The Vendetta by Lee Cordner - Thriller - A man seeking vengeance targets the family of the Assassin who murdered his parents.  101 pages - pdf, format 8)

Not got time to read the whole thing tonight, but it's looking good, Lee.

Lee,

A few notes as I go:

• If you use the 24 hour clock "20:13" you don't need to use "PM".  It would be like saying, "6:30 AM in the morning."
  
• Petrovic nips George's throat with a jagged piece of glass, then he tosses a switchblade down a drain.  This doesn't make sense.
  
• I have a hard time believing a car would flip just by slamming into a curb.
  
• A mortician is someone who prepares a body for burial.  A coroner or medical examiner would be the one in the hospital who handles the dead.
  

I made it to page 12 but then it all got too confusing when Swanson and Emmett started talking to each other.  

I'm pretty sure Swanson is Emmett, but with all the glass shattering, dissolving, drawings coming to life showing a man holding a kid's hand in Moscow for a second only to "bleed" back to the Lower East Side, it all became too much to process and I tuned out.

I understand that you're setting the stage for more to come, but right now it's all a bunch of scenes that don't make sense.  You're cramming too much information in the beginning.

Jordan

A car can absolutely flip when skidding into a curb. You mean magazine, not clip. A clip holds rifle ammo in-line,  a magazine is the ammo container seen ejecting from modern weapons. Not a big deal but a pet peev.

Appears  as though the writing needs a few more passes through, fixes. Can't follow the story/characters enough to proceed past pg 30.
Gl with the script
Tony