vacation. 118 pages - pdf, format 8)

I like sci-fi so even though it's listed as a comedy I took a glimpse. A couple things jumped out at me. Waaay too much talking. The first 10 pages are nothing but dreary conversations that go on too long. What you do have comes off as forced exposition or just pointless banter. The characters lack character. I can't tell the difference between Dom and Greener or anybody else. And is Sarah Greener a man or woman? Why give a man a woman's name? Maybe a joke later on but it's confusing as hell trying to figure it out on the first page. Maybe just call him Greener and reveal later on his first name is Sarah for whatever reason. Finally, it's not funny. There may be some ribbing back and forth between characters but nothing I'd call funny. Also there are so many ways you could start this and you choose to have everybody sleeping in. Have a news report on the first flight to the moon. Footage of previous test flights blowing up, an application process that introduces us to your characters. Anything besides sleeping in in a sterile room.