Everly Falls by Rhys Hicks - Horror - The McCormack family are forced out of their flashy home on Sydney's Northern Beaches and into the rural town of Everly Falls. As they deal with their own personal horrors, the town's supernatural underbelly and violent past begin to haunt the McCormack family. 61 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hello, I wanted to start off by saying your log line is a bit too long try cutting it down. Secondly, your script should be at least 90 pages especially in the genre of horror . The vets on this web site will consider you efforts as lazy  and lack of effort. I read the first 10 pages and to be honest nothing really jumps out. You want the first 10 to grab the audience attention, the vets will also point that out. I'll try to read more.

Quoted from dethmyke Secondly, your script should be at least 90 pages especially in the genre of horror.

It's a pilot. Appropriate page count for a non-commercial one. Looks like it's just wandered into the wrong section.

bert's edit:  Good call, DS.  Moved to Series, thanks.

Hey Rhys, are you around? This looks pretty good.

Quoted from dethmyke I read the first 10 pages and to be honest nothing really jumps out. .

I'd have to agree.  The difference between the opening of Everly Falls to, say, something like the opening of The Brigands of Rattleborge, comes down to specifics and attention to detail - you are in the hands of a writer who knows what he's describing and writing about.  

I don't have a whole lot of time on my hands, so I can't really sit down for 60 pages, but I read 6...while I was "sort of" into it...I think there needs to be more effort put into what's going on.  I get the sense of the overall brutality they're trying to create, but it's just not jumping off the pages the way one would want it.  Maybe in the next re-write, perhaps?