Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Code
|
Quoted from Scar Tissue Films Throws you straight into the action. Strong choice, although I think you sacrifice the audience's ability to relate to the main character by it being so quick. Maybe even if you had a bit more of the process he undergoes at the start, it might give us a bit more chance to "bond" with him. |
Quoted from Scar Tissue Films The part about the Funyuns. I don't know if you should be so specific about brands...especially ones that are unknown outside the States. |
Quoted from Scar Tissue Films I'm not really buying that a nobody could get so close to the President, even if he's been given security clearance. Just didn't' seem plausible. |
Quoted from Scar Tissue Films The conversation with Kanani when he pulled the gun on him seemed weird, either he shoots him straight away, or he doesn't pull the gun. |
Quoted from Scar Tissue Films 1. Not sure the Palestinian President is a big enough gimmick to make me care. |
Quoted from Scar Tissue Films 2. The Israeli/Palestinian conflict is very complicated and there's a danger in making it seem simpler than it is at the end. |
Quoted from ArtyDoubleYou I only made a couple of notes of smaller issues to bring up, the first being with the funyun talk on page 11. There's a line Ellington says 'talking of attention to detail', which I thought was unnecessary as I got that she had a good eye for detail from what she said. He could of just done an impressed nod or something instead. On page 12, you say 'Kelly doesn't flip him the bird but it's implied'. I don't really know how you imply that, so it didn't make much sense to me. |
Quoted from ArtyDoubleYou In terms of bigger issues, the talk of Lauren being raped seemed to darken the tone a bit. Up until then it was a fun ride, it just didn't feel quite in keeping with the rest of the story. |
Quoted from ArtyDoubleYou Plus the reasons behind her rape, that it was the CIA or someone doing it to keep Adam quiet were a little out there. Maybe they do do that sort of thing, but I would of thought they'd rather just kill Adam then rape his daughter to shut him up. |
Quoted from ArtyDoubleYou And my personal preference is for happy endings. In a way, it sort of is I guess. But I would much preferred to have Adam survive. I get why you did it, for Lauren's sake, but having spent all that time with Adam and getting to really like him, I think he deserved better. Kanani certainly could of put in a good word for him to hep him out or something. |
Quoted from DustinBowcot Why was Adam getting him to sign something if he's just there to kill him? Also, why did Adam almost make to run? |
Quoted from DustinBowcot So Adam jumps first and then waits for his kidnap victim to follow him? |
Quoted from DustinBowcot Why would Kanani jump? He knows Adam isn't going to shoot him. |
Quoted from DustinBowcot Why would Adam tell his kidnap victim to jump out of the car then drive away? |
Quoted from DustinBowcot Why? She's just snapped the blade off in the door, what use would it be? Maybe not to leave any evidence, but it's a little late for that, her prints and DNA would be all over the place. |
Quoted from DustinBowcot In what manner does Kanani have the say in this? He just say, OK, kill me.. and Adam will do it? |
Quoted from DustinBowcot So now Kanani is out of the picture and Adam's new partner is Ellington. What was the point in kidnapping Kanani in the first place? |
Quoted from DustinBowcot Kanani has been recovered, she already knows this... so why would she expect him to be there? |
Quoted from DustinBowcot If they are merely finishing up questioning his daughter, then why would Yelena react like that? For God's sake tell them to stop stopping questioning her? They should continue to question her? Why is Adam falling for it? |
Quoted from DustinBowcot Again, it's like once they become kidnap victims of Adam they are all compliant and do everything he says without even a hint of a fight, indeed, they join him, help him along. The same with Yelena when she helped him get into the compound with some unspoken threat. Now she's against him again and not trusting that he won't let her live if she releases his daughter. It doesn't add up. |
Quoted from DustinBowcot She's 23. |
Quoted from DustinBowcot Why would Adam need to shoot his daughter in the leg? Why not hit the gun? |
Quoted from DustinBowcot His daughter and he are also held for 8 years working as hitmen for an unspecified organisation (that gets away with it), whereby their memories are wiped so they can have deniability in regards to hits they are tasked with. |
Quoted from DustinBowcot why would they bother interrogating his daughter? All she had was a cut above her eye... in all that time... their torture was pretty lame. |
Quoted from DustinBowcot his daughter, who shoots Etherington in the head for some unfathomable reason. |
Quoted from EWall433 It'd probably be more difficult to throw him. And with the way it plays out, Adam makes the right call, as he ends up having to grab onto Kanani to keep him from falling. I'll have to go back through this for clarity. It was my intention that Adam is willing to kill Kanani if he can't successfully abduct him. He's been given four hours and he's just trying to extend that time out so he can get to the bottom of things. If he can't extend his time, if he's forced to make a decision, then at this early stage he would've completed his mission and killed Kanani. |
Quoted Text What Adam does here is a calculated risk. He knows he's about to engage his pursuers and he decides his chances of holding onto Kanani are better if he lets him out in the alley than if he takes him into a potential firefight. Once again, I think it's the right call since Yelena begins firing through the window at Adam the first chance she gets. |
Quoted Text This was a smartass comment by Adam I put there to address a question I thought the audience would be asking, "If Kanani's willing to die, then how is the threat of death effective on him." Then Kanani goes on to talk about his immediate goals and how accomplishing them will have made his life worth it. |
Quoted Text From a story perspective, I wanted Kanani to have an effect on Adam. Adam is initially willing to kill him, but when Ellington catches them, Adam simple lets Kanani go. |
Quoted Text He decides on his own not to kill Kanani even though he's no closer to finding out who he works for. By having Adam decide this based on his own conscience rather than a discovery of new info, I was hoping to push his character arc forward. |
Quoted Text She doesn't know this. She's been outside the whole time and isn't privy to any info about what's happening inside the school. |
Code
|
Quoted Text The idea was that "finishing up with her" is a euphemism for killing her. Adam's listening on speakerphone and suspects as much, so he shoves the gun into Yelena's face as a threat. So Yelena's basically saying, "For godsake don't kill her." |
Quoted Text Everything Yelena does, she does under the threat of death... |
Quoted Text She's also his daughter and just had a gun in her face. Plus, it's not like he's tying her shoes, he's just grabbing them from the other side of the room. I wanted Adam to slip into paternal mode here. I thought it contrasted nicely with what she does next. The fact that she's no longer an innocent little girl is the point. |
Quoted Text As Lauren says, they weren't held. They worked for them. And Lauren never had her memory erased (until the end), it was Adam who 'volunteered because it paid more'. Although deniability is referenced, the main reason was Warren and his paranoia. He liked the idea of sending out operatives who couldn't be traced back to him, even by memory. Despite the stated benefit, it's actually more dangerous for the operative, which is why Warren had to pay more. |
Quoted Text I'll be honest, I don't get this one. Lauren was a mercenary committing terrorist acts on American soil. Ellington is an FBI agent. I don't know what other thing she would've done in this situation. Ellington wasn't taking out his phone so he could call for pizza, he's was gonna tell Kelly they had succeeded and wait for SWAT to arrive. |
Quoted from DustinBowcot What a person says and what their actions tell you they will do are far different. |
Quoted from DustinBowcot Kanani never seems actually in fear of Adam |
Quoted from DustinBowcot It's the right call to let your kidnap victim go? How can he make a calculated risk whilst under fire? Kanani could have gone anywhere. Seems pointless to me to go to all the trouble of kidnapping him only to let him go as soon as there's gunfire. Also, why not try and use Kanani as a hostage? |
Quoted from DustinBowcot She specifically says that they recovered Kanani, like she already knows and had forgotten. |
Quoted from DustinBowcot He half clues on, but it isn't enough. It's obvious what she really means. |
Quoted from DustinBowcot He hardly remembers his daughter. His memory has been wiped countless times. To me, it comes across as bulls*** . |
Quoted from DustinBowcot Well yeah, he'd have to learn how to shoot straight again. |
Quoted from DustinBowcot Well he helped Adam escape to the detriment of the FBI. I suppose he has his favourites. |